DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend from work had a "destination" wedding in Las Vegas. Because of the cost of traveling to another state, hotel stay and the fact that it was the week before Christmas, I declined on my RSVP well in advance.
Of course my friend was upset that I was unable to attend her out-of-state affair. However, I made the bride's veil, and she said she loved it. I received a note of thanks for the veil from my friend.
She stated in the thank you note that she "appreciated her true friends that made the commitment to come to the wedding and that we are still accepting monetary gifts for our honeymoon cruise later this summer."
Beyond the initial thank you, I feel that both statements were inappropriate. Her wedding veil was costly to create (both in time and monetarily), and since it was my gift to her, I do not feel inclined to give a cash gift for their honeymoon.
Isn't the honeymoon the responsibility of the bride and groom? We couldn't afford a honeymoon and my husband and I went camping in a state park for a week. We never dreamed of asking people to give us money for a honeymoon.
Am I wrong? Should I rethink giving her money for her cruise?
GENTLE READER: It depends. Don't you want to save up to buy them a house? And to furnish it? And to contribute to their future children's education?
Because that this is what you would be in for if you decided to pay bills for a pair of greedy ingrates.
Miss Manners cannot think of a more generous and charming present than the one you lovingly made. But evidently, the bride can.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our high school provides graduation announcements that students can purchase that include our class motto, alma mater, etc., and also contain a section for each student to insert a name card and/or portrait.
Some of these announcements will be sent to family and friends that I have not heard from or talked to in a very long time. Is it proper for me to handwrite a few personal words in the announcement, or would this cheapen the effect?
My father (whom I believe is of the same generation as Miss Manners) says I am mistaken and that if I want to say something else I need to enclose a separate note or send another letter altogether.
I see his point, but is a simple "Hope to see you soon" or "Best Wishes" really all that big of a faux-pas? Please steer me in the right direction!
GENTLE READER: Well, neither your father nor Miss Manners wants you scribbling on your wedding invitations some day.
But a personal card with your name on it has no such prohibitions. On the contrary; it is begging to be written upon. If your school's invitations did not anticipate inserting a card, Miss Manners would have suggested it.