DEAR MISS MANNERS: A client came in for tax season! We only see each other once a year. Anyway, in she came for her appointment; I came from around the corner in the office, saw her sitting/waiting, and greeted her with, "Oh! When are you due?" She looks about five to six months pregnant, but ISN'T!!!

We proceeded to discuss drinking enough water, medications, doctor visits, blood tests, etc. But the fact of the matter is she isn't pregnant.

How do I apologize for assuming? Should I apologize?

GENTLE READER: Abjectly, but it is not going to help much.

Presuming to recognize the contents of a lady's womb is about as nosy and presumptive as one can get. Even if she were pregnant -- even if she appeared to have passed her due date -- it was her news to volunteer, not yours to guess.

Miss Manners recommends that you augment that apology by attempting to remove the notion that your comment was inspired by her figure. "I don't know what I was thinking -- why I even had babies in mind," you should say. Because what did you have in mind? Delighting her with testimony that the first thing that leapt out at you when you saw her after a year was the size of her stomach?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The last couple of years, we have been to two or three weddings where there was no receiving line. When I approached each bridal couple, I was made to feel I was intruding. I had the feeling that they were to be looked at, admired, but not to be touched, hugged or congratulated. They did not go around to the tables. They were so cold and so into themselves!

We give generously to these occasions, not only the gift, but our time, our clothes, etc., making sure to attend the wedding ceremony as well as the reception. Please advise future brides, if you agree, that although their day is important to them, we have made a very special attempt to honor them and would like at least a hello in exchange. I don't know how they know who was even at their wedding (except for the gift).

GENTLE READER: Or whether they care. Except, as you point out, for the expected gifts.

Apparently your friends are among those who think of wedding guests as comprising a paid audience, who are not even entitled to backstage passes so that they can express their admiration personally to the stars.

Miss Manners has heard other explanations, but these are not much better. It takes too much time? Well, since it is necessary to greet every single guest, a receiving line is the most efficient way to do it. They promise to make the rounds and greet them at dinner? But they will be detained by some to the neglect of others.

What's that? They say that a receiving line is "too formal"? In that case, how do they characterize that dress with the 5-foot train, and the eight bridesmaids in attendance and the five-course dinner?

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I seem to be at the very beginning of what might be a romance, having gone on two fun and innocent dates. I know that you encourage a period of "friendship" before plunging in. Would it ruin the illusion of just being friends to give a handmade valentine card?

I do like to make valentine cards with lots of lace and red hearts, but maybe that would seem silly. Should I give it in person, or mail it? Mailing it would require finding out the mailing address somehow. And, what should it say?

The general message I would like to convey is, at the very least, "I would very much like to keep dating you!"

GENTLE READER: Leaving aside the notion of "plunging in," which Miss Manners would prefer not to think about, she may well have suggested the friendship approach to romance. Not that she really expected anyone to listen.

So instead of courtship strategy, she will discuss your question in terms of the strategy of etiquette. As this has to do with the effect on the recipient, it may amount to the same approach.

The object should be to delight him, rather than to embarrass him. You know him better than Miss Manners does, although not much better, since you don't know where he lives. If you believe that a valentine from you will set his heart racing, go ahead. However, she believes that even if a romance is budding between you, it is all too likely to inspire the unromantic thought, "Uh-oh. Was I supposed to send you one?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a 16-year-old daughter who is very attractive, smart and doing well at school. What would be a proper way to answer, when my acquaintances or coworkers (not close friends of mine) ask me if my daughter has a boyfriend or dates someone? Regardless if she does or does not, I don't want to discuss that or give them details.

GENTLE READER: The answer is a firm, "She has lots of friends." If there is one follow-up, Miss Manners suggests, "Yes, some of them are boys," but for further persistence, "No doubt she'll be flattered at your interest."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I recently bought a house. We are the first of our circle of friends to do so; in fact, most of our friends still live with their parents.

But now that there is an available house for everyone to congregate without parental supervision, our house has been elected the "party" house for everyone and every event. We have people over at the house constantly.

Usually we don't mind, but there are a select few who seem to always outstay their welcome, sometimes staying past midnight or until my boyfriend or myself fall asleep on them. How do you politely kick someone out of your house? Is there a polite way?

GENTLE READER: As a responsible hostess, you are no doubt aware of the unfortunate necessity of taking away car keys from a guest who is not in a state to leave. Let us hope you do not have such guests.

But you can use a similar technique in reverse on guests who overstay. You may not have their car keys, but you have their coats to bring them, along with your profuse thanks for their visit.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have four children, ages 1, 2,9 and 5, and my mom and older sister are very mad at me cause I don't invite the whole family anymore to my children's birthday parties.

My sister lives about 3 to 3-1/2 hours away. She always invites my kids to her kids' birthday parties. Her parties are about two hours long, and you drive for seven hours back and fourth. Her house is very small, and I am not spending the money for a hotel for the weekend.

My mom says I am wrong. I also don't invite my sister's kids to my children's parties cause I have kid parties. They invite their friends. Again my mom yells at me and tells me I am very wrong!

Am I wrong for letting my kids have their parties? I am sorry but I can't afford to have a family party and a kids' party for all four of my kids. It's not because I want to hurt my family. I just think when the kids get to be school age, they should be able to have their friends instead of a family party. Please help!

GENTLE READER: Anything to stop the yelling, which is no way to ensure family closeness.

Of course your children should have birthday parties with their friends. But equally of course, they should grow up with their cousins, enjoying family occasions together.

Miss Manners' help consists of suggesting that you and your sister alternate having catch-all family birthday celebrations, aside from the individual parties for friends on each child's birthday. This needn't be for every birthday; you could have these seasonally, honoring everyone who had a birthday in that season, or even just twice a year, for the January through June birthdays and the July through December ones. Without being pinned to a specific date or distracted by each child's friends, such gatherings will be much more conducive to the bonding your mother misses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have often felt put down when I read e-mails that open abruptly with no other greeting than my name. About 95 percent of the business e-mails I receive start this way. I have always been careful to reply with a "Dear," as doing otherwise feels unnatural and rude to me, but am I being archaic? What is the proper etiquette?

GENTLE READER: That e-mails need not resemble letters is upsetting two sets of people: those who are used to paper letters and consider e-mails to be their exact replacement, and those who have never been exposed to paper business letters and think that e-mail letters should be formal correspondence, in contrast to texting.

Miss Manners gathers that you belong to the first group, so you may consider yourself archaic if you wish. There may be instances in which a formal letter is sent by email for its speed, in which case the traditional salutations and closings should be used. But email, with its built-in headings and subject line, is more akin to a memorandum than a letter, and it is not rude use it as such.

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