DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have hosted our family's Thanksgiving dinner for more than 30 years, and when it comes to sharing the leftovers, there is always an abundance of vegetables, breads and desserts, but never enough turkey.
I could never bring myself to say no, so I have come up with a simple solution that leaves everyone happy, including my husband: I cook two turkeys. One to share and one to serve.
The sharing turkey is cooked through the night, then completely carved the next morning. I place it all in a roasting pan with drippings in a warming oven while we eat. Each person comes with their own dish or plastic bag and helps themselves. It works beautifully for us and it might work for others with the same problem.
GENTLE READER: Far be it from Miss Manners to dispute a family arrangement that is, you say, working beautifully. But while she appreciates your desire to be useful beyond your family, she frankly hopes that there is not a wide need for such a solution.
On a day dedicated to feeling gratitude for one's blessings, has it become customary to squabble over the leftovers? Are people who have the honor and pleasure of attending a ceremonial feast entitled to feel aggrieved if they are not given a take-out meal as well?
If this is what things have come to, we might as well give up the misleading name of Thanksgiving and declare a national Gimme Day.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wearing a sleeveless (though not strapless) wedding dress for my evening wedding. I am dying to wear opera gloves, but I hesitate because I do not know what do to during the exchange of rings. I recently read that the proper procedure is to unbutton the three buttons of the mousquetaire and neatly roll or fold back the hand of the glove, which may then be tucked into the wrist.
Is this correct? If so, can you please give some pointers on how this folding is done? I have searched in vain for a photo or drawing. Also, should the hand of the right glove also be rolled back to match? Should the hand or hands remain exposed in this manner during the remainder of the ceremony and reception, to show off my newly be-ringed hand? If both hands are exposed, am I still required to remove the entire glove while eating?
I have found a beautiful pair of vintage ivory kid leather gloves. If you will instruct me in the proper etiquette, I promise to wear them.
GENTLE READER: And you must promise to take them off when you eat. The fold-back compromise, which consists of turning the empty and therefore flat fingers of the glove back under the wrist part, is not incorrect. But the fastidious (among whom Miss Manners counts not only herself but anyone who throws around French glove terms) do not care for it. It makes for lumpy wrists.
The preferred traditional method for brides was to slit the palm-side seam under the ring finger so that the finger can wriggle out at the appropriate time and receive its ring. The glove is secured before and after by the cap on the fingertip. You may wear your gloves when receiving guests at the reception and when dancing, and even use the fold-back method for holding a drink.
But lumpy wrists are not the only reasons for removing them entirely when you eat. There will be your own desire, even more than others', to stare at the ring, not to mention the cost of cleaning food stains from kid gloves.