DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a professional artist. I show my work frequently and sell many pieces. However, like many independent artists, I don't make as much money as others in regular, full-time employment. I am very lucky to have a supportive spouse helping to cover the household expenses.

When I tell people I am a full-time artist, they often ask if I make enough money to support myself. I usually answer truthfully, saying no, or not yet, and adding that my spouse helps support me.

However, I fear that answering this way leads people to look upon me as a dilettante or a housewife with a hobby, which I am not -- I am a serious professional building a career. I am aware that how much money I earn is nobody's business and I am not obliged to answer these questions at all. I would much appreciate any suggestions for deflecting them -- politely, of course.

GENTLE READER: "Yes, it's a sure road to easy riches. You should try it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young teenage daughter is pregnant. She is feeling very ashamed. I wanted to have a baby shower for her, hoping to lift her spirits a little. She said that would be nice, however, she doesn't want to be frowned upon for the mistake she made and the responsibility she is now trying to take care of. A lot of her so-called friends have abandoned her, and it appears that I am one of her only "friends." So the invitation list would include family and my friends.

Is it bad manners or etiquette to have a baby shower for a teenager, and is it "OK" for the mother (soon to be grandmother) to give this shower? I don't want her in 10 years to look back and say I really should have had a baby shower.

GENTLE READER: If you daughter is brooding about not having a baby shower when she is the mother of a 10-year-old, both of them will be in emotional trouble. But that is not to say that she doesn't need as much warm emotional support you and the family can give her now.

Showers are never properly given by relatives, but that is not why Miss Manners begs you not to call it that. Gathering your friends would only call poignant attention to the absence of your daughter's own friends. Also, can you be sure that they will be able to restrain themselves from offering her retroactive advice?

What would be charming, instead, would be to gather the closest family members, the ones who are unequivocally standing by her, or at least willing to do so now that they do not have a choice, to give her a layette for the baby as a welcome into the family.

And yes, of course Miss Manners realizes that it sounds like a shower. The difference is that it emphasizes the support she has rather than the support that is missing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What time is considered polite for adult children to be calling parents for casual conversation?

GENTLE READER: After dinner and before bedtime.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy the close friendship of another couple with whom we frequently socialize. Our social interactions range from expensive restaurant dinners to simple, little-or-no-cost coffee-and-cake get-togethers at each others' homes or family park outings with our children. Traditionally, each couple pays their own way at events that cost money. Whoever initiates the event generally has given the other a brief heads-up, such as "Do you want to take our kids to this concert? It costs $10 for adults, $5 for children," or "Should we try XYZ Restaurant? It's a little on the pricey side but supposed to be very good."

The primary purpose of our get-togethers is usually the enjoyment of each others' company, with the event or meal a fun secondary consideration. Sometimes, we all socialize with other couples, and at these get-togethers, the primary purpose may or may not be the event instead of the company.

Recently, the husband of this other couple lost his job. Since then, my husband and I have proposed only get-togethers of the variety that cost little or no money, making no mention of money at all. However, I fear the time will soon come when other couples may suggest pricier get-togethers where the pricey event will be the primary purpose.

In such a situation, is it kinder to invite our friends with the job loss, or refrain from inviting them? If we do invite them, is it kinder to give them a brief heads-up regarding the cost of the event, as we traditionally have done, or to make no mention of money at all?

GENTLE READER: The unemployed have the time and the frame of mind to brood. And Miss Manners assures you that the first time they hear of being left out of an excursion by the crowd that used to invite them, they will think they have been callously dropped.

You are tactful to suggest get-togethers that are free or cheap, although you ought also to continue your custom of mentioning any cost. Now, more than ever, they need to know. With other invitations, you should trust them to decide for themselves, rather than making it obvious that their reduced circumstances have altered the way you think of them, however kindly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently receive forwarded e-mails from family and friends that are verifiably fictitious. The e-mails implore the reader to "send this to everyone you know" or that "ABC company will donate 32 cents for every forwarded e-mail toward the care of Jane Doe who is 10 years old and needs an operation."

Would it be rude to reply to the sender and inform them that these charitable requests are just a hoax or let them continue to clutter up everyone's e-mail boxes?

GENTLE READER: Not to mention being fleeced themselves. Can Miss Manners trust you to do this without mentioning or implying that they are suckers? "I've heard that this is a scam -- you might check it out," is more tactful.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the use of online chatting and social networks like Facebook, some people feel comfortable sharing their current state of mind on away messages or status messages. For instance, a friend of mine had the following message up: "The misery just doesn't end. Yet another bad week." Another friend had this message up: "Good to know I've found the person I might be ready to settle down with."

When I asked the first friend why she was having a bad week, she said that "things" have been happening lately. I tried to get a little more information from her, but realized she wasn't really providing me with any, so I backed off and just told her I hope things would get better.

She later mentioned in the online conversation that I was not a good "conversationalist." Am I supposed to beg people for information from now on?

As for my friend who thought announcing a soon-to-be fiancee was an appropriate thing to do on Facebook, I tried asking him about his status as well. His response was that he would prefer to keep things on the "down low" for now and that his status message was not an invitation for people to pry into his business.

Am I going crazy here, or are people really sending mixed signals? It seems to me that some people purposely try to get you to ask them questions, but when you do, they brush you off or act like YOU are the one prying into their business, even when they opened the door in the first place. Why is it so hard to be a good friend these days? Help!

GENTLE READER: Your friends are turning into virtual friends. That is, they want to advertise their every move and feeling to a presumably rapt and admiring audience but do not want to participate in the give and take of actual friendship.

The model for this, as Miss Manners is not the first to observe, is the celebrity. They "do" publicity through trusted chroniclers -- in this case themselves -- but are huffy about their "privacy" when they manage to attract someone's interest, which must be seldom enough.

So to continue your admirable concern for friends, Miss Manners is afraid you must note whether their confidences are being made to you as a friend or the wide world of virtual so-called friends who are not expected to show interest. Or you could make new friends with people who value real friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a minor, pleasant piece of business to conclude at the home of a friend and neighbor, and while my hosts were out of the room for a moment, their dog urinated on the carpet in front of me. I said nothing. Should I have alerted them or assumed that they would discover it on their own?

GENTLE READER: And realize who did it?

Miss Manners admires your restraint in not tattling on the culprit, even at serious risk to your own reputation.

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