DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are the terms "supper" and "dinner" synonyms? Is there a time when supper becomes a dinner or vice versa?

GENTLE READER: It has more to do with what else you are eating that day, although you will be relieved to hear that no one is checking how often you snack.

Until the latter part of the 19th century, not so long ago in Miss Manners' mind, the main meal was eaten during the day. Then it became fashionable to have the heavy meal at night, so luncheon took the place of dinner, and dinner took the place of supper. Supper was sent away from the table.

But did it slink off to its room? No, it sneaked out to go drinking and dancing. Supper clubs became the rage, for late-night dining and worse. And to this day, meals served late at night and connected with formal occasions, such as balls, are called suppers.

Yet the humbler meaning survives. "We'd love to have you come by for supper" means, "Don't expect a dinner party."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an antiques preservator, and recently single. My ex died in October; I was faithful to her until the end, as she was to me. It was clear that we had too many deep-seated differences to remarry.

But now things are different. I have gone to church with two ladies most all of our lives; we are all in our 50s. But still we really don't know much about each other.

The first lady is my late ex's cousin. I restored a set of living room tables for her, as a gift for the chance to feel her out, so to speak, in her own house. I found that there were family or clan behaviors in her manner that I have a hard time agreeing with.

The second lady I gave a handmade 1930s gate-leg table, in order to have innocent contact with her to see what makes her tick. From the thanks I got from her, she has no earthly idea as to the worth of the table.

I had it appraised at the best consignment shop in town that caters to more high-end customers. I don't know if indeed she does like it or not. Should I tell the worth of it? Suggest she have it appraised herself? Or leave it alone?

GENTLE READER: Please forgive Miss Manners for thinking that this question would turn out to be more interesting than it did. All that intriguing background about your romantic ties, and all you need to know is how to alert someone that your present is worth more than she seems to think.

It's a perfectly legitimate question, and Miss Manners wouldn't have been able to evaluate your prospects for you, anyway.

Of course, no gentleman would tell the price of a present he gave. But you could say, "You might think of insuring that, in which case you should have it appraised."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How, if ever, should a lady offer her seat to a gentleman on public transportation? I continue to be troubled by this scenario:

On a subway car, there are two facing rows of three seats. One of these seats is the only unoccupied one in the car. The three seats across from it are occupied by Teenage Girl, Teenage Girl's large handbag and Female Student.

Enter two passengers, whom we will call Older Lady and Older Gentleman. They are traveling together. Older Gentleman assists Older Lady to the unoccupied seat and himself stands next to it.

Female Student is embarrassed to remain seated in the standing presence of one who is so obviously her senior, but does not wish to imply that he looks as if young ladies should immediately surrender their seats to him lest he should keel over from sheer senescence.

Female Student rises anyway and offers Older Gentleman her seat, saying loudly enough for Teenage Girl to hear, "If you'd like to sit together." Teenage Girl, who is evidently easygoing enough to pretend not to notice Female Student's rudeness in offering a seat that so obviously is not hers, quickly removes the handbag, leaving two free seats.

Older Lady and Older Gentleman accept the seats, but Older Gentleman appears somewhat annoyed.

Worried that she has behaved offensively, Female Student ponders the problem with vague embarrassment. Was she in fact correct? Should she have taken Teenage Girl's lead and done nothing? She could also have risen out of sheer youthful caprice and pulled out some slim volume of poetry to illustrate her total lack of interest in the seat's fate. But would he have fallen for such a dramatization?

She later asks her (of course) Completely Correct Father what he thinks she should have done and receives a confusing answer about how interesting it is to live in a time when somebody might ask such a question. As a daughter older than 12, she has been insolent enough to decide that he simply doesn't know.

GENTLE READER: He is not the only clueless gentleman in this scenario.

Miss Manners appreciates your delicacy in worrying about what you assume to be Older Gentleman's shame about his age and the possibility that his illusion of appearing youthful would be shattered by your courtesy.

You may be mistaken, of course. Perhaps he had a personal reason to be miffed at Older Lady.

But Miss Manners has little sympathy for those who reject courtesies to prove that they are young or, in the case of ladies, strong. They have nearly succeeded in stamping out the practice of offering seats to the pregnant, the disabled, the elderly and others who need them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a bridal shower, the two women on my right asked my opinion about placing the gift giver's address on the back of the bridal shower card. They felt it was unnecessary and that thank-yous are not necessary.

I was surprised. As a former family and consumer sciences instructor, my junior high classes practiced writing appropriate thank-yous.

Am I out of touch? Are thank-yous unnecessary?

GENTLE READER: Are presents necessary? For that matter, are bridal showers necessary?

No, they aren't. But most people like to receive presents, and those who give like to feel that they are appreciated. Cut off the graciousness on one side of this equation, and the other side will go, too. Miss Manners hears from many who have given generous shower presents, only to decide not to give wedding presents to ungrateful brides.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it wrong that the first thing that occurred to me while watching the lovely Audrey Hepburn in the opening scene of "Breakfast at Tiffany's" was, "She's eating while wearing her gloves!"?

GENTLE READER: Let us hope that it is exactly the reaction the filmmakers intended you to have. It serves as a tip-off that Holly Golightly, the character that Miss Hepburn plays, is not, shall we say, a lady of refinement, however engaging she may be.

There are so many unintentionally misleading etiquette cues in drama -- not just movies, but plays, opera and highfalutin television -- that Miss Manners cannot be sure this was done on purpose. She hopes so. But in a previous life, as a drama and film critic, she became sadly aware that ignorance of etiquette, especially in historical drama, means that one can never be sure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a couple of very vocal families of atheists in our neighborhood. I recognize that their personal beliefs are none of my business, and that freedom of religion means freedom to choose non-belief as well. I respect their right to live as they see fit, to refuse donations to charities whose mission they do not support, and so forth.

The problem that I do have is in their response to people of any faith. In our small city, religious organizations frequently host fundraisers in support of their charitable and educational endeavors. These events include dinners, carnivals and so forth, and church members can regularly be found handing out fliers in public areas of the city.

Not content to say, "No, thank you," and move on, my well-educated adult neighbors choose to express outrage at being approached and to mock and insult the intelligence and the beliefs of the volunteers.

I see similar behavior from staunch members of either political party in our town, with people who have a differing point of view being treated like idiots and publicly embarrassed. I find the attitude that freedom of speech and of thought belongs only to those who say and believe the "right" things to be terrifying.

Is there a polite way to intervene and protect the dignity of someone who is simply trying to do what they believe is right, and that they have the legal right to do?

GENTLE READER: If only. Righteousness and rudeness are a popular combination these days, which is odd because there is nothing right about rudeness.

Whatever the cause, rudeness puts its advocates in the wrong. It also damages any cause. Miss Manners doubts that your neighbors want to plant the idea that lack of respect for other human beings is a tenet -- or an inevitable result -- of atheism. But that is what they are doing.

Still, it would be rude of you to chastise them. What you can do in defense of those they embarrass is to say, "I believe that their religion would require them to respect you and allow you to express your beliefs."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)