DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been separated for two years. We have three adult children and three young grandchildren. He is much closer to many members of my family than his own family and therefore we are in social situations often. We have a friendly relationship.

He started dating about six months ago and although I already knew this, he only informed me one week before his big 60th birthday party. He gave me a courtesy call. It took him two hours to finally stop by me to introduce her.

I have since been told that it was my place to initiate the introductions. I fail to see the logic in that. Whose responsibility was it?

GENTLE READER: Just when Miss Manners believes that the annals of etiquette contain rulings on everything and she can retreat to the porch swing, a new issue comes along. Whoops, we forgot to rule on the issue of precedence in instances of friendly husbands introducing their wives and mistresses.

Indeed, the wife does have seniority. But if you have managed to maintain friendly relations under such volatile circumstances, Miss Manners would not advise risking them on this point.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I enjoy fruit after lunch and dinner. I'm afraid, however, that we don't know how to eat fruit with a knife and fork, but would like to learn. Would Miss Manners be so kind as to give a lesson? We promise not to show off our newly learned skills on future guests who haven't yet learned (or torture them, or make them feel inferior).

GENTLE READER: That's all right -- you can commit proper table manners in front of your guests. Just don't peer at them to check whether they are doing it right. That might be hard to avoid if they have apples or bananas protruding from their mouths, but remember that they may be employing equally correct, if less formal, manners.

The basic way of eating fruit with the small, narrow but sharp fruit knife and fork is to stab with the fork, cut the fruit into halves or quarters with the knife, and then convey pieces to the mouth with the fork. Miss Manners is speaking here of apples, pears, peaches and even bananas, but would not advise trying this with anything small or squishy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Recently, before church, a lady asked for my address, as she was planning a social event. Instead of recording my address in her address book, she hands me an envelope (which I wrote my address on, in shock), an envelope which I received in the mail this morning. This lady is prone to planning events in which guests are commanded (sometimes in detail) to bring their own food, drink, utensils, chairs, and entertainment. Why she supposes that she is the person doing the hosting, I cannot say. But at any rate, must we "guests" be expected to address our own invitations as well?

GENTLE READER: And your own expression of regret at not being able to attend, Miss Manners would think.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'd like to know what type of note I should include in my thank yous that I am sending out for my wedding. The problem is that I'm sending them out almost two years after our wedding day.

Financial setbacks are the main reason why we couldn't purchase the pictures that we were including in our thank-you notes. Now that we're able to buy them, I still want to send them. Should I include a note to explain the delay or should I just send them as is?

GENTLE READER: Two years is long enough for you to have recovered from the it's-all-about-us attitude that unfortunately overtakes so many bridal couples. Miss Manners would like you to consider this situation from the point of view of your generous wedding guests.

They would like to know that you received what they sent you, and that they succeeded in pleasing you. They would have like to know this immediately, which is when letters of thanks are due. And the matter of being ignored still rankles with them.

In contrast -- Miss Manners hates to break this to you -- they are not breathlessly awaiting your wedding pictures.

This was a dreadful excuse, and she does not recommend using it in your letters. (An even worse excuse would be that you have been busy. You may be sure that your benefactors did not go out and shop for you because time was hanging heavily on their hands. To be told that your busyness was so much more important that you could not find time, in two years, to thank them, will enrage them.)

Your only hope is to take the blame and throw yourself on their mercy, groveling as much as you decently can:

"I have been criminally remiss in thanking you for your great generosity, and can only hope that you will be kind enough to forgive me ..." along with an account of how much you have been enjoying using the particular present all this time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If one is dining at a restaurant with several friends, is it inappropriate to say, "Please excuse me, I need to use the restroom"?

My friend who is a teacher says it is and reprimanded me in front of our friends. If it is inappropriate, how does one excuse themselves from the dining table?

GENTLE READER: You are half way there. Whoops, Miss Manners doesn't mean that she is following you to the rest room -- only that half of your sentence -- "Please excuse me" -- was correct.

That is more than she can say for someone who delivers public reprimands.

"Please excuse me" is all one needs to say to leave the table. Your destination is not considered appetizing, and anyway, people can figure it out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered bad manners for a young boy to wear a ball cap inside a ?casual ?restaurant? These days I see lots of grown men doing ?precisely that.

GENTLE READER: Yes on both your points -- yes, it's rude, and yes, lots of grown men are doing that.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I incorrect in thinking it rude when complete strangers make it their business to approach (and sometimes touch) me to tell me I look like a particular actor?

I simply do not understand why someone would think that I am interested in being told his or her very own personal opinion of my superficial attributes. I am not a celebrity; I am a private citizen and a very private person who was once quite shy and I do not appreciate the attention. I take pride in my own identity and I am making absolutely no effort to emulate this person or their considerable accomplishments.

While I realize that there are worse things to be compared to than a talented thespian, I was raised not to arbitrarily approach complete strangers and give them unsolicited feedback about their looks. It gets a little annoying after the nine hundred millionth nine hundred thousandth nine hundred and ninety ninth time.

I'm an upbeat person; in fact, when it is a teenage youth or an elderly person, I can smile, wave and forget about it. I do have a sense of humor and will even play along if it is a young child by saying something the actor is famous for and adding, "Obey your mom and dad and make sure you go to school and eat your vegetables."

But adults in their 30s and 40s should know that this is intrusive and disrespectful. Not everyone wants to be noticed. It is especially uncomfortable when I am enjoying the company of a lady, some of whom get offended by it.

I have been somewhat tempted to tell these folks that they look like famous people that I consider less than stunning, or ignore them altogether, but I have been nice so far, not wanting to appear disrespectful or arrogant because I guess the actor is considered attractive.

I sincerely hope that people will learn the difference between a pointless observation and a compliment. Am I supposed to say, "Oh, what a compliment, thank you ever so much -- I just LOVE being told every day that I look like a famous person"?

GENTLE READER: The reply that springs to Miss Manners' mind is, "Isn't he the one who went to jail for punching out a fan?"

But unlike most people, she does not believe in saying everything that springs to mind. The habit of giving people personal appraisals of their looks is rampant. Other Gentle Readers report that they are forever being told that they are tall, short, fat, thin or "foreign looking."

Miss Manners suggests replying in a fashion that, although not impolite, will puzzle these people enough to derail their thoughts while you make a getaway. Some possibilities are:

"Sorry, but you seem to have mixed me up with someone else."

"I'm afraid I'm not acquainted with the gentleman."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to think that he is embarrassed by being taken for me."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that the correct way to eat soup is to spoon it away from one, but, since it is easier to spoon it toward oneself, can you tell me the origin of this custom and its reason?

GENTLE READER: In 1103, a wise old abbess noticed that when she spooned her gruel toward herself, it splashed on her wimple. Henceforth ...

No, we don't know its origin. Miss Manners would think it enough justification that it makes sense, which table manners are not strictly required to do.

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