DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 43-year-old woman who has been dating a 61-year-old man for about 18 months. At a gathering of his family, his 96-year-old mother introduced me to the attendees, all of whom I was meeting for the first time, as her son's "friend."

I objected (privately) to her son, who then mentioned it to his mother. She said that since we were not engaged, referring to me as his "friend" was appropriate.

Given that we are adults in a serious, committed relationship and had, in fact, discussed marriage, I felt that his mother was being gratuitously unkind, and that the term "friend" has pretty loose and often casual connotations.

Your thoughts? Boyfriend sided with his mother, by the way.

GENTLE READER: Then let it go. Actually, Miss Manners would have advised you to let it go, anyway.

Do you really want to force a 96-year-old lady, who might become your mother-in-law, to announce that your relationship is "serious," whatever that means?

Indeed, the traditional stages of courtship are friendship, engagement and marriage. To that, modern society has added "partnership" to indicate that a household has been established. We do not yet have a term for having "in fact, discussed marriage."

Nothing unkind was intended. Furthermore, you need not worry that the relatives remained in ignorance of your attachment. The minute you left, every one of them asked her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have 10 bridesmaids but only five groomsmen! What do I do?

GENTLE READER: You calm down, that's what you do.

Wedding attendants are not a parade of little temporary couples. They are there for you, not for one another, at least until the party has been going for a while. Get them down the aisle as threesomes, a bridesmaid on either side of a groomsman. Miss Manners promises that they will not be charged with bigamy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was very close to my father, as everyone I know is aware. He passed away, and I have received a number of nice text messages, Facebook messages and emails of condolence, but very few sympathy letters.

I am feeling saddened that digital expressions of sympathy seem to have replaced handwritten and mailed expressions. When my mother died many years ago (pre-digital era), I treasured each and every written expression of sympathy and still have them.

My parents were extremely conscientious about sending personalized notes, and this is something I also do routinely, because I think it is still highly valued by the person who has suffered a deep loss. Do you have thoughts about expressing sympathy in the digital era?

GENTLE READER: It is not entirely a digital era. It is an era in which we are fortunate enough to have various means of sending informal messages quickly, but we have not been deprived of the means of sending thoughtful, personal ones on important occasions. Miss Manners agrees that for your friends to choose the quickest, most casual way to issue condolences was unfortunate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We hosted a dinner for a female friend of ours, and after dessert we retired to the family room to watch a one-hour episode of a top-rated program. Our guest wasn't interested in the show and proceeded to take out her phone and check email, or something.

I found this to be very rude. I thanked her for coming and switched off the TV as she departed.

Am I crazy, or has folks' behavior become so phone-obsessed that they find it virtually impossible to break free of the darn thing?

GENTLE READER: Have you considered the possibility that you are so television-obsessed that you find it virtually impossible to break free of the darn thing?

Miss Manners is inundated with complaints about guests who use their telephones to talk, text or check email during social events, and has never before failed to condemn this rude practice. To prefer doing this to conversing with those who are present is startlingly rude.

But you started with the electronics, without warning and without consulting your guest's taste. You left her to amuse herself, and she did.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm going to be 52 by the time my wedding comes up next month. After my last divorce, No. 2, I went back to my maiden name. Now that I'm getting remarried, I've been thinking of keeping my maiden name and adding it to my new husband's.

He says it doesn't matter either way to him, but I'm curious what's the right thing to do. I know the hassles there are to changing everything I have to change, and of course, even hyphenating is going to create this same issue.

I'm not sure if I would have to use the hyphenated name on everything, or if I can pick and choose which name to use at a particular time. I've tried to research online about it, but came up with nothing. Can you help me, please?

GENTLE READER: Well, somewhat -- just not to the extent of making a definitive declaration of what your name should be. Any hope of maintaining a standard naming system was long ago superseded by individuals (let's face it, ladies) asserting their claim to be addressed as they wish.

So now everyone is happy, yes?

No. Everyone is angry that others may be unaware of her choice, and actively disapproving of others' choices.

You see why etiquette stepped back from the fray. Maiden name, married name, hyphenated name -- etiquette does not object to any of them. Miss Manners also recognizes the convenience of using more than one name, for example, using your maiden name professionally, especially if you have established a reputation under it, and using your married name socially, so as to keep your private life apart from your professional life. That would not even require all those official changes.

But she will warn that you will not be able to get on an airplane unless you remember which name matches your documents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's wedding reception will be themed around a politically charged topic on which I hold the opposite view from him. Should good manners preclude having issues, even heartfelt ones, involved in an unrelated celebration to which people of a variety of viewpoints are being invited?

Am I obliged to attend an event in support of my son where my silence may be taken as approval of something I disagree with? How can I tell him that this puts me, and other guests, in an awkward position?

GENTLE READER: You are quite right that the only proper "theme" of a wedding reception is a celebration of the marriage that has just taken place. Considering it an opportunity to enlist guests in a Save the Mosquitoes drive is, indeed, tasteless.

However, refusal to attend your own child's wedding festivities is such a serious public statement, with long-lasting consequences, that Miss Manners supposes you must be violently opposed to his cause.

Is it possible that you only mean to say that your son is marrying a gentleman? In that case, we call it a wedding, not a politically themed rally. Your presence would not constitute a vote for same-sex marriage, but your absence would be an extreme rejection of your son.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm hoping you can provide some guidance for professional waiters who serve disabled guests in high-end bistros.

I work as a waiter in such, and served a family of four that included a mother, father, daughter and a disabled son. All were grown adults, including the disabled son who was physically impaired and unable to talk. He needed help walking and eating.

Each time I went to the table, the disabled son smiled at me and lifted his arms in an attempt to "shake hands." I talked to the son as I would any other guest. I know he could hear me because when I offered him items such as chocolate milk and pasta, he smiled and waved his hands as if to say, "Yes, sir, I would very much like these items."

Yet in the end, his father spoke for him and placed his dinner order. At the end of the meal, the father thanked me for talking to, and not ignoring, his son.

Did I do the right thing? What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

GENTLE READER: The proper etiquette in any situation is to treat human beings with dignity, which is what you did. Sadly, many people do not, which, Miss Manners surmises, is what made the father particularly grateful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one politely chastise an attendee at a social event who has not RSVPed as requested on the invitation?

Perhaps "chastise" is too strong a word, and I certainly don't want to interrupt my own event with scolding, but this is an increasing problem that I feel should be addressed -- in a polite way, of course.

GENTLE READER: Certainly guests should never be scolded; they should be greeted with enthusiastic hospitality. In this case, Miss Manners suggests exclaiming: "What an unexpected pleasure! When you didn't answer my invitation, I figured it could only be because you were away."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)