DEAR MISS MANNERS: A long-term boyfriend and I loved taking pictures together and putting them up online on our Facebook profiles for everyone to see. However, we have been broken up for almost a year now and I have been dating another guy for a while.

I have not taken down the pictures of us (there are hundreds of them) because I consider them a part of my history. People have to search pretty far back in my photos to find them. I am also afraid that it would offend him, as we are attempting to remain friends. However, it leads to some awkwardness when friends of my current boyfriend ask me about "that other guy" in some of my old pictures.

This is a fairly new problem for me, technology-wise, and I'm not sure how to approach it. Is it more appropriate for me to take the pictures down or leave them up?

GENTLE READER: When the world is clamoring to know your history, would-be biographers will be begging for your cooperation. Online postings should contain only what you might freely show new acquaintances without embarrassing others or (as an astonishing number of people need to be told) themselves.

If there is nothing in the pictures that would undermine your claim that this is an old friend of yours, a few should not have provoked curiosity -- which leads Miss Manners to believe that there are tons of them, not all pristinely discreet.

The way around offending this now-possible-friend is to tell him that you don't want to damage his chances with others by making them think that he is still attached to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter has had a few play dates and sleepovers at our house, and I am trying to teach her that when she goes to other people's houses for a play date, she should help her friend clean up before it is time to go home. She has asked her play date friends to help her clean up after playing with toys so she doesn't get stuck cleaning her toy room by herself after her friends leave.

My husband has heard her asking for help and he has instructed her that she should not do this because her friends are guests and guests are not expected to clean up. I disagree with this and wanted to find out what was the correct response

GENTLE READER: Do you not see that you and your husband are basing your arguments on different situations?

Miss Manners is afraid that it is not enough to teach your daughter how to behave as a guest and allow her to improvise host manners on the assumption that they are the same. In fact, they are opposite, although they form a synergy.

A good guest offers to help but does not insist if the offer is firmly refused. A good host never requests help and offers mild resistance if it is wanted, but firm resistance if it is not.

One reason that Miss Manners does not allow amateurs to set their own etiquette rules is that they fail to take into account the point of view of other people affected, in addition to their own.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A small group of girls and myself were having a discussion. Somehow, the discussion got off track and deteriorated into a comparing of bust sizes. As I thought that rather vulgar, I refrained from joining the discussion. That is, until one girl said, "Well, we've all shared," obviously expecting a reply! Other than being flabbergasted, how should I have responded?

GENTLE READER: "You sure have. So I suppose it's all right if I tell other people? Or only anyone who asks?"

Miss Manners assures you that the conversation will then explode into indignant and (because your friends know who in the class might ask such a thing) frightened protests about privacy. They will thus have stated your argument without troubling you to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law is planning a 20th wedding anniversary party for my husband and me, with her side of the family as the guests. Normally, we enjoy getting together with his family, but I am worried about this event.

My husband and I were married as teenagers and in a hurry because I was pregnant with our daughter. We made our invitations by phone, agreeing we would each invite whomever of our family and friends we wished to have in attendance.

I invited many family members and friends. My husband invited a few friends and his immediate family. He is not terribly social, and I thought this was his choice until after the wedding, when he confided in me that his mother had asked him not to invite the extended family.

My worry is that since this is an anniversary party, my husband's family will no doubt recall they were not at the wedding and wonder why. If the subject comes up, I have no desire whatsoever to embarrass my mother-in-law by giving the real reason they were not invited, but I also do not want any of the relatives to feel that they were not wanted at our wedding. (I am very fond of them, and, if I had known them then, I would have invited them myself.) I hope the subject does not arise, but if it does, what can I say that will spare everyone's feelings?

Also, is it appropriate in this case to make a suggestion for an addition to the guest list? Both my parents are deceased, but I would very much like to invite my stepmother to this event. Is it acceptable to suggest this to my mother-in-law?

GENTLE READER: A lot has happened in those 20 years. The younger relatives won't understand why you felt you had to get married in a hurry just because you were pregnant. And the older relatives might not remember whether they went to your wedding, or whether that was Cousin Bucky's wedding they were thinking of.

People rarely bother, these days, to count the months backward from a birth to a wedding, although that was once a major sport. And presumably, your mother-in-law no longer feels the need to protect her relatives from any shock, except that of finding that a hasty young marriage stood the test of time.

Miss Manners doesn't think any of your worries will be much of a problem. Sentimental talk at anniversaries focuses more on the years of marriage than on the wedding day, and you can dismiss any inquiries with, "Remember, we were a couple of kids. We threw it together rather haphazardly. Not like today, when people spend years agonizing over every detail." That always turns the conversation to excesses at recently attended weddings.

Just warn your stepmother, who should be included, not to go around cheerfully asking people to tell her about the wedding.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I raise guide dogs and I love it. We talk to the public and educate many on the kind of work the dogs do.

While I love talking to people about our precious puppies, I do not know how to respond when someone comes up in a high-pitched voice and says -- no, squeals -- "Oh my god, what a cute puppy. How old are you? What's your name!?"

While I realize the sight of a dog is quite rare, I mean, so few people ever get to see one, how should I respond?

I usually just say, "Oh, this is Fido and he is 10 months old," but I would really like to let them know that they are quite possibly the most irritating people on the face of the planet. Should I say something sarcastic like, "Oh, sorry I haven't taught him to speak English yet"? Any help would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER: Some crucial advice:

Do not have a baby. Do not ever even be seen with anyone else's baby. People talk baby talk to babies. No doubt this is because they have never seen one before.

Or possibly it is just that many people go all soft when they see a creature who is young and cute. Miss Manners considers that nature's way of protecting life before it is toilet-trained.

So please do not snarl at your puppies' admirers. In addition to being rude, it sets them a bad example.

If you get tired of answering for them, she will allow you to say (if you can keep the sarcasm out of your voice), "Fido! The lady asked you a question!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A man I had just met took me to a very nice restaurant in one of the finer hotels in town. In the middle of the meal, he (very loudly) blew his nose into the restaurant's lovely cloth napkin and then replaced it on his lap. Ten or fifteen minutes later, he did it again. I could scarcely maintain the small talk in which we were engaged. A couple of minutes after that, he actually started picking his nose at the dinner table while speaking to me.

Obviously, I am never going to accept another invitation from this "gentleman."

My question goes to the form of the refusal. Normally, if I had not enjoyed a first date enough to repeat it, I would decline politely, citing some vague prior commitment that left me unavailable.

Somehow, that seems like more consideration than this man deserves. I assume that you would not sanction a response of, "I can't go because I was too nauseated to eat for two days after our last outing."

Is there any way politely to refuse any further interaction while indicating to him that the fault lies in himself, and not in his stars? It might benefit him to consider his conduct.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners lost her appetite just reading about this, an invitation to dinner, even one that the host makes it impossible for you to eat, does not include license to point out his faults.

Nor would it do any good. The parting shot is not a form for conveying constructive criticism. Had you been able to say that you were on the verge of succumbing to his charm, stopped only by a difference in ideas about hygienic table behavior, and regret that this stands in the way of further acquaintance, it might be different.

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