DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've sent nearly all my Christmas letters out this year by email (hard copies to those whose email addresses I don't have). A friend said this was impersonal; however, he also said that he and his wife had culled their list considerably.

My list was nearly tripled. Who would you say was more "impersonal," one who "touched" three times more of their friends, or those who touched far fewer of their friends than they did just last year?

GENTLE READER: You are being more impersonal. Sorry.

Quantity is easy with email -- only too easy, Miss Manners believes. Everybody's inbox is cluttered with polemics, jokes, warnings and copies of memos that concern only the primary addressee.

The only touching going on here is your finger on Send All and perhaps the recipients' fingers on Delete.

In contrast, your friends are presumably culling their lists in the interest of quality, dropping the exchanges that have, over time, become meaningless. Miss Manners submits that saving others from having to wonder, "Who on earth are these people -- I don't know them, do you?" is a form of thoughtfulness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When enough money is put into a wedding envelope to cover your meals, drinks and extra for bride and groom, and your meal is not up to standard or good, how do you handle this? Do you let someone know, and who? Or do you just forget it and say nothing, so you don't hurt anyone's feelings? I'm confused because this is happening when meals are picked ahead of time by mail.

GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. Miss Manners really shouldn't be surprised at this, although that doesn't lessen the shock.

It is, after all, the natural outcome of the false, vulgar and widespread idea that wedding guests are supposed to pay for their meals through the money-laundering system of calling their payments wedding presents.

If you were, in fact, contracting to buy a meal from a commercial establishment, you would be right to complain. But instead, you accepted the hospitality of people about whom you presumably care enough to attend their wedding and present them with a token of your affection. If not, you should not have gone. But you did, so you have no right to complain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I (who live in different cities) are exchanging gifts via the Internet. Each of us thought that the retailer we were ordering from would gift-wrap before shipping the selected gift to the other one's address, but it turned out not to be so.

Now we are each faced with having to wrap our own presents (we each live alone), then unwrapping them and pretending surprise. Not that we aren't up to the task, but we were wondering what is the proper etiquette for gift wrapping when sending gifts via Internet.

GENTLE READER: As you and your brother are old enough to live on your own, Miss Manners would think you would be old enough to dispense with the charade of faking surprise on Christmas Day. If not, she suggests that you leave all pre-Christmas packages unopened in their mailing wrappings until then.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a recent widower and will be dating a lady for the first time. We will be attending a performance of "The Nutcracker," and I'm wondering if it may be appropriate to give my lady a corsage for the occasion.

GENTLE READER: Even if your late wife was your high school sweetheart, and you remember how thrilled she was when you pinned a big purple orchid on her, this is not a good idea.

To the post-prom set, corsages are associated with weddings. For a first date, or even a fifth one, Miss Manners is afraid that you are more likely to frighten a lady with such a decoration than to thrill her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mom thinks it is inappropriate to give my boyfriend a foot massage and a shoulder massage in front of her. Do you think this is inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: Personally, Miss Manners wouldn't even want to watch you give yourself a foot massage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the holidays approaching, I find myself torn. In the years past, I have taken my son to purchase presents for my ex and his family. I like being able to take my son shopping and to see him get the gifts for "his" family that he sees as appropriate.

However, I feel that perhaps his father should be responsible for this task. I don't feel appropriate being the one to purchase these gifts, as I would not continue to give gifts to the family if not for my son.

I am wondering if it would be appropriate for me to ask my ex to take our son shopping, or if, because I have been the one to purchase the gifts, I should just continue to do so. I normally give a monetary allotment to my son, and he finds gifts within that allotment for his aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents for that side of the family. I will say the allotment is equal to the amount that he spends on my side of the family.

GENTLE READER: Your repeated use of the word "appropriate" puzzles Miss Manners. Do you mean to inquire whether there is an etiquette rule about who does this shopping? Or are you asking how others would react?

But this is a case in which you are on your own. Do you want to continue, as you say that you like doing it? Do you want to turn it over to the child's father? Do you want to do the shopping but have the father subsidize it?

The etiquette problem arises only if you decide to make a change, and it has to do with how you present this to your son. If your former husband accepts this, it can be explained in terms of his being better able to advise about pleasing his relatives.

However, if he balks, you will have to make sure that your son does not feel that he is the cause of friction between you. And this may involve your continuing the precedent you have established, unfair as it objectively seems.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father-in-law was arrested last week. His family is obviously distraught over this.

In addition to the emotional problems, the sequence of events that followed his arrest have revealed that his wife's finances are not exactly where they should be considering she is not too far away from retirement. (She was unable to bail him out of jail and had to borrow money from relatives to hire a lawyer.)

I am extremely concerned for her emotional and financial well-being, particularly considering she will likely be losing her husband's income permanently. I have a knack for personal finances, so I was thinking about offering to try to help get her finances in order by figuring out if she is handling debt wisely, showing her money-saving strategies, etc. Would that be inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: Tragedy is certainly the time for relatives to offer their assistance, but Miss Manners sees the possibility of danger here.

If your mother-in-law had nothing to do with her husband's crime, she is going to be freshly skittish about trusting even a member of the family. The poor state of her finances suggests an ineptitude that could hamper you in showing her that whatever you do is in her interest.

Now, what about the possibility that her finances show that she was -- purposely or inadvertently -- mixed up in your father-in-law's situation? You really don't want to be the one to handle that.

Miss Manners does not want to discourage you from helping a relative in dire need. She is only suggesting the wisdom of getting a disinterested and reputable professional to do the work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My roommates and I decided to throw a casual house party since we wanted to meet each other's various groups of friends. We decided that the easiest way to coordinate among the four of us would be to send out an online invitation via Evite along with word of mouth.

We sent the Evite out six days in advance of the party but have received very few responses back compared to the number of those invited. Since this is a casual get-together, it is not a crisis; however, the four of us do need to figure out how much food and drink to purchase for our guests.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask guests to click a response given the lead time, whether it be yes or no. Do I have overly rigid expectations for guests to respond to a casual method of invitation?

GENTLE READER: If it is any comfort, people who send out engraved invitations to decidedly not-casual weddings also have trouble getting responses from their guests.

That is not a comfort to Miss Manners, who cannot understand how people can be so callous as to fail to realize the difficulty this imposes on hosts, in addition to the insult.

But it is evidence that the problem is not ease of responding. Response cards, stamped envelopes and computerized methods requiring only a touch of a key have not even made a dent in the amount of non-responsiveness. Like other disrespected hosts, you will have to call or text around to find out who plans to attend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)