DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'd like to know what type of note I should include in my thank yous that I am sending out for my wedding. The problem is that I'm sending them out almost two years after our wedding day.

Financial setbacks are the main reason why we couldn't purchase the pictures that we were including in our thank-you notes. Now that we're able to buy them, I still want to send them. Should I include a note to explain the delay or should I just send them as is?

GENTLE READER: Two years is long enough for you to have recovered from the it's-all-about-us attitude that unfortunately overtakes so many bridal couples. Miss Manners would like you to consider this situation from the point of view of your generous wedding guests.

They would like to know that you received what they sent you, and that they succeeded in pleasing you. They would have like to know this immediately, which is when letters of thanks are due. And the matter of being ignored still rankles with them.

In contrast -- Miss Manners hates to break this to you -- they are not breathlessly awaiting your wedding pictures.

This was a dreadful excuse, and she does not recommend using it in your letters. (An even worse excuse would be that you have been busy. You may be sure that your benefactors did not go out and shop for you because time was hanging heavily on their hands. To be told that your busyness was so much more important that you could not find time, in two years, to thank them, will enrage them.)

Your only hope is to take the blame and throw yourself on their mercy, groveling as much as you decently can:

"I have been criminally remiss in thanking you for your great generosity, and can only hope that you will be kind enough to forgive me ..." along with an account of how much you have been enjoying using the particular present all this time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If one is dining at a restaurant with several friends, is it inappropriate to say, "Please excuse me, I need to use the restroom"?

My friend who is a teacher says it is and reprimanded me in front of our friends. If it is inappropriate, how does one excuse themselves from the dining table?

GENTLE READER: You are half way there. Whoops, Miss Manners doesn't mean that she is following you to the rest room -- only that half of your sentence -- "Please excuse me" -- was correct.

That is more than she can say for someone who delivers public reprimands.

"Please excuse me" is all one needs to say to leave the table. Your destination is not considered appetizing, and anyway, people can figure it out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered bad manners for a young boy to wear a ball cap inside a ?casual ?restaurant? These days I see lots of grown men doing ?precisely that.

GENTLE READER: Yes on both your points -- yes, it's rude, and yes, lots of grown men are doing that.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I incorrect in thinking it rude when complete strangers make it their business to approach (and sometimes touch) me to tell me I look like a particular actor?

I simply do not understand why someone would think that I am interested in being told his or her very own personal opinion of my superficial attributes. I am not a celebrity; I am a private citizen and a very private person who was once quite shy and I do not appreciate the attention. I take pride in my own identity and I am making absolutely no effort to emulate this person or their considerable accomplishments.

While I realize that there are worse things to be compared to than a talented thespian, I was raised not to arbitrarily approach complete strangers and give them unsolicited feedback about their looks. It gets a little annoying after the nine hundred millionth nine hundred thousandth nine hundred and ninety ninth time.

I'm an upbeat person; in fact, when it is a teenage youth or an elderly person, I can smile, wave and forget about it. I do have a sense of humor and will even play along if it is a young child by saying something the actor is famous for and adding, "Obey your mom and dad and make sure you go to school and eat your vegetables."

But adults in their 30s and 40s should know that this is intrusive and disrespectful. Not everyone wants to be noticed. It is especially uncomfortable when I am enjoying the company of a lady, some of whom get offended by it.

I have been somewhat tempted to tell these folks that they look like famous people that I consider less than stunning, or ignore them altogether, but I have been nice so far, not wanting to appear disrespectful or arrogant because I guess the actor is considered attractive.

I sincerely hope that people will learn the difference between a pointless observation and a compliment. Am I supposed to say, "Oh, what a compliment, thank you ever so much -- I just LOVE being told every day that I look like a famous person"?

GENTLE READER: The reply that springs to Miss Manners' mind is, "Isn't he the one who went to jail for punching out a fan?"

But unlike most people, she does not believe in saying everything that springs to mind. The habit of giving people personal appraisals of their looks is rampant. Other Gentle Readers report that they are forever being told that they are tall, short, fat, thin or "foreign looking."

Miss Manners suggests replying in a fashion that, although not impolite, will puzzle these people enough to derail their thoughts while you make a getaway. Some possibilities are:

"Sorry, but you seem to have mixed me up with someone else."

"I'm afraid I'm not acquainted with the gentleman."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to think that he is embarrassed by being taken for me."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that the correct way to eat soup is to spoon it away from one, but, since it is easier to spoon it toward oneself, can you tell me the origin of this custom and its reason?

GENTLE READER: In 1103, a wise old abbess noticed that when she spooned her gruel toward herself, it splashed on her wimple. Henceforth ...

No, we don't know its origin. Miss Manners would think it enough justification that it makes sense, which table manners are not strictly required to do.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems the latest styles for women's tops and blouses is to have cleavage bulging out. My husband was very uncomfortable with his grown daughter and her nightie during a recent outing.

As soon as she was out the door, he made a comment to me that he was uncomfortable, trying to keep his eyes above board.

Now, with another holiday approaching, the ex-wife will join in with her cleavage-busting attire. Any comments? I find it amusing.

GENTLE READER: Good. Because second wives should never comment on the taste of first wives. It forfeits their chances to appear ladylike when the first wives badmouth them.

But children, even grown-up children, are different. Your husband need not have waited until his daughter was out the door -- not in her nightie, Miss Manners trusts -- to say something. Such as, "Honey, please put on a robe -- you're embarrassing me."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my daughter got married eight years ago, my brother, his wife and five children came cross-country to be at the wedding. My daughter had wanted an evening, formal reception with no children invited.

I thought it rude, however, that after the sacrifice of time and much money to be at her wedding, she would not consider having my nieces and nephews there. So, my daughter conceded to my wishes and allowed the five children to attend the reception.

This May, one of those children is getting married. My daughter, her husband and three children were planning to attend the wedding. Then we found out that no children are invited to the reception -- because if all the children of the guests were invited, it would be chaos and expensive.

These are the same reasons my daughter didn't want children at her wedding. She had to explain to wedding guests why there were five children at the reception when all other children were not allowed to attend.

My daughter feels the bride should do the same for her.

She feels that her three children should be allowed to attend the reception simply to reciprocate the good will my daughter showed her family.

After all, how many other guests will be traveling 3,000 miles and purchasing five airline tickets, and a week's hotel stay to attend the wedding? Babysitting will also be a problem since my daughter's policy is not to leave her children with people they don't know. And my son-in-law is not happy about spending this kind of money to sit in a hotel room with his children during the reception!

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners understands this, your daughter had specific reasons for not wanting children at her wedding reception, and was embarrassed afterwards because some were allowed and others not. So she discounts her cousin's having the same reasons, and feels that she should risk the same embarrassment. (Miss Manners, in turn, discounts your argument that no other children would be eligible, unless you heard this from the hosts.)

Now, there are arguments to be made both for and against the presence of children at weddings. Miss Manners happens to believe that reasonably well-behaved ones add to the occasion, but she has heard that there is such a thing as a badly behaved child.

However, she does not care for that argument that the bride's childhood appearance created a debt that must now be paid. If your daughter is going to plead for an exception, she would be better advised to gush to the bride about how delightful it was to have children at her wedding and reminisce about how beautiful and well mannered her little cousin was.

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