DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is serving as an ambassador after decades as a career diplomat, and we are posted to a lovely city that many people enjoy visiting. Therefore, we have many houseguests.

We have household staff who do double duty when the houseguests come. We feel they should get something extra during these times, but we're not sure how to handle it -- tip our staff ourselves, or nudge our guests into leaving a tip.

The latter seems pretty tacky to me, but we were actually instructed by more experienced ambassadors in a protocol seminar to leave a little sign in the guest bedroom gently suggesting leaving a tip for the staff.

I feel some people may be offended by this, but that others will be grateful to be reminded. If we've invited friends to come visit, should we, as hosts, just "eat the tip"? If we paid our staff these tips ourselves, it would probably come out to about $1,000 a year. When we have guests, we offer them three hot meals a day (we have a wonderful cook), and we often take them touring (gas is expensive in Europe, too).

These things I wouldn't dream of asking payment for -- they are part of being hospitable and are a joy, really. But the tipping point (pun intended) seems to be somewhere in its own little gray area.

GENTLE READER: Your guests probably also do not understand that they are your guests, not the U.S. government's, and that you will be paying for their keep.

Miss Manners is not suggesting that you tell them that, which is why she is making this public announcement. But you can mention the tips incidentally, by saying how much the local custom is to give when you are explaining -- as surely you must as a matter of interest -- the customs of the country.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a chronic illness for almost 20 years, and most of the time I have been able to conceal it. However, the past few years it has gotten progressively worse, and this year I had to retire early.

Few people know the extent of the problems or know there is no cure. It's very difficult for me to go out and be social because it's so tiring. When I do go out socially, some people I know may ask me, "How are you?" and I have no idea how to reply.

If I smile and say I'm fine, it's lying. I don't want to say something negative or otherwise be a wet blanket to the social occasion. I've thought of just trying to change the subject to the weather, but is that appropriate?

GENTLE READER: If you simply smile and reply, "How are you?" Miss Manners doubts that anyone will protest, "No fair, I asked you first!"

This is because what appears to be a health question is not, when asked socially, a request for medical information, but a mere convention. The conventional response, "Fine, thank you," or, if your conscience prefers, "As well as can be expected," is not a lie, but can be understood to refer to your not being in distress at the moment, or you would not have attended a party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman in my early 20s, and I have recently taken up knitting in an effort to broaden the scope of my hobbies. I thoroughly enjoy it, and it provides endless entertainment for me.

I started off knitting at home, and once I became more confident in my abilities, I began taking my knitting outside with me. It has proved to be useful in staving off boredom while waiting for the bus or at the doctor's office, among other places.

Unfortunately, since I have been taking my knitting with me, I find myself frequently asked by several people when the baby is due. I am not pregnant; I am merely a larger girl with an affinity for homemaking crafts. I find myself at a loss for a response and typically end up looking at the offender with a mix of shock and surprise.

Sometimes the look is not enough, and they remain there smiling and waiting for an answer, at which point I have a tendency to laugh nervously and say something to the effect of "I'm not pregnant." I feel bad about how chagrined the questioners are, but I can't think of any other response besides making up a due date to preserve the poor folks' dignity.

Is there a better response I could give these well-meaning (and seriously misguided) people? Am I more or less doomed to pregnancy questions because the only feasible reason for a young woman to knit is that she is expecting?

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners understands it, football players who knit do not have this problem. But we all have the problem of inspiring strangers to voice the first silly association that comes into their heads.

Pretending to be pregnant would only encourage such people to make even more intrusive comments. They have compromised their dignity enough as it is.

Unless you are knitting booties, you can merely state what it is, in fact, that you are knitting: "Actually, this is going to be a ski mask. For skiing, not for robbing convenience stores."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just received a wedding invitation with an enclosed response card. The response card is basically blank, but says, "The favor of your reply is requested before (the date)." What is the proper response? A note, an email, a phone call?

GENTLE READER: Why is the card called a response card? Why does it have blank space in which to write?

Miss Manners has always opposed such cards. It is not the host's responsibility to supply the means of response, and anyway, those who do so report the same rate of non-responsiveness as those who trust their guests to know that invitations of course require an answer.

But there that card is in your hand. Unless you want to be ultra-correct and respond in the same third-person form in which wedding invitations are issued, for goodness' sake, use it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a trip visiting relatives, one thing baffled me. They do not put any garbage bags in their bathroom garbage cans.

So, I am always wondering if they are intended to be used or if they are just for decoration. (They are always empty, except sometimes the toilet bowl cleaner tool has been placed in there.) It seems strange to me to leave my hair or other items for disposal in the garbage can for our host to empty when we leave -- without a bag, it seems a much messier and unpleasant job.

But it is equally awkward to walk my items through the house to put in the kitchen/laundry garbage can, which is the only one that has a bag (and the only one that seems to be intended for regular use).

What would be the appropriate way to handle this? Should I bring my own garbage bag and use that and take it out when I leave? Should I use the garbage can provided and assume that the host understands there is a purpose to having a bathroom trash can and prefers it to be used as is?

Should I continue the current practice of surreptitiously carrying items to the one trash can in use? Or do more considerate houseguests just take their trash back home with them?

I always put a plastic bag in my bathroom trash cans. It's easier to clean up and seems more understanding of the need to throw things away. I guess it's not quite as neat-looking. Is there something wrong with that?

GENTLE READER: There is something seriously wrong with a society that does not understand the purpose of bathrooms -- that thinks of them as places to tease guests by displaying practical items that are not intended to be used.

The guest towel fetish is bad enough. Miss Manners used to blame overzealous child-rearing rules that left people terrorized of using guest towels even when they grew up and became guests. But then she started hearing from hosts who proudly defend their guest towels against their guests.

And now you harbor the thought that a wastebasket might be considered too fetching to use. How about the toilet paper?

At any rate, Miss Manners does not accuse your hostess of this silliness. Lining a wastebasket may be convenient, but is certainly not necessary. One does not expect garbage in the bathroom. It is thoughtful of you to want to spare your hosts the sight of your trash (it is just trash, isn't it?), but you can do that by emptying it into their garbage can once, at the end of your stay.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning a wedding for my friend and her fiance, but it has become very frustrating. They simply cannot agree on anything.

I am very curious as to exactly how much involvement or say a groom should have about his wedding. Other friends say the wedding is all about the bride so the groom should have no say, but others think the groom should have some say because it is his wedding, too.

GENTLE READER: Never mind whose wedding it is. Miss Manners' advice is not to make any wedding plans for this couple that cannot be canceled without penalty.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)