DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in charge of my high school class reunion, and I have just one question: Is it proper to invite former classmates who did not graduate with the rest of us?

I know of several former classmates who are in our senior yearbook, but did not receive their diplomas from our alma mater. Some transferred to another school prior to completing their senior year; others dropped out.

Should all receive an invitation? Or just those that received their diploma? What if one transferred or dropped out before senior year?

GENTLE READER: The person in charge of the reunion is supposed to be an alumni cheerleader who carries on about what fun it will be and exhorts everyone to attend. Surely you long since left behind that cafeteria table gang whose self-appointed mission was to freeze out those they considered unqualified.

The idea of a reunion is to see people with whom you went to school. Please include everyone. Miss Manners doesn't want you to have to explain why the person everyone wants to see, the dropout who is now a computer billionaire, was not allowed to attend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a party talking to the hostess and another couple. I complimented the hostess on her son's good looks. The male of the couple called me a cougar. I ignored the remark, but I am upset about being called a cougar (this was not a compliment).

How could this have been handled at the party so I was not upset?

GENTLE READER: By smiling sweetly and saying, "I suppose if I'd admired a baby, you'd call me a child molester."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a lady is going quietly about her business and a man unknown to her intrudes on her thoughts with, "Hi, how are you today?" I'm sure you'd advise her to ignore him.

However, what response do you recommend if one is accosted not on a public street but in the aisle of one's local supermarket -- whose employees have undoubtedly been instructed to make these "friendly" overtures to customers?

The last time this occurred, I happened to be contemplating some unpleasant medical news I'd been given an hour earlier and had difficulty summoning a polite response. I don't mind chatting with my favorite cashiers (those who haven't yet been replaced by machines) as I check out, and I appreciate the managers who help me if I'm having trouble finding an item. The rest of the time, I'd rather be left in peace. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Nod pleasantly. There is a significant difference between an attempt to make friends by strangers on the street and a conventional greeting from the employee of a store you have entered. Miss Manners is sorry about your bad medical news, but it does not allow you to snub a legitimate acknowledgment. Conversation is not necessary -- you need merely to nod, say hello, before you speed down the aisle.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a divorced woman, 64 years old, extremely fit and healthy for a woman of my age. I have worked since I was old enough to apply for a job.

I have been single for more than 20 years and lately have felt the desire for another relationship, but dating at my age is very difficult. I know it sounds insensitive, but I don't want to spend (waste) time dating a man, only to find out several months later facts about him that, had I known upfront, I would never have gone out with him.

I am professionally employed. I am by no means wealthy, but I manage my money. I do not have negative baggage and do not want to deal with another person's problems, personal or financial. Some may say I am not giving a fair chance to a man who might turn out to be a good companion, but I disagree. I have heard every line, every scam and every trick imaginable.

Somewhere in my area, there must be one nice, normal man, who like myself is looking for an honest woman and a quality relationship. How does one kindly and swiftly get the message across right upfront that I don't want to mend, fix, nurture, counsel, finance anyone? Is it appropriate to ask a man if he is unencumbered, debt-free, no criminal history, etc.? If so, how does one go about this?

GENTLE READER: Surely you realize that you live in the Internet era, when people advertise for romance by stating their demands upfront, and tools are readily available for conducting background checks.

Suppose you had to depend on relatives, friends, and civic, religious and educational organizations to provide prospects?

Oh, that's right; you remember that from before your marriage. You want to tell Miss Manners how annoying you found all those unappealing prospects they provided. You may have even met your former husband through that system, and you remember how annoying he was.

But you probably didn't meet jail-breakers, bigamists and indigents that way. For all its creakiness and exasperating inability to gauge attractiveness, the old system was pretty good on character and reputation. No doubt there were ghastly mistakes. In general, however, personal recommendations are probably more reliable than what people say themselves when there are no available witnesses to their misdeeds.

So even if interrogating any prospects were not rude, Miss Manners doubts it would yield the information you want. The number of prospects will diminish if you get to know people in their social or professional circles, but so will the number of scams.

Still, you may have trouble finding what you want. A nice, normal man may have a different idea from you about what constitutes a quality relationship. Although he may not need any kind of emotional support from you now, he may be put off by the idea that it would not be forthcoming if, in the future, he did need it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I share manipulation tactics by my ex-husband with his new fiancee?

GENTLE READER: Only if she comes to you in tears.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been taught to leave your napkin loosely on the table when you got up or were done with your meal, as only lower classes folded their napkins. My girlfriend, who is of similar upbringing, insists that napkins should be folded. Which is correct?

GENTLE READER: In this apparently upper-class upbringing, was either of you taught the importance of context? (Or that referring to the "lower classes" is -- well, declasse? When used to mean that rich people have manners and poor people don't, it is also inaccurate.) You are both correct or incorrect, depending on the circumstances.

Among those happy few who use cloth napkins routinely, even fewer are quite fortunate enough to have them laundered every day. It was always thus, which is why those lovely old monogrammed silver napkin rings exist to identify each diner's napkin for the next meal. Therefore at family meals, the napkins are neatly folded, including by houseguests.

This is not true for one-occasion meals, such as at parties or restaurants, which is why Miss Manners is bewildered when magazines show formal dinner tables set with napkin rings. Does that mean the guests are never going home -- or at least not until laundry day?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother (newly widowed) is now offended at my sister's fiance and his parents for failing to initiate contact with her after my sister announced her engagement. My mom is insistent that it is the groom's family who should introduce themselves to the bride's family (her) and presumably plan some social gathering (nothing elaborate) to get acquainted.

My other sister and our spouses were wondering what unknown rule of etiquette did we not learn from Mom while growing up. Plus, we secretly think she just made this one up.

GENTLE READER: No, she didn't make it up. That is the rule, although Miss Manners is not surprised that you sisters didn't grow up hearing, "Now, girls, always remember that when you get engaged, be sure it is to a young man whose parents know to call on us first."

It is not, however, a rule that should be applied rigorously. The idea is for the two families to become acquainted, as they will be sharing many occasions. If this begins with one side feeling hurt and the other having no idea why, it will not be pleasant.

You might want to drop the argument, as your newly widowed mother may be feeling vulnerable -- and anyway, you lost. Your sister could ask her fiance to ask his parents to invite her, but if that might cause problems, Miss Manners suggests that your sister and her fiance invite all three parents together themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter-in-law has just asked me to give her a baby shower. She has also sent me a list of those she would like to attend and the ones she does not want to attend, specifically my oldest daughter.

Does any of this seem a little rude? Pretentious? Am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Rude? To tell you to honor her and snub your daughter?

Well, yes. Miss Manners suggests telling her that you are flattered at her selecting you, rather than waiting for one of her friends to suggest a shower, but that unfortunately, it is considered very bad manners to give showers for one's relatives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)