DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was at the swimming pool the other day, a lady came to me and asked lots of questions and then said, "I am a Realtor and if you want to sell your house, I can do it."

I was so offended! I said something but not good enough and it has left me boiling inside. Every time someone gets a Realtors license they come to me and say, "If you want to sell your house...."

It feels to me like they take a knife and stab me in my stomach right there. How should I tell them nicely "You are crazy. Why would I sell my house to a rude stranger; who has the guts to be so blunt as to ask me to give my house in your hands; and how dare you imply that my house is not good enough to live in it anymore; and imply that I was stupid to buy the house I live in right now?"

GENTLE READER: Hold on a minute, please. Miss Manners must have gotten water in the ears when she was in the pool, because she missed that stream of insults directed at your house.

How odd that you have encountered a real estate agent -- and apparently more than one -- who declares your house unlivable and yet yearns to sell it; who tells you that you were stupid to buy it and yet is confident that others would do so.

Even so, would this be comparable to being stabbed with a knife? Or could it be that you are inflating an annoyance into a crime in the hope that the punishment will increase proportionally?

The annoyance is to have someone approach you in a recreational setting with a commercial overture. The appropriate punishment is merely to cut off the discussion by saying coldly, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested," and henceforth to avoid this person both personally and professionally.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My future sister-in-law is pregnant with her first. Every time she is around, all she seems to be able to talk about is her baby. There isn't a time that goes by without her saying something like, "The music is too loud for the baby. Don't say that in front of the baby. I can't eat that because of the baby."

She also comes up with strange rules that almost seem as though she is making them up. She says she can't bowl, sit in a jacuzzi, or be around cats because of the baby. Forgive me for not knowing if these are true, I don't have children of my own.

I have begun to excuse myself when she is in the room for fear that I will lose my mind. I understand her excitement and need for precautions, but she has recently begun to call me out on leaving the room. I'm running out of excuses! How can I politely tell her that I'd like to talk about things other than the baby?

GENTLE READER: Such as what? Your wedding plans?

Miss Manners is afraid that it is one of the duties of relatives to bear with those who are overexcited at certain stages of their lives that do not, you will be relieved to hear, last forever. You are therefore free to jump in, at the first pause, and say, "What do you think of cerise for the bridesmaids' sashes?" but not to allow your future sister-in-law to know that you find her a bore.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please describe the proper way to eat escargot that is served in the shell. I was supplied with a seafood fork and specialized tongs, but I was unsure how the tongs were to be used.

GENTLE READER: Mmmmm. Garlic butter. Mmmmm.

Wait. Miss Manners is not supposed to get emotionally involved with the food. Her job is to get it into your mouth without incident. So of course that is the source and the extent of her interest in your garlic butter, which smells so good.

In contrast, the snail is wallowing in it, probably way down on the innermost curve of the shell. He is counting on your spilling melted butter all over yourself and ending the pursuit to repair the damage to your clothes.

You have the equipment to outwit him. Take the tongs in your left hand (left-handers reverse directions), using them to grab a shell, but being extremely careful to keep the shell vertical. You must hold it steady while you take up the fork with your right hand and dig into the recesses of the shell, slowing bringing its occupant out of its safety zone. You can then tilt the shell very slightly to drizzle butter over your catch before plopping it into your mouth.

Miss Manners apologizes if this sounds ruthless. Our excuse is that we only do it for the garlic butter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know there is a rule about not answering your cell phone when you are having a conversation with a friend. Is there a similar rule for instant messaging?

I was chatting with my boyfriend tonight when I realized he was taking too long in replying. Then he told me he was also having a conversation with his ex, whose birthday was today and who had just showed up online.

I felt it was rude of him to have a conversation in which I was not allowed to participate, so I excused myself and left so they could chat in peace.

We discussed the whole thing later. He insisted I was being immature about it, because I was demanding his undivided attention to me. He thinks I should have been more generous about it, instead of being jealous. Who is right?

GENTLE READER: Lucky for your beau that it happened to be your predecessor with whom he was text-messaging. Otherwise, he would not have been able to distract you with the charge of jealousy.

Miss Manners is particularly impressed with the way he twisted the meaning of "his undivided attention." It came out sounding as if you expected him to concentrate on you to the exclusion of all other people. Quite a different matter from whether he should listen when you are in the act of talking to him.

The rule that you recognize was not made exclusively for cellular telephones, which are, as you may or may not realize, of comparatively recent origin. It refers back to the fact that it always has been -- and always will be -- rude to snub people who are addressing you.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing today because, once again, a workman has arrived early at my home for work that was scheduled 20 minutes later than his arrival.

Mind you, this was for a morning appointment and he and his supervisor would be here most of the morning correcting a problem with drapes they had previously installed. I had to stop what I was involved in (my work), was not quite prepared (dressed) for their arrival and had to endure them in my home for the repair.

I did not receive a ready apology for the early ring at the door when I expressed to him "all my clocks must be slow," only a "yea, I am early."

I appreciate that the installer wanted to get started on the repair job as soon as he was able. However, the supervisor for the job had not yet arrived and needed to evaluate the problem with the drapes before it was handled by the installer, and did not. My expectation is that the installer should wait for the supervisor to arrive, who, incidentally, arrived at the specified time.

Should I equate "punctuality" with an early arrival? I always equated "punctuality" with "on time," if not "on the dot" then not more than two to five minutes early and two to three minutes late. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Wait a minute -- you had a workman show up for work at your house on the very day and within the hour that he was supposed to come? What's his name?

Miss Manners wasn't planning to have any work done on her house, but she hates to miss this opportunity.

Oops. She got overexcited, didn't she? It's just that certain professions -- plumbers, doctors, lawyers and the people who come to fix a household appliance and tell you that it would be cheaper to buy a new one than to have them do work on top of the whopping fee they charge just for visiting it -- have accustomed us to the idea that they can keep us waiting. They lay claim to having emergencies, which we are not allowed.

But even aside from being grateful not to be subjected to the rudeness of being kept waiting, Miss Manners cannot find an early arrival as culpable as it would be in a guest. This is because if you have a serious reason for not allowing the person to come in -- and not being dressed qualifies -- you can say something that you cannot say to a guest: "I'm not quite ready -- would you mind waiting in your truck?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is getting married next summer. Her father and I divorced 10 years ago and have very little contact. He married his mistress. They have invited her parents to the wedding. As the mother of the bride and hostess of this event, how do I greet these people?

Nice to meet you. No. Thanks for coming. No. I am not happy to meet them nor will I be happy they came. My daughter does not have a relationship with these people.

GENTLE READER: Oddly enough, "Nice to meet you" is never the correct remark to make for a first encounter. It is true that the French always declare themselves enchanted, but we consider this judgment premature. "How do you do?" is the correct greeting, and Miss Manners promises you that to say it, you do not need to care how they do.

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