DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own an artwork purchased from a major New York gallery and I wrote twice, to both the former director and present director of a city-owned art museum to which I financially contribute, that my will says that I leave the piece to the museum.

I never received an acknowledgment.

Recently, a literary magazine had a long essay on the artist on the occasion of a show of his art in a major American museum. I sent the essay to my contacts at the museum mentioning that I had never received an acknowledgment.

At a museum event the other day, the museum director told me he recalled my letter but did not think it warranted a reply! Should I change my will?

GENTLE READER: Yes, if only to spare your survivors from dealing with someone so rude.

Miss Manners gathers that the museum is not that interested in this particular work of art, which is more likely to be appreciated by the major museum that showed the artist's work. She would also surmise that this director is not interested in any donations, if he believes he can afford to snub one of his donors who also collects art.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my partner and I are chewing gum, he starts to pop bubbles. I told him that it's annoying, rude and obnoxious. He argues that there are no etiquette rules to chewing gum.

GENTLE READER: Sure there are, lots of them. Did you think Miss Manners missed grade school?

How about the rule against sticking it in the hair of the person who has the ill luck to sit in front of you?

There are countless other specific rules, but in your case, they are not necessary. The relevant rule for him is: Do not annoy others unnecessarily.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were recently married. He is a Ph.D. student, and I am finishing my master's degree and looking for work. Due to our families' financial situations, we decided to elope to spare them the costs of a formal wedding.

We are on an extremely tight budget and only have two dining chairs, and no money for more. I have always loved entertaining, but now I am hesitant to do so because of our lack of dining chairs.

Can you please tell me if it is acceptable to invite another couple over for dinner if they will be seated in our dining chairs, while my husband and I sit on ottomans? I don't want to offend, but I would also love to entertain company.

GENTLE READER: Whew. Miss Manners thought she knew where you were heading and is thrilled to find out that she was mistaken.

Every other letter she has received in which newlyweds (or oldyweds) beg off from entertaining because they are lacking some equipment asks for a free pass not to reciprocate hospitality or suggests a scheme for getting donations from prospective guests.

Yes, of course you should go ahead and entertain. No guest worth having would be the least put off by your furniture arrangements.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I, like many, feel uneasy about asking for help in general areas of life. For example: rides to the airport, watching the children for an hour or painting a room. For myself, it is because I am afraid others will see me as needy and therefore will avoid me. So I avoid asking for even one thing.

I wish there was a common rule as to how often one could ask for large or small favors! A guideline similar to "overnight guests do not stay longer than three days" would be a wonderful relief. Do you have any recommendations as to how often one should ask for a favor?

GENTLE READER: Approximately as often as one does more or less comparable favors for the same people.

Miss Manners put those qualifiers in there to avoid quashing generosity toward those in need, even relatively trivial need. Friends, colleagues and neighbors ought to be prepared to do favors for one another without keeping an exact and immediate count of who does what for whom.

But for this to work, it must be basically reciprocal. Perhaps you do not drive, but you could shovel a neighbor's snow. The friend whose computer emergencies you keep solving should be glad to help paint your room. Whatever you can do for others will make you part of a network of mutually helpful people.

This is not to say that good people always expect to be paid in kind. Many will cheerfully comply with requests -- until they suddenly realize that the beneficiary just keeps asking but is never available when they need a favor.

At that point, even the most charitable souls begin to reflect that what they are giving is not favors but charity. And they may prefer to redirect their charity to those who cannot possibly pay for taxis, babysitters and painters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've just been informed that only one space is needed after a period, but having learned to type on a typewriter, this confused me. Apparently (note, I'm still putting in two spaces), computer fonts no longer require two spaces after a period, but if you (whoever that may be) are typing on a typewriter, you should continue to do so?

GENTLE READER: Ordinarily, Miss Manners handles only those problems that are truly about etiquette. This is less of a limitation than one may think, considering that she defines etiquette as all human social behavior.

She does have a hard time fitting the relationship between sentences into that definition. However, as someone who vaguely remembers the typewriter as an attempt to replace the quill, she is too much interested in your question to pass it on to Miss Print, if such a creature exists.

Her answer is that while it is true that a computer does not require double spaces between sentences, you should continue to use two spaces on the typewriter. Partly this has to do with tradition. But mostly it has to do with the fact that anyone still using a typewriter has been at it too long to be retrained.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: When at a restaurant, is it bad manners to "stack" (only dinner, saucer, bread) plates for the waitstaff to remove from the table?

GENTLE READER: Yes, and worse manners to ask to participate in the pooling of tips for having done some of the waiter's work.

Now, now. Miss Manners knows that you were only trying to help. But you would not be pleased if someone passing through your workplace started doing your job -- and probably doing it badly. A waiter who takes pride in his professionalism would never stack plates at the table, and could be in trouble if you made him appear to have done so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few weeks ago, my husband and I invited a couple who are neighbors to a small cocktail party, just the four of us. They were supposed to arrive at our house at 6 p.m.

At 5 p.m. that same evening they called to ask us to postpone this party until the following night. I replied no and I mentioned that I had already prepared the food. Some of it I could not freeze again.

The wife mentioned that the husband had an emergency and could not make it. I was stunned then, and I'm still stunned today. When I looked outside, his car was parked in his spot at 6:15 p.m. I don't know how to react to this. To me, she should have maybe showed up for a short time to show us that this reason was legitimate and he could have joined us later.

I spoke to her later and she appears like nothing happened and does not care that we lost hundreds of dollars worth of food and the time it took us to prepare the party. This has never happened to me in 50 years. I had people cancel the day before, the morning of but never one hour before. How would Miss Manners react?

GENTLE READER: With amazement that cocktail food for four people could cost hundreds of dollars. What were you serving -- buckets of caviar? In that case you should have invited Miss Manners, who would have done it justice, and who would never dream of canceling an invitation she had accepted.

Come to think of it, caviar would not have taken hours of preparation -- a little shredded onion, hard-boiled egg and a few toast points would have been all you needed. What -- never mind. Miss Manners apologizes for getting distracted by the food.

The answer is that while your neighbors were wrong to treat the occasion so lightly, you are treating it rather heavily. Stopping by for drinks with the neighbors does sound like a casual event that could easily be postponed, in contrast to an elaborate cocktail party, which is presumed to involve major preparation and a goodly number of guests. Had you invited them for dinner -- and surely they could not have been expected to need dinner after the food you made -- perhaps they might have taken the invitation more seriously.

But it is open to you to make your point by inquiring sympathetically about the emergency -- is he all right? Is there anything you can do to help?

Just please do not admit to spying on his car. This proves nothing, as he could have been taken away in an ambulance, but is the sign of a creepy neighbor.

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