DEAR MISS MANNERS: In today's tech-centered lifestyle, almost all invitations for parties go out via Facebook or e-vite. Both sites give you the option of saying "maybe I will attend," and often this list is longer than the "Yes" list.

With the cost of invitation cards, postage and everyone moving so much, I know that written invitations are quickly becoming a thing of the past, but is there some way to make people take online invitations more seriously?

I am trying to plan a birthday party and don't know if 20 or 50 people are going to be showing up due to the 30 maybes on my guest list. I find this so frustrating but don't know how to make it clear to my friends that I need a "yes" or "no" answer.

GENTLE READER: Why would you use a site that is hostile to hosts?

When people refuse to answer invitations one way or the other, they are not only inconveniencing those who have kindly offered them hospitality but also insulting them. Anything more than a day to check calendars and partners smacks of hoping for something better to come along.

Miss Manners is all too aware that the problem of hedging -- and total nonresponsiveness -- is not limited to electronic invitations. People who send engraved wedding invitations complain of the same. Still, electronic invitations have the appearance of being mass mailings about highly informal gatherings.

It would not be much more trouble for you to send direct emails to each friend, and even Miss Manners knows how to copy those so that they seem individually composed. You may still have to nag delinquent individuals, as you must now, but at least you will not have posted dilly-dallying as an apparently legitimate option.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the manager of a choral group composed of employees at my workplace. Traditionally, after a performance, we have given floral bouquets to the conductor as well as any soloists.

For one of our recent concerts (held at noon at our office building's auditorium), the person who usually volunteers to buy the flowers bought corsages from a florist instead of bouquets.

I have never seen corsages given to performers, and I think it's part of the "show" to give bouquets that are more easily seen by the audience. I also thought it would be a bit odd for the singers to go back to their offices and work wearing corsages. Moreover, they could have put flowers in a vase and enjoyed them for a few days, whereas a corsage has to be thrown out at the end of the day. Assuming the cost of flowers is not the main issue (although in this case, that was part of it), is handing out corsages at the end of a performance acceptable? In addition, what to do if the soloist is male?

GENTLE READER: That your volunteer purchaser was able to get a bargain because the previous night's local high school prom was canceled is all very well -- except that she gave no thought to the inconveniences you mention that she was causing the recipients. And wasn't pleasing them the point?

The way to save money, Miss Manners suggests, is to give each musician a single rose. Even a gentleman can accept that without embarrassment and then cut the stem to make a boutonniere.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student with a question about the etiquette of borrowing notes. It has taken me a long time and a lot of hard work to get to college, as I've been financially independent since high school. Now that I'm actualizing my goals of higher education, I take my studies seriously and make a point to not skip class, to do my homework, to understand the material, etc.

There is a girl who was in a couple of my same classes last term and is again currently. She is an excuse maker, and she is constantly behind. She asks me for help. Last week, she asked to borrow notes. I said OK but told her to return them before next class so I could keep my notes in order.

Surprise, she didn't show up. She brought my notes back to class today, but, since she missed class again on Monday, now wants to borrow those notes. I find it rude that she would ask for a favor, not uphold my conditions, and then ask for another.

I've turned down her requests for help in the past, but she keeps asking. I am sick of hearing her self-pitying; none of her excuses are justifiable for consistent lagging (i.e. oversleeping, slow bus, etc.), nor are they more serious than any of the challenges I've overcome to be here. Life is hard, so is college; stop making excuses and get to work.

How do I politely tell her that I am not her personal tutor?

GENTLE READER: You have a perfect excuse in that your classmate did not abide by the terms you set when lending her your notes. Yet you have fresh experience of how annoying excuses are.

Miss Manners assures you that no such evidence is necessary -- nor is using one desirable. Excuses invite the persistent to argue back. You would only bring on another round of her excuses and unreliable promises.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I entertain frequently, about four to six parties a year. Numerous times in the past, I have had individuals who were not invited approach me and either ask if they could attend my party or ask why they were not invited. It's an awkward situation as I stumble around for a polite reply.

I even had one fellow say to me, "Oh, I get it, I didn't make the A-list!" I was stunned, to say the least.

What is the proper response to these folks?

GENTLE READER: Just a guess, but these are not people who regularly entertain you, are they? Or possibly ever invite you?

Even if they were, it is outrageously rude for anyone to demand an invitation or an explanation for not getting one. Social life does not consist of inviting one's entire acquaintance to every occasion. But Miss Manners has noticed -- you are not the only host to have complained about this -- that it is generally those who never reciprocate who feel that invitations are an entitlement.

In that case, you can reply, "But I thought it was I who am not on your list."

To those who really are part of your reciprocal social life, you could reply, "Oh, there will be other occasions. I don't always give the same party."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our new dog is a 7-month-old, very rambunctious Border collie who is in the midst of being trained. When guests come to visit, we put him in a crate in the kitchen, which is where we usually sit. If the people are planning on staying for more than five to 10 minutes, we put him in a crate upstairs.

Twice in the past week, guests assured us that they wanted him loose. Yet when he brought the first person a toy and attempted to put it in her lap, she grabbed him by the collar and roughly pushed him in his crate, as she felt he was "herding" her. Then she offered to take him home with her as he needed to be trained more sternly with hitting.

The second guest explained that she had trained her dog by hitting him hard enough to "knock him off the sofa but he never pulled at my foot again."

I was upset. To the first, I just shook my head, but I told the second that I didn't like hitting. She was insistent and spent some time explaining how soft I was and the necessity to start hitting the dog. It made me very uncomfortable.

Should we just ignore guests when they ask that we let the dog out of his crate so as not to subject the dog to possible volunteer dog trainers?

GENTLE READER: Apparently it would be easier than training these guests. Miss Manners only hopes that you do not invite these people when there are young children in the house.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was in a national chain bookstore, sitting in a chair provided by the store in front of the magazine racks, reading, two gentlemen started carrying on a conversation directly in front of me.

I found it annoying but let it go on for two or three minutes and finally stood up, did not step in any direction, as I was standing well within their personal space, addressed them with the following: " Gentlemen, I am not trying to be a jerk, but I would appreciate it if you would please carry on your conversation somewhere else."

Of course they looked at me like my hair was on fire and one informed me that "this was not a library," which I stated I was aware of. My statement had the desired effect, but was I right to do this?

GENTLE READER: With the best of intentions, Miss Manners keeps trying to mouth your exact statement in a tone that does not sound like chastisement. She has not been able to make it come out as if you were offering an apology and begging a favor.

As you acknowledge, a bookstore is not a library; conversation at normal speaking levels is not out of place there. So asking them to move requires an apology for disturbing them as well as a petition to do you a favor.

True, you accomplished your purpose in sending them elsewhere to speak, no doubt, of your rudeness. But you did not accomplish your stated purpose of "not trying to be a jerk."

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