DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are you obligated to have a graduation party for your child in order for your child to receive gifts?

When I graduated high school in 1981, some of my friends had parties, but most did not. All of us still received gifts (usually monetary) from family and friends.

I've now been told that you have to have a graduation party for your child to receive gifts. I personally think it's ridiculous. People now seem insulted if they receive a graduation announcement and are expected to send a small monetary gift if you don't have a party.

I don't think anyone should feel obligated to send a gift, nor should I feel obligated to pay for a party. I always give my children the option of having a party, or they can choose to take the money I would spend on a party and use it for their senior trip. We've never had a lot of money to go on vacations, so I feel this is a fun thing for my kids to do if they would like.

Graduation parties seem to be getting out of hand, like everyone expecting parties every year for their birthday. That didn't happen in my house, either. They each had about four parties, but I don't believe in all these parties and the constant "gimme gimme" attitude of young people.

Am I being rude to send out graduation announcements to family and friends even if I'm not planning on having a party?

GENTLE READER: Graduation parties are indeed getting out of hand. But if you truly want to discourage the "gimme gimme" culture, which Miss Manners considers a noble goal, you should not be speculating about how best to get presents for your child.

It is true that guests are more likely to produce them than those who merely receive announcements. (Actually, neither is obligated; congratulations are all that is required.) But so what?

The decision about giving a party should be based on your and your child's inclinations, your resources, and whether this is something your guests would enjoy, not the expectation of tribute from them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This young man I have feelings for continues to tease me to the point where I feel I must defend myself, so I tease him back.

It turns out that he is very sensitive and takes my teasing very seriously. Three times he has called me a name that is regrettably used quite a lot outside of the kennel.

We are in college and are two out of the five people who have the same major at a music conservatory, so I see him in all my classes and we live rather close in the dorms.

Is it unladylike to tease a young man? Should I apologize and make amends?

GENTLE READER: Should you apologize to someone who has insulted you in vile language, because you trampled on his sensitive feelings?

Please, no. Miss Manners begs you to turn your own sensitive feelings to protect yourself from people who not only make you feel bad, but also make you feel bad about feeling bad.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has been brought to my attention that if you are to go to someone else's prom, you should wear a less attractive/fancy dress. This is because you would not want to outshine the graduates.

I used to go to this school, and although I have not been there for two years, feel quite comfortable. So now I need your opinion. I can either wear a subtle dress, a fancy cocktail dress or my prom dress from two weeks ago. (I took down all the pictures so that my classmates will not have seen the dress online.)

GENTLE READER: It is not clear to Miss Manners which of your dresses is so dazzling as to be sure of outshining the graduates.

However, your concern is misplaced. The rule is only to respect the general style of the occasion, dressing neither more nor less noticeably formally. Within that limit, you may look as ravishing as nature and art will permit. Others will be the judges of whether you have shone so brightly as to dim all other young ladies present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have enjoyed being a part of my daughters' weddings, walking them down the aisle and ceremonially "giving them away" to their husbands. The next wedding involves daughter No. 3, who has been living with her husband-to-be for six years.

In discussing the wedding with her, I noted that while I will be happy to be a part of the wedding party, I do not wish to walk her down the aisle. I feel that presenting her to the man with whom she has been living would be a mockery that would make fools of both of us. She agrees.

Both of us will have to answer questions from inquiring wedding guests. Any suggestion for an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: "We both decided that it would be an anachronism," should do it.

And so it is. Did you really feel that your other daughters were your possessions in the sense that you could give them away?

Granted that this custom is a common feature of modern weddings, Miss Manners hopes that everyone concerned takes it as a charming conceit. It is left over from times when a young lady was under parental protection, jurisdiction and roof until such powers were ceded to another gentleman.

It is not universally used, and Miss Manners would be surprised if it became a topic of wedding conversation. But if you think your guests will compare it to her sisters' weddings and conclude that there must be a quarrel, you should devise a way for the bride to acknowledge you -- and her mother -- perhaps with a kiss as she approaches the altar.

However, it is a bit harsh to call the custom a mockery. The only times it looks a bit foolish are when the bride is given away by someone who never had custody of her -- her young son, for example, or a distant male relative instead of the single mother who reared her.

Miss Manners has even heard of an ex-husband being drafted for the job. That actually does make sense, as he did have her and is now through with her and happy to pass her on, but it is not in the best taste.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 20-year-old college student. My grandmother sends me dozens of forwarded emails each week with information such as "watch out for new virus."

I try to be respectful, and even spent some time last semester trying to reply to each email she sent, despite the fact that it was cutting into my other priorities, like school and sorority. However, it annoys me that she expects me to have the time to respond to her excessive emails.

A few months ago, a spam account got a hold of my email and address book and sent my contacts (including my grandmother) an email with a virus link. My grandmother clicked on the link (apparently all the Internet knowledge she sends to others didn't teach her not to click on an unknown link), and I had to spend hours on the phone with her, helping her get rid of the virus.

After that incident, I finally realized I didn't have time to sit and reply to ridiculous forwarded emails when I have other priorities, such as keeping my GPA up. I saw my grandmother a few weeks ago, and I could tell she wanted to make a rude comment about my not responding to her emails. I still think it's absolutely ridiculous to respond to a forwarded email. Do you have any advice on forwarded emails?

GENTLE READER: You are under no obligation to reply to forwarded emails with no personal content. However, you are under an obligation to your grandmother.

But before you make Miss Manners responsible for your GPA, allow her to suggest a less time-consuming way of handling the situation. That would be to deal with the underlying problem, rather than the surface one.

It is not that your grandmother is dying to know what you think of the canned material she forwards. She just wants to hear from you. An occasional quick message, if it is only to say that you're up studying for a chemistry exam and hope she is well and that her garden is in bloom, would please her more.

But there is no escaping the task of digging older generations out of the computer problems they bring on themselves. That is the burden the young have to bear. Someday, when the technology is totally different, your young will dig you out of the mistakes you would not have made if you had paid closer attention to their warnings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I looked up the sauce spoon on the Internet, I saw pictures of a spoon with a v-shaped notch taken out of one side. Is that it? If so, what is the purpose of the notch?

GENTLE READER: Sauce spoons for individual place settings look as if a truck ran over your oval soup spoons. Allegedly, the notch is to allow oiliness to run off, but Miss Manners believes that as they are a 20th-century French invention rarely used, the notch serves as a tipoff that attempting to use this nearly flat-bowled spoon to eat anything liquid would be disastrous.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)