DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received many thank-you notes for baby gifts from the baby itself, even before the baby has been born, and certainly before the baby is able to comprehend a gift or properly thank people for their generosity.

As I am about to give birth to our first child, I was curious about etiquette when receiving gifts "for" the child, but, if we are all honest, are really for the parents. Should the thank-you note come from the baby or the parents?

GENTLE READER: Strict as she is about handwritten letters of thanks, Miss Manners is willing to excuse newborns who delegate this task. However, they should be careful to choose scriveners who have a sense of what is appropriate to whom.

Family members and other new parents are the most likely to be enchanted by -- or at least not disdainful of -- letters that purport to be written by infants. People who are not closely related to babies at the moment tend to be less charmed, sometimes to the point of claiming nausea. But you know the individuals and should gauge your letters accordingly.

That the baby has not registered -- or at least not voiced -- appreciation should not stop you from citing him or her in your letter: "Tabitha adores the little lamb you gave her" or, "Everett looks incredibly cute in his sailor suit."

Hang on just a few more years, and you will only have to nag your child to write his or her own letters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I dislike my in-laws for many reasons, but I struggle with one issue because I think my bias clouds my judgment.

They live two hours away from my husband and our two children, and like to visit frequently (every four to six weeks), often staying for two nights or so. They are very much set in their ways. They drink a particular kind of soda and must bring it with them. They also bring their own cereal and sometimes other snacks and food.

My pantry is not barren. We have other drinks in the refrigerator. We have a wide variety of food.

As a hostess, do I have the duty to stock our refrigerator and pantry with the foods they like? My instinct is to be upset because what we have isn't good enough, but I do not know if that is because of my bias.

GENTLE READER: It is because of your bias.

Actually, Miss Manners understands what a strain it must be to have frequent houseguests whom you dislike for whatever reasons. As you suspect, that makes their every little move irritating in a way that might not affect you from people you like.

But that does not excuse you from being gracious to your guests. Knowing their modest preferences and yet refusing to stock them is just mean. These visits will be more bearable for you if you do not hunt for more ways to justify your dislike.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate delay between the time one arrives at a friend's home and asking for their WiFi password?

GENTLE READER: It is considered polite to say hello first.

If you are a houseguest, you may ask during orientation -- right after you have been told where the coffee is in case you get up early, and how many times you need to jiggle the handle on the toilet to get it to work.

But if you are there for a meal or other short visit, Miss Manners wonders why you need to know. Oh -- you are expecting an emergency? Then why are you gadding about, instead of preparing for it?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am troubled as to how I can formally "inform" friends of my sister about my upcoming wedding without specifically inviting them to attend the actual ceremony -- just as an FYI, in hopes to receive a gift.

I know that the intent should not be only to receive a gift; however, my sister (who is much older than I) has friends whose children are my age, and my sister has given financially to their children for several years over the course of their lives for other events, such as graduations, school fundraisers, communions, showers, etc.

I, personally, do not have a relationship with my sister's friends, but they know of me and have met me on limited occasions. Is there a "polite" way in which to accomplish an "information only" invitation?

As an added note, the wedding is located out of state, and more than likely most of her friends may not expend the cost to attend.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, duty requires Miss Manners to inform you that there is such a thing as a wedding announcement, which is sent immediately after the marriage takes place, its purpose being to inform people who may (or in your case may not) be pleased simply to hear of the marriage.

Happily, duty also enables Miss Manners to keep telling people that wedding announcements, and, for that matter, invitations that are declined, do not require sending presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have to sit through quite a few recitals/concerts/performances of my children and their peers during the school year. Sometimes I will bring something to keep me busy before and, yes, sometimes during these performances (usually a crossword puzzle).

I take great pains to make sure this is done as unobtrusively as possible (no crinkling of papers, etc.). In fact, other than the people directly behind me or on my side, I am quite confident no one even knows I am doing this. Plus, I always make it a point to applaud when appropriate and pay attention to what is happening on the stage. Is this considered rude or not?

GENTLE READER: It is true that etiquette, unlike law, ignores victimless infractions of its rules. If, indeed, no one knows the lengths to which boredom drives you, Miss Manners would not call it rude.

However, she regrets to tell you that the lady sitting next to you is the aunt of the child performing, and the gentleman behind you is the grandfather. She therefore recommends passing the time woolgathering like everyone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an African-American woman whom some might call "elderly" but who still has a full-time career. I find, as you observed, that the "line between friendliness and impertinence is getting thinner and thinner."

For example, receptionists, bank tellers, store associates and others whom I have never met seem to believe that it is appropriate to call me by my first name. I do not know when this familiarity became acceptable. But I am old enough to remember when black women in the South -- the area where I was born and lived my formative years -- were never afforded the title Miss, Mrs. and now, I suppose, Ms.

Members of the majority population deemed the title one that conveyed gentility, class origins, purity of race and body -- statuses to which women like my mother and I could not lay claim. (Histories of black women teachers recount the campaign to be called by these titles.) It might be that I still smart from that memory; it might just be that I am old enough to recall when people asked for the privilege of this familiarity.

Often I say to the stranger who reads my name from my credit card or identification, "My name is Ms. -----." However, frequently the addresser does not understand the hint.

So have rules of etiquette changed this markedly? If they have, but I choose to remain old-fashioned, how do I make my request about the term of address known short of an aggressive correction?

GENTLE READER: This is what comes of people thinking they can change etiquette rules without Miss Manners' permission.

The practice of denying titles of respect to African-Americans (and female office workers, household employees, and whoever else was dismissed as inferior or childlike) violated the most basic requirement of manners, which is to show respect for others.

It took an unconscionably long time for people to realize this. But it happened in a period when the bizarre notion prevailed that the pretense of universal friendship would solve the world's problems. The greatest proponents actually urged hugging strangers, formerly known as assault, as a form of philanthropic therapy.

And so when it was recognized that forms of address needed to be equalized, the solution that Miss Manners would have thought obvious -- granting titles of respect to all -- was bypassed. Instead, equality was to mean that nobody would be entitled to that dignity. Under the pseudo-friendship model, people were no longer allowed to choose their own friends.

Well, that's how things changed. But, as you no doubt gather, it is not an authorized change, and you do not have to accept it. You will, of course, be polite, knowing that the offenders are ignorant of the history, but you should be insistent. If the first correction makes no impression, you should say, "Excuse me, but I said I prefer to be addressed as Ms. (surname)."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you please tell me what is the proper etiquette for inviting someone to a bridal shower if they will not be invited to the wedding? Is that an appropriate thing to do?

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette is: don't. Miss Manners wonders why anyone would think that someone not close enough to be welcome at the wedding would want to participate in a less important but more intimate gathering.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)