DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I went out to dinner with a small group of friends, we were eating our main course as I was telling an amusing story. Just as I was about to reach the punch line, the waiter came up and interrupted me by asking if everything was "good."

This ruined the story.

While I realize that waitstaff have a job to do, it would seem that they could be more aware that the customers are there to enjoy each other's company, not to have their conversations interrupted by the restaurant staff. What suggestions do you have regarding this behavior?

GENTLE READER: Funny you should ask. This came up with a group of writers with whom Miss Manners used to have a monthly lunch. Without fail, the waitress did this.

She had perfect timing. Had she interrupted halfway through a story, the teller could have picked it up after the break. But it would be lame to go back after it was all but completed and recap just enough to launch the punch line. So mostly we would forget it.

Later, when the restaurant's owner complained about the quality of our conversations, we suspected sabotage. "I bragged to my friends that we had writers meeting here," he said. "So they asked me what kind of literary talk you have. And all I hear is talk about your agents and your royalties."

Actually, this story doesn't have a point (where's the waiter?), because we were fond of them and they of us, so we all tolerated one another.

But you, whose stories undoubtedly do have points, do not have to put up with this. The waiter has talked over you, which is rude (and all too common), and you should not cede the floor to him. If necessary, hold up a restraining hand to the waiter while you deliver your punch line.

Then you can explain to him brightly, "We were talking. To one another."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to politely handle a coworker who will be justifiably fired?

This person did nothing illegal; he was unable to perform the job, and after months of hearing defensive blame-shifting, the supervisors have had enough. The office is small but part of a large organization. There is a good chance that the person in question will be moved elsewhere in the organization, and I may still have to deal with him on a regular basis.

I've worked with him for only a brief time and regard him as a light nuisance. He fancies himself a key player on the team and proves his "in" status by assuming a joking familiarity with the group -- "lighthearted" insults that are not appropriate between casual acquaintances. I expect he will be surprised when the rest of us do not react in outrage to his dismissal or engage in whispered bad-mouthing of the bosses.

How can I convey condolences on his misfortune without taking his side? And how can I deflect future conversations in the cafeteria when he wants to publicly defame my department?

GENTLE READER: Any sort of condolences will lead to complaints, Miss Manners is obliged to warn you. Fired employees do not generally harbor kind thoughts about the companies and bosses who fired them.

But that is not to say that it is impossible to show kindness, even to the deservedly unemployed. Would it be stretching a point too far to say that you will miss him?

OK, how about that you will miss his doing whatever it was that he didn't botch?

Still coming up blank? Then go with wishing him luck in the future, and voicing the hope that he finds work that will take advantage of his talents. You needn't worry about specifying what those talents are. He will supply them.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently got married and, while I am happy that I got married, I find myself crying great big sobbing tears at the very mention of the wedding. I can't help feeling it was completely ruined by discourteous people.

The maid of honor dropped out five days before, and our photographer's car blew up (not an act of discourtesy, but it did add to the overall disaster). A wonderful friend found herself a seamstress who would do alterations overnight and a photographer.

My hair dresser didn't show up, and my niece (God love her for trying) made a mess of my hair. Our videographer moved an elective laser eye surgery up (not his doctor's decision) so that he would miss our wedding.

My brother cursed at me as we waited to go down the aisle because he didn't think the bride was supposed to go LAST, and then pulled me along so fast I nearly tripped. I tried tugging on his sleeve but it only made him walk faster.

The meal I wanted wasn't in our budget, so I ordered what we could afford for 60 people, and only 30 showed up. Some people who hadn't even been invited DID show up. They wore baseball caps during the ceremony.

The guests not only started eating while we were taking photos (which I found VERY offensive, as I was always taught that its not proper to serve yourself until the host and/or hostess has at least joined the room), but all took double portions and left the wedding party with very little.

I don't even feel like this was MY wedding. I feel like it was a wedding where I got married. I hate that I feel that way, but don't know how to change.

My mother had no interest in planning, paying or participating in my wedding. My mother-in-law really worked, helping, asking what I wanted rather than trying to take over the entire affair. She and my father-in-law paid to rent the hall. I appreciate all of that very much. But she wants pictures, and I very honestly do not want pictures to exist of this day. I have a few photos, and every time I look at one of them I cry. I can't manage to not cry.

Can you tell me how to choke that back and lie through my teeth? Because I cannot find a polite way to tell her that even though she worked really hard and I really am grateful, the wedding was crappy and it makes my heart sad to think about it.

GENTLE READER: Madam, please! You are hysterical. Get a grip on yourself.

You have a new husband, a wonderful and resourceful friend, and generous and tactful parents-in-law.

And yet you are carrying on, sobbing about your wedding? What does your poor husband think about your behavior?

Because weddings are complicated events involving many people and variables, things rarely go exactly as planned. Mature people take this in stride and recount it later, laughing rather than sobbing, which is a good thing because marriage requires maturity. Miss Manners can only hope, for the sake of your husband, that you are able to grow up quickly.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a large wedding with several hundred guests, followed by a reception at the church. Several friends had made cookies and there was coffee available.

Later, when viewing a social networking site, I saw mutual friends' pictures, taken later in the day during a second, elaborate reception at another location.

Rationally, I realize that budgets are limited. I tried not to, but I still felt slighted.

In these days of Facebook and Twitter, it is hard (impossible?) for people to be discreet. Not just limited to weddings, I have friends who have had events for some of their friends and later had their friends who weren't invited feel hurt, having seen photos and heard comments from those who were invited.

Is there anything that can be done to minimize hurt feelings in these situations?

GENTLE READER: It is easy to blame the Internet, but people have always talked, and sooner or later this division between first- and second-class guests would have been known. The way to avoid it is to avoid doing it.

Miss Manners does not consider budgeting an excuse. Whatever money was spent on the second reception could have been used for the first one.

Weddings are different from other parties, in that they are (one hopes) once-in-each-lifetime events, at which family and friends should be included.

While those who give and attend other events are not supposed to speak of them (let alone plaster them around the world) before those who did not, we should all realize that everyone cannot be invited to everything.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to stand in an elevator? It seems rude to put your back to people, but also rude to face people with your back to the wall as if you are staring at them. What is your opinion?

GENTLE READER: That facing strangers in an elevator gives them the creeps. And that if you were to wait in line facing the person behind you, rather than the counter, that person would be freaked out.

Miss Manners' point is that although not turning your back on people is a fine rule for occasions requiring human interaction, it does not apply to every situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband owns a professional practice. Since we are new in town, I frequently meet a lot of people who are unfamiliar with us. When I'm introduced, or if someone asks why we moved to this city, I tell them it was because we purchased the practice.

Very often, I hear "Oh! I go to Dr. So and So." It makes me uncomfortable and leaves me grasping for a response. Should I come up with a standard line or just change the subject?

GENTLE READER-- You surely did not think the town was full of people in need of medical (or dental or psychiatric, or whatever your husband practices) who were quietly suffering until your husband came to town.

So Miss Manners trusts that you had no intention of trolling for patients. Rather you should be placing your husband as a member of the professional community. This is done by saying, "Yes. Dr. So and So, we were delighted to meet him (or we're looking forward to meeting him)."

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