DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a recent two-and-a-half-hour flight, I had the "pleasure" of sitting next to a couple who insisted on kissing and smooching the entire flight. Believe me, it took all of my willpower not to shout at them to "take it to a hotel room!" Obviously, being on a full flight meant I could not remove myself from the situation but could do nothing more than simply endure the behavior. I also did not want to cause a ruckus by confronting the offending couple while the flight was in the air. Would it have been too rude of me to have given the couple a scolding remark after the plane landed and there was no longer any worry about causing a problem on a flight in progress? I really wanted to say something but decided it was not proper etiquette and just quickly scurried away, happy to be back home.

GENTLE READER: Once there was no longer a possibility of their annoying you, what would have been the point of saying something?

Oh, wait. Miss Manners understands. You wanted to embarrass them, as they had embarrassed you.

She will not allow you to say something critical, which would be rude. However, saying pleasantly, "Congratulations on your marriage" would have accomplished your purpose if the subject of marriage had not arisen in this courtship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A member of one of my ladies' clubs has a son who was ?recently charged with a rather unforgivable crime. ?Although this woman is not someone I would refer to as ?a close friend, we have enjoyed each other's company ?at club events and have worked together on various ?charity functions. Perhaps understandably, however, ?she has stopped attending these events since her son's ?arrest.

Naturally, the actions of her son in no way detract ?from my feelings for this woman. I would like her to ?know that she has my support and that I would be happy ?to help her in any way I can should she so desire, but ?I am unsure how to communicate this. Would a card ?suffice, saying that I am thinking of her and her ?family without mentioning the actual crime of her son? ?Should I call? Or, not being a very close friend, ?should I remain silent as if I knew nothing of this ?event?

GENTLE READER: It saddens Miss Manners to think how many kind impulses are stifled because of the sort of qualms you express: Are they inadequate to a tragic situation? Would they be intrusive?

Not if you express neither more nor less than your relevant sentiment, which is that you have missed this lady at various activities and hope to see her again. It is not a matter of ignoring the crime but of having nothing encouraging to contribute in that matter, as you neither know the son, nor have any idea whether or not he is guilty. The lady will be grateful simply to know that she is not being shunned because of her troubles.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two and a half years ago, I broke off an engagement because my fiance was lying to ?my face and going behind my back with a former girlfriend. As to what he was ?doing with her, I do not know, since there were no witnesses.

He knew and ?agreed that it was inappropriate for him to do what he did, and that he ?would not want me to do likewise. It was painfully clear to me that I could ?not trust him and that I should not marry him.

I did not offer the ring back, due to the circumstances. I felt that his ?actions had broken our engagement, and I deserved to keep the ring. Was this ?wrong?

Now, two and a half years later, he asks me about the ring. He says that he doesn't ?necessarily want it back, but that he might buy it from me. I ?assume that he is ready to propose to his current girlfriend. It seems as if ?he has forgotten that I have any feelings at all.

What do you think about this? I have sold the ring. He wishes to know how much money I received. He has ?not asked me to give him the money, but does he deserve to receive it?

Also, I was the second recipient of this ring -- he had proposed to his ?previous fiancee with the very same. If he could have, he would have proposed ?to a third woman with the same ring. Is that done?

GENTLE READER: You should make up your mind whether you believe that an engagement ring is a talisman, forever sacred to the engagement it symbolized, or a form of bail to be forfeited by the one who got away.

Miss Manners prefers the former definition. You, evidently, do not, as you accepted a ring that had symbolized a previous engagement. When you ask the question of whether this multiple use of a ring "is done" (and evidently it is), you must ask yourself whether there is a difference between offering it and accepting it.

You also failed to do the decent thing when your engagement ended -- to fling it back at him in distaste. Flinging back the money is not as satisfactory, particularly at this late date, but since you no longer have the ring, it would be the only proper way left to show your contempt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would one respond to a high school senior ball date when asked, "Since we're just going as friends, do you still want me to buy a corsage?"

To my knowledge, a corsage is not a romantic gift, but a formal accessory. Just the same, if one would like a corsage, how can one respond to such a question when it is so obvious that the date would rather not buy a corsage. In return, one does not have to buy a boutonniere for the date.

Is the date being disrespectful for not buying a corsage?

GENTLE READER: Never mind the respect issue, an accusation of which would soon take the friendship out of this arrangement. If it will embarrass you to go corsage-less, Miss Manners suggests saying, "Well, it's customary."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were fortunate enough to spend a holiday at a lovely restaurant in Paris, where the tables are rather closer than they are stateside. The restaurant was full, except for the table next to ours, which was soon occupied by a young American couple who began to talk at top volume.

We were talking quietly when the man suddenly turned and said loudly, "You're American! Where are you from?" I quietly answered "Chicago." He crowed, "We're from L.A.!" I nodded and smiled, not wishing to converse further.

The couple proceeded to discuss the state of their finances, the state of their emotions, the state of their relationship, I don't know what all, at top volume. It made quiet conversation between my husband and me virtually impossible, so we ate our dinner in silence.

I was tempted to say something like, "I'm terribly sorry, but I can't help but overhear some rather intimate details about you, which are none of my business. You may want to discuss them more quietly." Instead, I said nothing.

Should we have said something to them? If so, what? I wish to be polite, but some situations really test ?you.

GENTLE READER: Here is Miss Manners' test:

Would you have considered admonishing these people if they were speaking French?

Perhaps not, Miss Manners is guessing, although it is within reason for patrons to complain to management -- not to one another -- if they are assaulted with conversation-killing noise. Depending on your proficiency in French, you might not have understood what was being said, or you could have found this glimpse into foreigners' lives interesting. Or you may have been afraid that your protest of mere boisterousness would be perceived as rude and insulting.

The latter should also apply to those American diners. While it is your concern that you have a pleasant meal, which is why Miss Manners would not dispute a polite request to be reseated, it is not your responsibility to police your fellow citizens abroad.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am employed as a secretary in a hospital, where my department has three divisions and each division has a secretary. I received the following e-mail from the Director of the Department:

"Subject: Administrative Assistants Week

Hey gals,

What would you guys most appreciate?"

My response indicated that I would be appreciative of any gift she deemed appropriate. Was I wrong to be unresponsive to a direct request to name my own gift? The whole thing left me feeling awkward.

GENTLE READER: Although your semantic problem is not as great as that of your director, who suffers from gender confusion, you do have one.

When you speak of a "gift," it is in the social sense, where it would indeed be unfitting to name your own. (And yes, Miss Manners applies this condemnation to the use of so-called gift registries.)

But this is a business situation, where you are supposedly being rewarded for your work. Can you really not think of any business concession you would like to have? A raise? Some extra time off? That supplementary help you've been promised? That was the time to name it.

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