DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sometimes stay at hotels where the bathroom is down the hall. May I scurry to the bathroom modestly draped in my wrapper? Or do I need to dress before leaving my room? Is the rule the same on trains?

GENTLE READER: The rule does allow you to scurry to the bathroom without having to dress to go there, undress to bathe, and dress again for the return trip. Not, as in your nightmares, naked, but, as you say, modestly wrapped.

The problem is that this rule is directed at other travelers: They are supposed to consider you invisible until you are ready to present yourself for the day. And people nowadays tend to be blunt, literal-minded and outspoken. Miss Manners therefore recommends keeping the head down and a towel handy to throw over it should anyone along the way make the mistake of addressing you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find myself at the mercy of family and friends who, upon finding out that my longtime boyfriend and I are expecting, immediately ask, "When are you getting married?"

I've discussed with them that it's not high on our priority list with a baby on the way and a new house to get settled into, though we'll likely go to a justice of the peace and make it official.

This is not enough, apparently. One wants there to be a ceremony, the other wants her own bouquet, another wants to go dress shopping, and on and on. I appreciate that they want to celebrate with us, and I'm open to doing something in the future for our families and close friends.

At this point, I have enough on my plate and don't need to incur any extra expenses. How do I politely, lovingly keep well-wishers from running away with my marriage, something I consider to belong to my future husband and me?

GENTLE READER: The most compelling reason these people can think of to persuade you to get married before your baby is born is that it would be fun to shop for the dress?

My, my, how things have changed.

However, Miss Manners trusts that you recognize that they are not so much trying to push you into marriage as they are hoping to participate in what they assume you have planned. And a wedding that consists solely of getting married, without hoopla and debt, has become unthinkable.

But whether the motive is to manage your life or merely to enhance their own, you should not enter into a discussion. It creates the illusion that the outcome will be decided by the person who argues better.

Instead, you can use the gentle tone of voice in which the obvious is uttered in order to say, "One thing at a time; one thing at a time." Or, to anyone who argues that you must marry for the sake of the baby, "We'll get to that in the proper order."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We believe a close relative is gay and will shortly be sharing this with his family. What should we say? We will certainly support and love him no matter what gender he prefers, but how do we react? "Oh, OK" seems lacking, somehow.

GENTLE READER: You have told Miss Manners that you will continue to love and support this relative. Why can't you tell him that?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Hi. Can you help me write a thank-you note to my family members for my grad party gifts?

GENTLE READER: Hi. No.

Miss Manners was about to snap back like that because, in her experience, when a student asks for help with a simple task that is generally considered to be onerous, he means, "Do this for me."

But that would be unprofessional of her, and unfair to you. Surely what you mean is that you are eager to know what makes a letter of thanks gratifying to the recipient.

It is really not that hard. All you have to do is to give the impression that it was not written under duress, as it doubtless was. Rather, you should seem so overcome by the thoughtfulness involved that you can hardly wait to set it down on paper.

That means that you are actually using paper, and that the words "thank you" are not printed on it, but written by your own hand.

However, "thank you" should not be the opening words, because that would suggest you were writing by rote. Start with a statement of emotion -- that you were delighted that they came to your party, or thrilled when you opened their present. Then come the thanks, with a specific mention of the present (except that money is referred to as "your generous gift"), and then a friendly line about the donors (such as that you remember something they told you, or that you hope to see them soon). A line about your own plans -- summer, college or work -- is optional.

It sounds complicated, but Miss Manners assures you that it amounts to only three or four lines, and you will soon get the hang of dashing off these letters. Not only will that assure you of a reputation for graciousness, but it is likely to inspire even more generosity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that there is a proper way to ask for someone on the phone. Specifically, once the line is answered, callers should announce themselves and then ask for the person they wish to speak to. For example, "Hello, this is Mr. Smith. May I please speak to Mr. Jones?"

This seems to be unheard of anymore and, as someone who has to answer the phone for a living, I am constantly having to ask, "May I say who is calling?" The next time that person phones, same thing.

Why don't they get it? I always announce my name when phoning someone. Am I the only one?

GENTLE READER: If not, you will soon be. Pretty nearly everyone now is used to individual cellular telephones that connect directly to their owners and that state the name of the person who is calling. And the land-lines that remain are as likely to reach recordings as people.

At the risk of sounding lazy, Miss Manners -- who believes your complaint to be justified -- despairs of teaching such manners before they are no longer necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have found a disturbing trend in the media and in real-life encounters -- that people who do not live independently from their parents are to be highly scorned.

I am 30 years old and have yet to move out of my parents' home. I was forced to make a career change due to personal reasons, and I will be graduating from a career college in only a few months, with high hopes of getting hired in my field. I feel as though people are heaping scorn upon my parents, as well, for not kicking me out as soon as I was of age.

Many articles and people say that living outside of their parents' homes is extremely difficult for young people, yet I still find myself on the receiving end of "You're HOW old and still living with your parents?!"

I have bitten my tongue against the urge to reply, "How old were you when your parents decided that you were an obligation that they could finally dispose of?"

Obviously this would not be a good response, but I'm at a loss as to how to handle the scathing comments gracefully. This is especially difficult since my parents have been nothing but supportive of my career challenges and have never made me feel like a burden.

GENTLE READER: The people who say this are HOW old?

Miss Manners asks because the generation that considers relatives to be natural enemies is aging. They grew up denouncing their parents' values, styles of living and psyches; they left home as soon as possible and resented the expectation of telephone calls and holiday visits; and they predicted antagonism from children -- their own as well as others' -- at every stage: Babies would ruin your life, teenagers would hate you, young adults would go off and never be heard from again, or, worse, come home.

That other cultures value and seek to prolong family ties does not discourage such believers from declaring generational enmity to be normal human behavior.

But things are changing. You are far from the only young adult living with his parents. And while doing so is always explained in terms of economic hardship and maternal laundry service, those are not the only reasons.

It seems that another generation of parents has reared children who become fond of them. Miss Manners keeps hearing of, and even reading about, college students who keep in frequent touch with their parents, and graduates who are frankly happy to return home, in preference to living in solitude or with yet more roommates.

So you should be hearing fewer such remarks. That aging generation is beginning to realize that if a time comes when they are no longer able to live on their own, it is their children who will decide where to place them.

In the meantime, Miss Manners suggests replying: "Yes, I'm very lucky. Are you able to see much of your parents?" Or, if their parents are not likely to be alive, "of your children."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regarding a husband and wife planning an anniversary, is there one or the other who usually does all the planning?

GENTLE READER: If they cannot settle that peaceably by themselves, Miss Manners supposes that they will not have to worry about celebrating many anniversaries.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)