DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like most women, I have dreamt of a magical wedding to my very own Prince Charming. At the young age of 19, I was deeply in love and engaged to the man of my dreams.

Before we had even started planning our wedding, we found out I was pregnant (oops and yay!). We decided we should speed up the process for the benefit of the baby and our new family. We had a small ceremony with a judge in the home of my husband's mother. Only our immediate family was there to witness our vows -- no friends, uncles, aunts, etc.

Now, two years later, we are even more in love than before. I am only 21 and he is nearly 24. I still dream of my dad walking me down the aisle, a big, white fluffy dress, my husband at the end of a long cathedral aisle. I ache for the "first dance" and dance with my father, the bridesmaids' support, and the excitement and affirmation of all of our loved ones.

Would it be so wrong to have a wedding now, two years after our vows? We didn't have a registry, bridesmaids, caterer, dancing, reception, etc., before. Is it OK to go all out now?

A final note ... if it is OK for people to get divorced and remarried to another person and have another wedding, then how could it be "wrong" to have a "real" wedding (dress, registry, bridesmaids and all) to the same man you've been in love with and faithfully committed to for years?

GENTLE READER: Could it be the fact that a real wedding is exactly what this is not? At a real wedding, people get married. You had a real wedding.

If you want to have a mock wedding for the sake of the lavish pageantry, you should be extremely careful about whom you invite. You wouldn't want people assuming that your objectives are to show off and receive presents.

Miss Manners is not quite that hard-hearted. Almost, but not quite. She assumes that you just want a bit of glamour in your otherwise happy life. Life is so relentlessly casual nowadays that many people yearn for that. Indeed, it probably accounts for many a financially ruinous wedding.

But you don't need to pretend to be getting married in order to throw a formal, glamorous party. You don't need any excuse but that of wanting to show your friends a good time -- without their being your attendants or audience, and without their having to worry about producing presents.

You can then be yourself, an adult wife and mother, rather than the embodiment of your childish fantasy. And at a formal party, you can even wear a strapless white ball dress, as that is what passes for a wedding dress nowadays.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our office was wondering when it is appropriate to stop wishing people a happy new year. For instance, is it appropriate to wish callers and visitors a happy new year throughout the month of January, or beyond?

GENTLE READER: The time to stop is when people are embarrassed about having violated their New Year's resolutions. Miss Manners estimates that as any day now.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After the start of each new year, I look over the holiday cards we have just received. Every once in a while I notice that someone has not, for the second year in a row, returned our Christmas greeting, and I come to the realization that we have obviously been removed from their card list. I graciously accept (is there another alternative?) this fact and allow the yearly card swap to cease.

But this year I was confronted with a brand-new scenario. Two families with whom we exchange Christmas greetings did not send us Christmas cards. Instead, a full week after New Year's Day, they each sent a "Happy New Year" card. I am quite positive it is not because they do not celebrate Christmas.

I am not terribly surprised that they would choose not to exchange cards. There are some people, like these two families, who we do not see during the course of the year, and I can understand if they see no reason to continue any kind of communication. Despite that our respective lives have taken us in different directions, I still enjoy sending out a greeting once a year. But I respect that others may not share my feelings, and that my card may become a bother and a burden rather than being seen as a friendly greeting.

So, is this the new etiquette rule -- if you don't get a Christmas card, but get a New Year's card instead, it means you weren't on their Christmas card list to begin with, and they are trying to tell you (hint, hint) to stop sending unwanted cards?

GENTLE READER: For someone so heavily invested in an act of friendship, you have a rather unfriendly attitude. Why does it matter whether your friends greet you on one holiday or week than another?

Oh, yes, you explained. They only appear to be greeting you. Actually, they were caught trying to get rid of you.

Well, maybe not. Maybe they decided that the New Year, rather than a religious holiday, was a more suitable time to greet their friends. Maybe they were just late getting out cards. Maybe they had lost your address until your card arrived.

Another Gentle Reader wrote Miss Manners: "Our family has found the tradition of a twelve-day Christmas can solve many holiday problems. Sitting down with a cup of tea or eggnog a day or two after the event to write thanks and catch up with friends in a newsy letter can be very relaxing after the pre-Christmas bustle.

"Writing a greeting for the New Year can solve the problem of friends and colleagues who do not celebrate Christmas. Inviting family who can't arrange for a Christmas Day visit to have another holiday meal (perhaps serving three French hens) is wonderful. And finish with an evening at the theater with friends whose schedule is too busy for you to get together sooner. (Mr. Shakespeare wrote a lovely play for just this occasion: 'Twelfth Night.')"

Miss Manners hopes these people are not on your list of people to ignore next year.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended an exclusive dinner that was clearly identified on the highly sought-after invitation as "white tie." Although the men in attendance were all clad according to the formality requirements -- white tie and tails, not tuxes -- several women actually arrived in short cocktail dresses, and one was even in a short cocktail-type suit.

I won't even talk about the women who wore dress pants! To make matters worse, some of the women members of the organization hosting the dinner were among those in short cocktail dresses.

Although the organization threatens to turn improperly dressed men away at the door, there has been no such threat for women offenders. But I have to wonder, is their fashion faux pas not as bad? Am I hopelessly mired in the past to believe that "white tie" remains the most formal of the formal events and, as such, demands long dresses, not short -- and certainly not pants -- for women?

GENTLE READER: You do have a point, even one with which Miss Manners agrees. But you would be wise not to press it.

Since the 19th century, it has been thought that the proper sartorial division between the genders is that the gentlemen should be dressed conventionally, distinguished only by the perfection of their tailoring, while ladies should indulge in fanciful variety.

You don't need Miss Manners to tell you that there have been revolts in both ranks. There are gentlemen who insist on dolling up their evening clothes with strange vests, perky ties, peeking non-handkerchiefs and such. And ladies who seek a standard evening uniform of little black dresses or trousers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I told my pregnant daughter-in-law that she looked good but tired. She took offense to this by saying that wasn't a compliment. I was just stating what I thought was a fact. Was it rude of me?

GENTLE READER: It is certainly tiresome. Miss Manners is as puzzled as your daughter-in-law why many people seem to think that this is a helpful remark.

To make it so, please amend it to, "You must be tired -- tell me what I can do for you so that you have time to take a rest."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were married two years ago June, and I have yet to send out thank-you cards. The truth is, I have been very preoccupied with now two children and a husband in grad school, not to mention several address moves. I lie awake at night feeling terrible. What should I do? I just feel like it's way too late now. Help!

GENTLE READER: As you are up anyway, why don't you spend the time writing those letters?

Miss Manners hopes you are not up waiting for her to tell you never mind, it's too late anyway, so there's no use feeling bad.

Yes, it is disgracefully late, which is why you are right to feel terrible. The only remedy is to write now, saying, in specific detail, how much you continue to enjoy those wonderful presents. And please leave out the part about being so preoccupied. Your benefactors are busy, too, but they found the time to try to please you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)