DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in a particularly picturesque (and heavily touristed) part of the world. From time to time we invite friends or family members and they often stay for more than a week at a time.

Is it rude to clean (say, to scrub the guest bathroom or to do laundry using the washing machine in our kitchen) while guests are in our home?

If we don't take care of these things, they (and we) will run out of clean towels and sheets or we will find ourselves walking on crumb-filled or sticky floors (or worse). Spot-cleaning will not suffice in many cases and we could not afford to pay someone to clean for us while we entertain elsewhere.

If our guests do not take us up on suggestions which will take them out of our house for a while (taking a walk with one of us while the other cleans, or going to a concert or for coffee elsewhere), is it permissible for us to roll up our sleeves and take care of household business (i.e. clean up after them) while they look on?

GENTLE READER: That's all they do while you're down on your hands and knees scrubbing up after them -- look on? Don't any of them ever say, "You missed a spot over there"?

Miss Manners commends you for attempting to send them out of the house. This is the tactful thing to do, as it makes clear that you are not conscripting them into domestic service. In the same spirit, the first feeble, "Oh, can't we stay and help?" should be considered merely formal and answered with the assurance that it will be easier for you to do your chores if they are out amusing themselves.

After that, those who choose not to go should have the decency to ask more seriously to help. If they insist, you may mention some light task or tell them cheerfully but firmly that you have your routines so well organized that the biggest help would be for them to find a quiet corner out of the way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a high school student and am on some sports teams for my school. I have a letter for being on a varsity team and I also have a lot of medals. When people come up to me and say, "Wow, you have a lot of medals," I say thanks and leave it at that. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I enjoy the compliments. Is there anything else that I could say that would get my thanks out better?

GENTLE READER: The comment that you quote is an awkward compliment at best, as it is merely a neutral observation; Miss Manners would have preferred something more in the way of admiration. However, you are right to take it as such, and there is nothing arrogant about an expression of thanks.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends and I are entering the time of life when we will (hopefully) propose marriage to certain eligible young ladies.

If a young lady's reaction to a marriage proposal is unexpectedly along the lines of, "I'm not sure, I need to think about this," what should the marriage proposer do?

Withdraw the proposal in the belief that in this particular situation, the absence of an affirmative answer is the same as a negative answer? Wait for a solid answer? We have had "Seinfeld"-esque discussions about this; what does etiquette say?

GENTLE READER: Traditionally, saying one would think it over is the only correct positive response. A lady would not like to indicate that she had been ready with the answer before the gentleman was ready with the question.

Miss Manners is aware that this has been forgotten now that courtships are characterized by testy discussions about willingness to commit oneself. Nevertheless, it would be rude to announce one wanted to spend the rest of one's life with a lady but that the offer is about to expire.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance has friends that just show up at his house on the weekends without calling. He doesn't necessarily like it, but he doesn't stop it, either.

I stay at his house on the weekends and I will be moving in later this year. I think that it is very rude for his friends to stop over and not even call first.

On the weekends I like to lounge around in my pajamas and do things around his house. I enjoy my privacy, especially since I deal with lots of people at work during the week. I do not appreciate his friends stopping over and not calling to see if it is even a convenient time.

I told him that when I move in, I will not stand for his friends to just come over anytime they want. I think out of respect for me, and whether or not the house is even appropriate for company, they should call at least an hour in advance to give me time to get dressed and make the house presentable.

He says that he can't control his friends from doing it. I say that he can.

Am I asking too much? Am I wrong to think it is rude for people to just drop in?

GENTLE READER: You are asking too much, in that you expect him to accept your indignation, rather than the willingness to compromise by which married people accommodate each other, as sufficient reason to change his living habits.

Your assumption, which you are asking Miss Manners to endorse, is that dropping in is wrong in itself. And so it is -- except when the host welcomes it, which is what your fiance has been doing.

Your plea to him should be to do this for your sake -- not because you "won't stand for it" -- as Miss Manners hopes you make adjustments for his sake. It would help if you offered to tell them by saying, "We both love to see you, but now we need to know in advance when you would like to visit."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did not receive thank-you notes for gifts I mailed to friends for numerous occasions, including surprise birthday parties we were unable to attend, baby gifts and housewarming gifts. However, I did see my friends sometime afterwards and my gift was never brought up.

Should I have asked them if they received my gift, or just assumed that they did and not embarrass them? I know there are busy people in this world, but I believe if we take the time to purchase, mail and think of another, it is nice to acknowledge by note, phone call or in person.

GENTLE READER: By all means, ask them. If the packages did not arrive, Miss Manners presumes you will want to know. And if they did, you will also want to know so you can cross them off your shopping list.

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