DEAR MISS MANNERS: In restaurants, when we order iced tea or water, the beverage glass often comes with a lemon slice stuck on the top of the glass. I always remove the lemon slice and put it in my drink. My husband often leaves the lemon slice on top of the glass while he drinks from the glass. I think this is gauche. What is your opinion?

GENTLE READER: That your husband often has a wet nose. But also that it is probably fragrant.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am of the opinion that if one family member wishes to have a conversation with another who is not in sight, it is permissible to call his/her name to locate them in the house. Once the call-ee answers, I say that it is then the call-er's responsibility to go to where the call-ee is located, since shouting back and forth isn't polite to others in the house. But this often ends up happening with me. I have politely mentioned to several family members (those who initiate shout-outs) that I would prefer they locate me so we can talk at a more civil volume, but this has earned me many eye rolls or even led to being called "anal," one of my least-favorite words, especially when used incorrectly and applied to me.

I'm not trying to be haughty, but I think that expecting someone to stop an activity and come to you when you are the call-er isn't a polite way to begin a conversation -- it's more of a summons.

When I wish to locate a family member, I have no difficulty going to them, and frankly don't understand why other members of my family do not share this view. I have thought about simply refusing to answer the initial locator shout, but that may be too blunt a way to make my point.

Is there a polite way to resolve this, or am I getting bent out of shape over a trifle?

GENTLE READER: Doesn't Miss Manners hear your mother calling you? Shouldn't you run and see what she wants?

Yes, you really should. If it is your child calling, he should go to you. This is a matter in which rank counts. The elder generation gets to call the younger generation

Your system is right if it is your sibling or your spouse or your roommate who is calling you. But it isn't working, and Miss Manners doesn't want you to get bent out of shape. She advises you to enlist their help in getting an intercom system.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have just started high school, and have made many new friends, and some of those friends' parents are divorced. I have met some of those parents, and am utterly confused as to what is the correct way to ask how they should be addressed. I am unsure whether to ask the friend how to address them, or the parent, and I hate to be rude. Would you please help me solve my problem of what to do?

GENTLE READER: The worst part is that neither will give you a straight answer. If you ask a friend what his parent is called, he will probably say, "I don't know -- Mom;" and if you ask a grown-up directly, you will likely be told, "Oh, call me Chris."

Miss Manners recommends asking the friend, "What is your mother's last name?" and adding the neutral "Ms." to that unless directed otherwise by the lady herself.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am getting married in October. My fiance and I are wanting to adopt a child from Guatemala; however, the cost is preventing us from doing so.

We currently have a house and are living together. We really have no need or want for wedding presents like a toaster and china.

Many of the adoption agencies that we have contacted have given us information about setting up our own foundation in order to have friends and family donate money toward the cost of the adoption.

How do I let people know that I do not want wedding presents and instead would like money donated toward the adoption?

GENTLE READER: If only it were a question of how touching and worthy the cause, you would have a sympathetic case. Miss Manners would certainly put you ahead of all those couples who want their guests to give them money for the wedding itself, for the honeymoon, to pay off their credit cards or to take out a mortgage.

But how is she going to make everyone understand that their guests are not their creditors? And that decent people do not instruct their friends to pay their bills?

Yes, yes, she has heard the argument that you are only saving them all from buying toasters. (And, by the way, why is it always toasters that people cite? If there is one item that is easily returnable after the thank you letter is written, and whose absence will not be noticed by the donor, it is a toaster.)

Wedding presents are voluntary tokens of affection from people who should care enough about you to put some thought into the selection. They are not intended to be a source of income for the bridal couple to count into their budget and allot as they wish.

Children are worth sacrificing for. As you have a fully equipped house, Miss Manners gathers you are not destitute, so perhaps you could find a way to pay for the adoption by sacrificing -- for example, by having a modest wedding and honeymoon. But she urges you not to sacrifice your dignity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an apartment building which has a security door and intercom system on the main floor. When a date comes to pick me up, should he come all the way up to my unit or should he remain in the vestibule until I come down? Or should I buzz him into the lobby and say that I will be right down? Does the answer vary depending upon how many dates I've had with him?

GENTLE READER: Hold on. The question of how many dates it should be before a gentleman goes to your apartment surely has to do with the other end of the date. And Miss Manners prefers not to be involved in that.

It is not improper for a gentleman to pick you up in the lobby of your apartment building after he is able to notify you that he has arrived. But if you want to offer him a drink first -- no, never mind, Miss Manners isn't going to get into that.

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