DEAR MISS MANNERS: When conversing, I find a new trend -- more and more people making assertive statements about me or my family.

The statements are not unpleasant, but they are often false. I feel compelled to correct them, but this puts me in the uncomfortable position of contradicting them. When it becomes a series of assertions followed by my contradictions, the conversation loses all joy.

The statements are so inoffensive on their face that anger would be inappropriate: You live in Brambly. You work at the Post Office. You have relatives in Biggity. You like ratatouille. You speak Russian.

Should I just let those statements go by even if I actually live in Gumble, work at the library, have no relatives in Biggity, abhor eggplant, and don't even know the Russian word for cat?

Initially, I thought I was encountering a family or local habit, or people who watched too many sitcoms on TV. However, several friends have brought up the distressing habit -- which seems to affect mostly people younger than ourselves but is rapidly spreading -- and we have concluded that it is a trend.

I tried humor once, saying "Perhaps I should tell you about myself instead of you telling about myself," but was met with a blank stare. Obviously, she was not aware that she was making rapid statements about me, most inaccurate, and forcing me to correct her assumptions.

Is this the new form of "How do you do?" Help, I need the new form of "Fine, thank you."

GENTLE READER: Personally, Miss Manners would be tempted to say, "My Russian is not nearly as fluent as my Pig Latin," and "That was before Brambly was overrun by the Ottoman Empire." After all, it hardly matters what you say to people who are not listening. And the strange concept called multitasking may well have increased their number.

If your object is to set your friends straight (rather than simply to amuse yourself during a nonconversation, which was Miss Manners' idea), keep asking, "Really? Who told you that?" Eventually the pattern might summon a bit of attention.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With cold and flu season upon us, many well-meaning relatives and friends have offered me bottles of supplements or boxes of herbal teas (I am not well off financially, and I know these people have the kindest of intentions).

Alas, I just don't take any kind of herb or supplement. Because these things are pricey, I want to say, "How kind, but if you can use it, I would rather you keep it," but something tells me this is an etiquette no-no.

GENTLE READER: Refusing a present is indeed a put-down, if not a downright insult. At best, it says, "I know you mean to be thoughtful, but you didn't think enough."

Therefore, Miss Manners hopes you will be more careful when you pass on these items to someone or some organization that might be able to make good use of them. Do not characterize them as presents, but say that you cannot use them and inquire first if they would be of help.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A guest, who, like me, is a middle-aged bachelor (well, I am perhaps a tad beyond middle age, but never mind that) returned this summer -- essentially homeless after many years out of the country -- to undergo surgeries from which he is now recovering. He does not require in-home medical assistance, but is under doctor's orders to avoid his usual athletic activities for a while, and he cannot drive now.

Some of my female friends have been kind enough to assist him with transportation to and from hospital appointments, or to bring him meals they have cooked or invite him to dinner. Last week, one of them confided to me that she has developed romantic feelings for him. It is clear to me that one of the other women also feels this way.

In conversations with me, my guest has repeatedly brought up the subject of his numerous failed relationships with -- and less than entirely generous view of -- women. He told me he has therefore sworn off women, but some of his actions suggest otherwise.

Should I mention any of this to these two women? Under what circumstances, if any, beyond their asking directly what I know about his life or my thoughts about why they might or might not find him a good match? So far they have only asked me how the two of us are getting along in my small apartment, to which I just reply, OK.

I'd be very happy for either of them to find Mr. JustRight-or-Mr. CloseEnough. At the same time, I don't want to contribute by silence to any scenes of heartbreak.

I've discussed some pretty personal matters with these two women. They both helped me while I was hospitalized and then briefly homebound after a stroke. But they do not know one another and apparently do not know that they have any specific competition for my guest's attention. (I've never had a romantic connection with either of these two women, nor am I hoping for that.)

If one woman asks me directly, I will tell her what I know. I suspect I will then feel a duty to tell the other woman, too. Does etiquette offer any guide, whether to speak out in this latter situation?

GENTLE READER: There are instances, Miss Manners can imagine, in which etiquette-verging-on-ethics would leave you torn between discretion about repeating a confidence and supplying vital information to those in danger.

If you knew that your houseguest was an ax-murderer who got off on a technicality, you would have to inform your enamored friends. If you knew he had a communicable disease, you should feel obligated to warn them.

This is not such a case. There is no secret to reveal. Swearing off romance means exactly nothing, as you already know from your friend's actions. People routinely swear off romance until they meet someone of romantic interest.

But it can serve as a challenge to others. If you mention to a lady that this gentleman has been unlucky in love and has therefore sworn off romance, she will conclude that the poor fellow's problem is not having yet considered romance with her.

(Why this is, Miss Manners cannot say. But she knows that the sure way to discourage romance is to announce that the person is actively looking for it.)

You might as well stand back and watch what happens, secure in the knowledge that it will happen regardless.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I have attended several weddings of heterosexuals in Wisconsin, which, ironically, passed the first statewide Gay Rights Bill in the 1980s and now bans so-called gay marriages. My partner doesn't like the fact that I now boycott straight marriages instead of attending them. His mother thinks it's selfish.

I have said that until I see straight folks actively support our right to marry, I'm certainly not going to add my support (and gifts, etc.) to their marriages.

It's not about spite -- it's about fairness, equality and wanting the same opportunity, and too many of them don't get it. Until they do and start contacting their government officials, nothing will change.

Why shouldn't I boycott straight marriages?

GENTLE READER: Because you are insulting people who presumably care about you (or they wouldn't be inviting you to their weddings) by declaring that you grudge them the same sort of happiness that you want for yourself. And because snubbing people is not the way to get them out working for the cause.

If you take both seriously -- the friendship and the cause -- Miss Manners recommends being a gracious guest, and then adding, when you praise the wedding on a later occasion, "My dream is to be able some day to invite you to my wedding here."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to an open-ended "Please let us know when you are free" dinner invitation?

The requester is a younger chap, who I have helped/advised in our large agency, but I was startled to receive an e-mail inviting my wife and me to dinner "anytime next month."

May I properly fudge the truth and say " next month is hopelessly busy" (which is true), "and I will get back to you later when we might see some daylight," which is not? I know it's another example of folks mixing business and pleasure, but I certainly don't want to be incorrect in reply.

GENTLE READER: Not everyone approves of fudge. The strict and literal minded would consider it a lie to say one was busy when one was not; indeed, a passive lie not to volunteer that one never expected to be reduced to accepting such an invitation.

But Miss Manners loves fudge. Not elaborate, made-up stories, mind you. Those are unnecessary, and it is bound to be discovered that you are not really trying out for the Olympics and/or having your knee replaced on the day you claimed.

But such vague statements as you propose, along with your thanks for the thought, put the virtue of sparing others' feelings above the virtue of blabbing everything you think.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a text message from an ex-girlfriend who volunteered me to cook for a benefit for one of her friends whom I do not even know.

We talk on a very limited basis and we are dating other people. When I received the text message, I was very surprised and did not know how to respond. At the very least a phone call would have been appropriate. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Chiefly that it is easy to see why this relationship is defunct. The only obligation Miss Manners considers that you have here is to inform those in charge of the benefit that the lady was not authorized to speak for you.

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