DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dad has married someone close to me in age, and I am uncomfortable introducing her as my stepmom. I also don't think it's right to introduce her as my dad's wife. What should I say when introducing her?

GENTLE READER: Are you hoping for a passable way to say, "That's Peaches, who's made a fool of my father"?

There isn't one. You needn't call her your stepmother, but you do have to acknowledge that she is your father's wife. This is a legal definition, not a matter of your deciding whether it is right or wrong. If you want to be cold, and Miss Manners gathers that you do, you could introduce her as Mrs. with her surname.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been divorced for nearly two years. My ex-husband chose an exceptionally lovely wedding set, which I always enjoyed wearing. We agreed that I should keep the ring when we parted ways.

It's been in a ring box in the safe for the past two years, and it seems a shame that something so beautiful is hidden from view. I know I will never sell it, and I have no children.

Is this beautiful object destined to live a life unseen? I no longer have any illusions about the ring's emotional value and have been contemplating wearing it on my non-wedding finger, but is that acceptable?

Also, I have a friend who has always fawned over the ring -- to the point that upon hearing of the divorce, she offered to have her beloved "make me an offer" to take it off my hands, which I graciously declined by telling her that she wouldn't possibly want such a cursed item. (That explanation seemed easier than calling attention to what I'm sure must have been a momentary slip of her usual good sense.)

Is the ring cursed -- or is it just bad form to recycle an item that represents a broken marriage? Clearly no one ever asks whether "Grandma" or "Auntie" had a successful marriage when accepting an heirloom, but the outcome of this ring's marriage is not even up for debate, so I'm in limbo. And if it is cursed, what does one do to remove that curse?

GENTLE READER: How did your divorce get to be the ring's fault?

Just as Miss Manners had concluded that invoking a curse was a graceful way for you to parry your friend's offer, you showed that you were beginning to fall for it yourself.

Perhaps you are confusing a curse with a symbol. The ring did, indeed, carry symbolic value at one time, and some divorced ladies who still feel that but don't want to give up their rings have the stones re-set.

But you say that you are over that feeling, in which case rings revert to being jewelry only. And curse-less.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 27 and have recently stepped back into the dating game. I have noticed an alarming trend: men commenting on women's bodies on the first date.

Now, I do not mind a well-placed compliment to a stranger (you look beautiful/handsome, a comment on a clothing item), but I am deeply offended when men who obviously do not know me feel they can comment on my curves or derriere upon first meeting me.

It is not just the jerks who are wishing to rush the physical ... even the nice guys do it! I would never dream of making such comments to, say, someone I just met at a dinner party, so why do people feel the dynamic changes on a date?

We are still strangers. I am casually dating (bowling, matinee movies, lunch dates ... nothing terribly forward), and so it disheartens me that inevitably the conversation turns to physical things. Is this really inappropriate, or am I just being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Your choice is between being considered "overly sensitive" by many others to the point where you even question yourself, or appearing to welcome vulgarity as a form of courtship.

That ladies should have to set the boundaries is a nuisance, Miss Manners admits. But not doing so long kept alive the idea that they were so pathetically eager to be judged attractive that they accepted as compliments catcalls on the street and other forms of what we now recognize as sexual harassment.

Furthermore, you want to declare otherwise without alienating those whom you call "nice guys." So you will not want to walk away with your nose in the air or say "How dare you!"

Instead, practice a look of Shocked Disbelief. This is a wide-eyed stare, mouth slightly open, followed by a quick shake of the head as if to dislodge a mistaken impression. No words are necessary to make it clear to one of those nice guys that you did not accept his remark as a compliment. Anyone it encourages to continue should be swiftly removed from the nice guy category.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, I asked my husband's sister, who was having the family Thanksgiving dinner at her house, what I could bring. She insisted that it was easier for her to do it all herself and that we should just give her money.

I offered two more times to bring something, but she only wanted money. My husband did not agree and did not pay her when we ate at her house. When we arrived home, my husband's other sister called, screaming at him for not paying up.

This year, we would like to avoid being treated like deadbeat customers, but I'm not sure how we could best do so. Should we politely decline without a reason, should we go along with paying for our dinner for the sake of family harmony, or should we say we will come if we can participate as family members?

GENTLE READER: It can't be easy to achieve harmony in a family where screaming and charging for dinner pass for acceptable behavior.

Miss Manners doubts that your relatives are able to see the crucial difference between helping to cook for a family gathering and paying admission to attend it. In the future, it would be good to give the dinner yourself, setting an example of hospitality.

This year, she suggests that you offer to do the grocery shopping, asking your sister-in-law for a list, and refusing even partial payment on the grounds that you wouldn't feel right charging family or friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For three holidays a year, my mother's extended family gets together for dinner. This meal was traditionally at my grandparents' home, but has since moved to my parents' home. My mother prepares most of the meal, and my aunts contribute a few dishes to ease the burden.

Over the past few years, some new foods have appeared at these dinners, which traditionally include American, German and Eastern European fare. Typically my mother prepares a vegetarian alternative to the main meat course, as I've been vegetarian for more than 15 years.

My aunt's boyfriend started joining the dinners here and there a few years ago, and my aunt brings a meat lasagna for him, as he prefers it to our traditional meals. Recently my uncle requested kielbasa at Thanksgiving because he has a new affinity for it.

Most of us don't have a problem with the new foods -- well, the lasagna is annoying, but that is more a personal issue with who joins the dish -- but my mother gets very annoyed and seems to enjoy complaining about it.

I am now concerned about her offering a vegetarian alternative for me at these holidays. I think it is wonderful, but I would never demand it of a host.

Is it rude of me to have this vegetarian alternative at a family holiday meal? Is it rude of my aunt to prepare a special meal for her boyfriend? Is it rude for my uncle to request a special food? Or is my mother blowing this out of proportion?

GENTLE READER: Doesn't your mother realize that this now IS the traditional American holiday dinner?

It is true that the prevailing intense, individualistic focus on food has killed the nightly family dinner, the social dinner party, pleasant conversation and friendly relations among those who disagree about nutritional or ethical values. But apparently many consider those sacrifices worthwhile as long as they don't have to face anything they can't stomach.

Thanksgiving, however, is already associated with a surplus of dishes. Why not include ones that please the various tastes of the guests?

A legitimate answer is that it makes more work for the host. That does not seem to be your mother's chief objection, as she complains about the lasagna, even though your aunt brought it, and apparently has not complained about you. Miss Manners doubts that your mother would be mollified by depriving you, while others are accommodated.

It would be of more assistance to her for you to offer substantial help in preparing the meal than to incite your relatives to open rebellion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the protocol for inviting the hairdresser who does the bride's hair for the wedding? The woman is a longtime friend and hairdresser for the bride's mother and has graciously offered to do the bride's hair as a wedding gift. Seating and funds are limited.

GENTLE READER: The hairdresser's time and expertise are also limited, Miss Manners imagines. You call her a friend, and she is acting as one. So if you were even thinking of letting her give this present and then pitching her out, please put that out of your mind.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)