DEAR MISS MANNERS: It has been brought to my attention that if you are to go to someone else's prom, you should wear a less attractive/fancy dress. This is because you would not want to outshine the graduates.

I used to go to this school, and although I have not been there for two years, feel quite comfortable. So now I need your opinion. I can either wear a subtle dress, a fancy cocktail dress or my prom dress from two weeks ago. (I took down all the pictures so that my classmates will not have seen the dress online.)

GENTLE READER: It is not clear to Miss Manners which of your dresses is so dazzling as to be sure of outshining the graduates.

However, your concern is misplaced. The rule is only to respect the general style of the occasion, dressing neither more nor less noticeably formally. Within that limit, you may look as ravishing as nature and art will permit. Others will be the judges of whether you have shone so brightly as to dim all other young ladies present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have enjoyed being a part of my daughters' weddings, walking them down the aisle and ceremonially "giving them away" to their husbands. The next wedding involves daughter No. 3, who has been living with her husband-to-be for six years.

In discussing the wedding with her, I noted that while I will be happy to be a part of the wedding party, I do not wish to walk her down the aisle. I feel that presenting her to the man with whom she has been living would be a mockery that would make fools of both of us. She agrees.

Both of us will have to answer questions from inquiring wedding guests. Any suggestion for an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: "We both decided that it would be an anachronism," should do it.

And so it is. Did you really feel that your other daughters were your possessions in the sense that you could give them away?

Granted that this custom is a common feature of modern weddings, Miss Manners hopes that everyone concerned takes it as a charming conceit. It is left over from times when a young lady was under parental protection, jurisdiction and roof until such powers were ceded to another gentleman.

It is not universally used, and Miss Manners would be surprised if it became a topic of wedding conversation. But if you think your guests will compare it to her sisters' weddings and conclude that there must be a quarrel, you should devise a way for the bride to acknowledge you -- and her mother -- perhaps with a kiss as she approaches the altar.

However, it is a bit harsh to call the custom a mockery. The only times it looks a bit foolish are when the bride is given away by someone who never had custody of her -- her young son, for example, or a distant male relative instead of the single mother who reared her.

Miss Manners has even heard of an ex-husband being drafted for the job. That actually does make sense, as he did have her and is now through with her and happy to pass her on, but it is not in the best taste.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 20-year-old college student. My grandmother sends me dozens of forwarded emails each week with information such as "watch out for new virus."

I try to be respectful, and even spent some time last semester trying to reply to each email she sent, despite the fact that it was cutting into my other priorities, like school and sorority. However, it annoys me that she expects me to have the time to respond to her excessive emails.

A few months ago, a spam account got a hold of my email and address book and sent my contacts (including my grandmother) an email with a virus link. My grandmother clicked on the link (apparently all the Internet knowledge she sends to others didn't teach her not to click on an unknown link), and I had to spend hours on the phone with her, helping her get rid of the virus.

After that incident, I finally realized I didn't have time to sit and reply to ridiculous forwarded emails when I have other priorities, such as keeping my GPA up. I saw my grandmother a few weeks ago, and I could tell she wanted to make a rude comment about my not responding to her emails. I still think it's absolutely ridiculous to respond to a forwarded email. Do you have any advice on forwarded emails?

GENTLE READER: You are under no obligation to reply to forwarded emails with no personal content. However, you are under an obligation to your grandmother.

But before you make Miss Manners responsible for your GPA, allow her to suggest a less time-consuming way of handling the situation. That would be to deal with the underlying problem, rather than the surface one.

It is not that your grandmother is dying to know what you think of the canned material she forwards. She just wants to hear from you. An occasional quick message, if it is only to say that you're up studying for a chemistry exam and hope she is well and that her garden is in bloom, would please her more.

But there is no escaping the task of digging older generations out of the computer problems they bring on themselves. That is the burden the young have to bear. Someday, when the technology is totally different, your young will dig you out of the mistakes you would not have made if you had paid closer attention to their warnings.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I looked up the sauce spoon on the Internet, I saw pictures of a spoon with a v-shaped notch taken out of one side. Is that it? If so, what is the purpose of the notch?

GENTLE READER: Sauce spoons for individual place settings look as if a truck ran over your oval soup spoons. Allegedly, the notch is to allow oiliness to run off, but Miss Manners believes that as they are a 20th-century French invention rarely used, the notch serves as a tipoff that attempting to use this nearly flat-bowled spoon to eat anything liquid would be disastrous.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a shower by a group of the groom's mother's lady friends. Apparently it was close to the "small" wedding (three weeks) and the bride and groom could not be home for the shower, as they both work in a city about five hours away.

The invite said that since the couple was unable to attend, the guests would be honoring the mother of the groom by proxy.

Something old or new? Many of my friends in their 50s thought it was strange. I might add, I know only the groom's mother, but not the couple.

I sent a gift card to a nationally known store for more than I would have spent on a shower gift, as I did not expect to be invited to the "small" wedding. That was immaterial, however, as I am more perplexed by the proxy situation.

GENTLE READER: A shower that the guests of honor claim to be too busy to attend is, indeed, new to Miss Manners.

Unfortunately, schemes to acquire goods without exerting oneself on behalf of the donors is not. Guests are often told to bring or buy their own refreshments and address letters of thanks to themselves -- and that's if they are even invited. The virtual shower, meaning a collection of presents unmarred by socializing, is another modern invention. It would seem sufficient to send one's virtual good wishes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a problem responding to acquaintances asking to take food home. This has happened at both board and committee meetings at my home with different people. Hunks of meat and gourmet cookies were requested.

I don't know how to decline what I consider to be rude and a burden on my limited budget. These are NOT my friends or family who would be accommodated, as I would be by them.

Am I being rude? What can I say to discourage this?

GENTLE READER: "Please have your fill while you are here -- I don't do takeout."

What puzzles Miss Manners is that you seem to think that it is all right for friends and relatives to request leftovers that they have not been offered. Hospitality requires providing refreshment to one's guests, not catering their future meals.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I received a small gift and a thank-you note for a personal service I performed, I was unable to thank the individual in person for the gift and wrote a note. Subsequently I was told that thank-you notes are not required when receiving a thank-you gift. Seems to me, I received a gift and should acknowledge it. Please advise as to the correct procedure.

GENTLE READER: Your instincts are better than your advisers'. Whoever told you that has confused the thank-you present with a thank-you letter alone, which does not require a you're-welcome letter.

Or maybe your friends are just trying to drive Miss Manners crazy with their false etiquette pronouncements. No doubt they are the same people who persuade brides to be rude with the ridiculous claim that a year is allowed them between receiving presents and giving thanks.

All presents require immediate thanks, whatever the motive or occasion that prompted them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)