DEAR MISS MANNERS: Am I wrong for being irritated with the people who have a full cart of groceries in the "10 items or less" aisle when I am behind them with cheese and eggs?

I find it interesting how some people really do think that certain rules or setups do not apply to them! The same type of people that deem it OK to take up so much time in the "express" lane would be extremely irritated in my shoes as well.

I just do not understand how people do not take some rules seriously. I will admit, I have brought 11 things to the express lane, but I have never gotten in line with more than 10 while people with less were behind me. I just think that small instances like that, where people are being inconsiderate of those around them, make this world a little bit more frustrating for those who abide by such rules.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners had a lot more sympathy for you before you ran up to the express lane with your 11 items, deciding it would be all right because you failed to notice the three people headed for that register with the proper number of purchases.

That's the tricky thing about rules. While we can all think of emergency situations in which they should be broken, it is quite another thing to ignore them on the assumption that the rationale for them no longer applies. It is the difference between running into the street during a red light to save a fallen child from being run over and driving through a red light because you don't see cars coming from the other direction.

The shoppers to whom you object will probably argue that they were in a particular hurry, that they weren't much over the limit, and so on. But these cases -- and yours -- are not ones in which you are expected to exercise your own judgment in, as it always turns out, your own interest. That is what is meant by taking rules seriously.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Recently reading of events and customs common during the 1920s and '30s, I came across a couple of terms that puzzled me.

The first mentions dinner clothes and evening clothes in the same sentence. I thought all attire worn after 6 p.m. was considered evening clothes. What, if any, is the difference?

Second, I read about a piece of ladies' jewelry called a love altar. I assume this is some sort of necklace, but I would like to know more about its probable design, look, etc. As the name would suggest, this was a gift from a gentleman admirer.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, there is a difference between dinner clothes and evening clothes. Among those who "dressed," as we used to say, evening dress meant white tie and tails for the gentlemen and revealing dresses for the ladies, while dinner clothes were black tie (still referred to as the dinner jacket) for gentlemen and long, narrow dresses with sleeves (still referred to as dinner dresses) for the ladies.

As respectable ladies did not accept jewelry from their gentlemen admirers, Miss Manners knows nothing of what you call a love altar. She would be grateful if no one would explain to her what that is.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I are both formerly divorced and each lives alone. We are both in our mid-50s. My fiancee's parents feel slighted because I did not ask their permission to marry their daughter.

Since my intended is both divorced and a grandmother, I did not consider it an obligation to ask her parents for her hand in marriage. Did I commit a faux pas?

GENTLE READER: Did you ever. You brought to these people's attention the harsh fact that their little girl is no longer subject to their rules and protection. Miss Manners advises apologizing for your oversight and presenting yourself as a suitor for the lady's hand. You might also want to check with her grandchildren, since this is apparently a touchy family.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my high school reunion, I am planning to make nametags for the attendees that includes a photograph scanned from our yearbook. I'm hoping that this will ease the embarrassment and hurt feelings of not remembering or being remembered by someone who sat behind you in homeroom for four years.

Does Miss Manners approve, or is this too cruel for anyone who is hoping that everyone will forget what they looked like in high school?

Also, what should I do about classmates who have changed their names? Normally maiden names wouldn't belong on a nametag, but would a high school reunion be a special case? Would it be proper to say "Beth Baker Jones," even if Beth thinks of herself as Beth Marie Jones? Or should it be "Beth Baker (Jones)," "Beth (Baker) Jones," or perhaps "Beth Jones, nee Baker?" Should I give up and just have everyone write their own name on their badge? Or maybe I should dispense with nametags altogether, and shame on the person who doesn't go through their yearbook to refresh their memory beforehand!

For my husband's college reunion, we worked out a code. If someone obviously remembered my husband, but he couldn't remember their name, he'd say, "Have you met my wife?" That was my cue to cheerfully shove out my hand for a shake and say, "Hi, I'm Kate!" That forced them to give me their name without waiting for George to make the introduction. After hearing the name, George could usually follow with some sort of pleasantry about how "Anne was in my sophomore bio class."

I reasoned that it was better to appear a little unrefined than to hurt feelings, and no one seemed to realize that George had forgotten their name.

However, does Miss Manners have a more gracious solution? And what about when it's me who has momentarily blanked on an old friend's name?

GENTLE READER: Cast your mind back to high school for a minute. Did you ever have to take a test for which you were unprepared, in a subject in which you were not particularly good?

If you are past your fifth reunion, that subject, for the entire class, is people's names. Well, not for the kid who parlayed his ability to recall the entire class' parents' names and interests into a political career, but for everyone else.

So all the help you can give people in the way of nametags, pictures and introductions will be appreciated. (Full high school name with any current name change below -- people can only read so fast.) Miss Manners' impression is that looking better than one's high school picture is not what embarrasses people; it's looking worse.

Most importantly, go around introducing yourself to everyone else so that they can fake having remembered you all along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is marrying, and his father and I are divorced. I now have a female life partner (for 10 years); he (son's father) has not remarried. What are the rules about where we are seated at the wedding and the reception/dinner?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners' new rule is that parents and their attachments should be seated wherever they may be expected to have a reasonably pleasant and civilized dinner. Whether that is near or far in your particular case, you know better than she.

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