DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I went to my boyfriend's college town to celebrate the birthday (60 years) of one of his classmates, another one of his classmates (female), who lives in that town, proceeded to ask me questions about my relationship -- "How long have you really known him?" and "Are you really dating?" -- only to add an elaborate story of how they met in college.

It was obvious the crush still existed after 40 years. Almost jealous, she added comments like, "He didn't like me because I had small breasts."

I commented that one of the guests at our table was friendly and fun, only to have her comment back, "He's single," loud enough for my boyfriend to hear.

She continued with concerned, almost suspicious, comments about how my boyfriend doesn't share personal information with her (about me, the ex, children, work), and you could tell she was disturbed by not being more a part of his life.

I let her go on, but I would like to say something to her to let her know that it can't happen in the future.

Of course, I told him everything. He thought it was played best not to say anything, and he felt her comments were odd, too. I don't want to continue this secret with her as though I'm being faithful to her through this chat. I feel it was inappropriate, and honestly it is time to address the crush and let it crash.

GENTLE READER: Why? What does everyone hope for at a reunion? To hear that one's image has been cherished over the decades, and that one's present appearance does not douse the flame.

True, this was about your beau, not you, and he does not seem to find it particularly interesting or even amusing. Your attitude puzzles Miss Manners even more. The lady lives in another town, where you are not likely to see her again, the gentleman does not reciprocate her interest, and there is no question of sharing secrets, because you immediately relayed what she said.

Why, then, do you want to crush this crush? You need only have said, "Well, you have good taste. He is indeed wonderful and makes me very happy."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a widow for five years, and several women have criticized me for still wearing my wedding ring. One of them told me I was lying by still wearing it.

I told her I was wearing my ring due to men assuming I need a man if I am not wearing a wedding ring. As I am almost 70, I don't think I need to put up with any of this -- either by men or by the women who think I should not be wearing my wedding ring.

GENTLE READER: Just because they are mean, insulting, intrusive, and totally ignorant of either the spirit or the rules of etiquette?

Miss Manners hopes that your would-be suitors do not insinuate that you "need a man," which is insulting under any circumstances. But you do seem to need a new set of friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How many wedding gifts do you give?

-- One for the engagement.

-- One for each shower.

-- One for the wedding.

Is this correct?

GENTLE READER: The answer Miss Manners will give you is not what you would hear from most engaged couples or those who aid and abet them.

They tend to believe that marriage excites their relatives, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to the point of wanting to fulfill the couple's every material wish. And couples are rarely shy about stating what those are. They have even had the effrontery to claim that etiquette requires this matrimonial grab-fest, or at least sanctions it.

It does not. There is no such thing as a marriage tax that comes due whenever the would-be recipients declare it is.

Engagement presents were a rarity until a decade or two ago. Perhaps a favorite aunt might be so moved, or a prospective mother-in-law might give the bride a family bauble to wear at the wedding. But no one showed up with a present at an engagement party, because the purpose of the party was for the parents to announce the engagement as a surprise.

Multiple showers are warranted only when the bride or the couple has more than one distinct set of intimate friends. They should not be catch-all occasions, and nobody should be expected to attend more than one. Anyway, shower presents should be charming but trivial, and not comparable to wedding presents.

And while wedding presents are serious, those are not expected twice, either. Miss Manners has nothing to say against your feeling generous to a friend who is being married for the second or fourth time, but etiquette considers wedding presents to be associated only with first weddings.

You will have noticed that these customs date from a time when a couple would not announce their engagement on the social networks before their parents had a chance to tell anyone, and when a first marriage would represent their initial foray into joint housekeeping.

Traditions do change when there is a compelling reason for them to do so. But today's blatant avarice does not inspire Miss Manners to declare that bridal couples are permitted to exploit their friends, relatives and colleagues.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of our family members invited us for his child's birthday party. After two days he called us just to confirm whether we would be attending the same.

Let me also inform you that this type of call was made only to us, and no other guests were asked the same thing.

Do you think it was appropriate for him to have such partial treatment? I am not able to assess his real intention in asking us about our attendance.

GENTLE READER: His intention was to find out if you would be attending.

Only if you had already answered the invitation, and have a clean record of never once having accepted an invitation and failed to attend (unless run over by a truck), will Miss Manners allow you to be properly indignant about this call.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My older sister insists on leaving cash on the dresser after an overnight visit -- somewhere around $30 per night.

The rest of the family has tried to tell her that this is not only unappreciated, but rude. Family is family, and we enjoy having her visit. When we visit her, we don't leave her cash for the visit. She shares expenses for meals eaten out, etc., so it's not like she's trying to make up for not carrying her weight.

She insists it's in lieu of paying for a hotel. How can we convince her to stop this?

GENTLE READER: After the family has told her that leaving money for relatives is unappreciated and rude?

Well, you might tell her what hotels cost these days and that $30 won't get her a broom closet. And that's without the priceless loving atmosphere you throw in.

No, not really. That would be just as crass. What Miss Manners suggests instead is that you put the money into an envelope and send it to her with a note saying, "It was our pleasure to have you here." Repeat if necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked, for about 15 years, with an older gentleman. I was fairly young when I began work and rather naively, I realized later, considered his flirting to be either a joke or just the way he was with everyone. I made this assumption because when I met him, I was 24 and he was 54 and married. Despite the flirting, we became very good friends.

When he retired a couple of years ago, he invited me to breakfast and made sure that it was clear he wasn't joking and meant nothing innocent by the invitation. I was startled and embarrassed. I demurred but without really explaining my confusion or embarrassment.

Over the past few years, I hear from him occasionally, and he is always disappointed that I haven't tried to be more communicative.

I really do care about him -- as I would an older brother or a father figure -- so I do want to see him and talk to him, but I am always nervous about where he thinks such meetings might lead (not to mention the hugs at meeting an old friend). I'm also really bad at confrontation, so I tend to ignore interpersonal problems in the hopes that they'll go away (something I still do, even though I've seen evidence proving this to be a fallacy).

Is there any graceful way of dealing with this and retaining my friendship with him?

GENTLE READER: You do not have a friendship with him. At best, you have an unrequited courtship -- and Miss Manners considers that a generous "at best."

He has made his intentions clear, and you may be sure that he has a clear idea of your difficulty in coping with them. Furthermore, your distaste for what he wants does not seem to bother him.

The only way to reject his advances is to reject him completely. An offer to be your father or your brother is not on the table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)