DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should one respond when one is being interviewed for a job (where, if this is relevant, one has already decided that under NO circumstances would one accept a job offer), and the interviewer is insufferably rude? Specifically: barking a question and not listening to the answer while continuing to read the resume (obviously for the first time), interrupting in the middle of one's answer to bark another question, clearly having no aim other than finding something with which to ruin one's chances?

May one call attention to the interviewer's rudeness and politely offer to terminate the interview then and there, e.g., "It's clear that you have no interest in me coming to work here and I can assure you the feeling is reciprocated, so why don't we both just get out of here"?

Would one ever be justified in stronger actions, such as saying, "You have the manners of a baboon and I wouldn't work here if the only alternative was debtors' prison"? My field is software development, which has a (well deserved) reputation for attracting persons of low social skills and poor manners, and indeed one suspects that this person might not even be terribly offended by the last remark.

In the actual event, I did neither; rather, the instant I got home, I e-mailed the company's HR person and politely told her that this was not a good fit for me and I was withdrawing my name from consideration.

GENTLE READER: It will come as no surprise to you that Miss Manners does not consider the baboon remark a good idea. Allow her to tell you why.

Telling off anyone who writes evaluation reports for a business is like scorning a loser who has a crush on you in fifth grade. You think you'll never care until that person shows up at reunion, now the most desirable person you ever saw -- but with a long memory.

You say that under no circumstances would you take that job. But you were there to apply for it, so the business is presumably in your field. Businesses change, and there may come a time when you do want to work there, perhaps at a better job. Your interviewer may even have left by then, but whatever he or she has noted about you will still be in the files.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When eating with a cloth napkin I know one is to put it on one's lap. But what does one do with a paper napkin? I have been told it is not proper to put a paper napkin on one's lap. Where, then?

GENTLE READER: In the trash?

No, wait. You were not given a proper napkin, and Miss Manners realizes that you need something besides your sleeve on which to wipe your mouth.

Your informants are mistaken. There are no special rules for the use of paper napkins. They labor under the delusion that they are real napkins and would be puzzled to be treated as if they were not.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon saying to a bereaved person, "I'm very sorry," I have, a couple of times over the years, received the response, "Why be sorry? It's not your fault."

Once I said, "Well, I'm sorry anyway," and walked away thoroughly embarrassed. On the other occasion, in my confusion, I'm afraid I simply snapped my mouth shut, stared wide-eyed a moment, and walked away without a word.

How should one respond to "Why be sorry? It's not your fault"?

GENTLE READER: Rattling people by pretending not to understand conventional expressions that are in common usage is a habit Miss Manners loathes. But we allow some leeway to the bereaved, so let us pretend that these people honestly didn't realize that "I'm sorry" can express sympathy as well as remorse.

So you should tell them somberly: "No, I mean I'm sorry for you. I'm offering you my sympathy." Let us hope they will be gracious enough to be contrite and thank you for your concern.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Have you ever been asked what the proper response is when someone wishes to reject an invitation for a date?

It would seem to me that a polite decline would be the most appropriate response, but in my experience many young women don't do this because it feels socially awkward.

On a number of occasions, I have asked a woman out and had her accept, but when I call her later to follow up, she doesn't answer my call and never responds to my voicemail. I have also heard some female friends say that they have given out their phone numbers to men who have asked them out, even though they have no intention of going on a date with the gentleman in question, because it is less awkward for them to dodge a man's phone calls after the fact than it is to politely decline an invitation face to face.

While I can understand wanting to avoid the awkwardness of having to decline an invitation for a date, I think this kind of response is rude and somewhat immature. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you have been spared the company of people who prefer to put others in the hideously awkward position of being shunned rather than to learn basic social skills themselves.

Ladies do not have to give out their telephone numbers to whoever asks, and they certainly do not have to accept dates unless they want to keep them. They need only murmur, "I'm terribly busy these days" and "I'm afraid I'm hard to reach." Miss Manners assures them that while there may be a momentary flash of disappointment, the gentlemen will undoubtedly recover enough to lead happy social lives with others.

The humiliation of making a date only to be stood up and avoided is much more hurtful -- not because of the loss of the lady's company, necessarily, but because it is a callous and insulting gesture.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my baby was first born, I signed her thank-you notes with my husband's and my names. My husband says I should sign her first birthday present thank-yous with her name.

I feel kind of stupid doing this, and writing things like "I look adorable in my new dress" instead of "She looks adorable in her new dress." Also, do I address the cards to her baby friends or to their parents?

GENTLE READER: Forging your child's thank-you letters is a bad habit to form. Miss Manners doesn't want her to expect you to keep it up when she has turned 40. Or 5, for that matter.

Until she can write, she gets a free ride, which is to say that you should write and sign the letters to the donors, who are presumably not her 1-year-old peers but their parents. The intermediate step is to elicit comments from her that you can quote in your letter and crayon marks that you can explain express her delight.

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