DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a wheelchair user, I am at a loss on how to respond to a certain fellow employee whose attention I am finding embarrassing. I have crossed paths with him more than a dozen times (in the elevator, cafeteria, etc.), always in the company of other workers, and he nearly every time makes a loud, joking remark like, "No speeding now!" or "Don't run over me!"

I have encountered this with others over the years, but not so persistently nor where I was in a position to feel professionally somewhat vulnerable. I am a fairly new employee and he is much senior to me, both in age and position.

I have tried several things to try to influence him to stop doing this, including introducing myself to him personally since he did not appear to know my name or what department I work in; responding with silence and a chilly smile; and making a neutral reply like, "I sure am glad it stopped raining, aren't you?" These have not changed his actions.

My husband suggested writing him a nice note about it, but I worry this might increase the discomfort or make him defensive/angry rather than make things better.

GENTLE READER: Quite aside from the matter of rank, Miss Manners agrees that a "Your remark makes me feel uncomfortable" letter would be discomfiting, not to mention vaguely pathetic. But surely one poor attempt at a joke deserves another.

Next time you get the remark about running him over, you might say with a smile, "You know, I never thought of running anyone over, but now that you've mentioned this so many times, I can't get it out of my head. So let me apologize in advance in case I get carried away with the idea."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I rent a home and was keeping my locked bicycle in an out-of-the-way spot outside. This did not deter the thieves who managed to make off with it. I really have no secure place outside where I can put my replacement bicycle, but there is an area inside the house, just off the foyer, where I think it would be fairly unobtrusive. Will I be committing some breach of protocol or etiquette if I have my bike "on display" provided (of course) that I keep it neat and clean?

GENTLE READER: Do you promise Miss Manners that you are not inveigling her into taking sides against someone else who lives in the house and has been tripping over the bicycle?

If all who are resident agree -- and if you live alone, we can safely say that they do -- Miss Manners has no objection. A stationary bicycle should not be in areas used by guests because exercise equipment evokes private functions, but an outdoor bicycle is more public. Besides, stranger and less attractive metal sculptures have been known to decorate foyers.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Hi! I wonder if you could advise me as to when parents of adult children who are dating should meet? His want to meet us, and our daughter is confused because he hasn't said he loves her yet (they have been dating for over a year).

GENTLE READER: There is meeting and Meeting, and Miss Manners is afraid that you have confused the two.

When a couple have become affianced, or what now passes for such, a portentous Meeting is in order so that each family can size up the other after it is too late to avoid acquiring them as relatives. An informal meeting before that time, as if it were simply a continuation of getting to know the parents of your child's playmates, seems like a good idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At an apartment-warming party I attended, a couple arrived about one-half hour into the party. Within seconds, the family dog began making love to the female guest's leg. Her date grabbed her because she was struggling to stand.

The hostess said, "Down! Down!" The host said, "No, 'Big Boy!' No!" and tried to pull "Big Boy" off, without success. A nearby guest then leaned forward and gave the dog's tail a single tug. The dog let out a yelp, dropped to his feet and began inspecting his rear.

The yelp brought the party to a halt. In the silence that followed, the hostess said, "Did you jerk my dog's tail?" The tail-tugger turned red and looked ashamed, but said nothing. The moment passed and the party resumed.

"Big Boy" walked away. The tail-tugger did, too, in the opposite direction. The young woman guest later became pregnant, but not because of "Big Boy." I don't think anyone handled this well. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you had far too good a time at this party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it possible to be so proper that you can become improper? My grandmother, who is a "proper" lady, writes her thank-you notes and sets her table settings exactly the way they should be, but it has all become excessive lately.

She called to thank me for my birthday party, which she paid for; writes thank-you notes for our (and others') thank-you notes; and repeatedly calls during our dinnertime even though I have asked her to call earlier or later because of dinner.

I am very happy to have had a proper grandmother because I now have good manners, and can compose proper thank-yous and conduct myself well in public. I think manners are lacking in most people my age (25) and am often complimented on mine, which delights Grandma to no end. I ask because I am not sure if I simply never noticed her manners or if this is a quirk of becoming older.

GENTLE READER: It is said that old people sometimes become exaggerated versions of their younger selves. If this is the case, Miss Manners considers you among the luckiest of those whose patience is required to deal with them. Ask around among your friends whose elderly relatives were characterized by less charming traits, and you will soon come to appreciate the burden of too many thanks (as well as to realize that you can put the answering machine on during dinner and return the call later).

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you kindly answer how one properly eats a baked apple? Is it cut with fork and knife or with spoon?

GENTLE READER: A properly baked apple is so ready to surrender that Miss Manners would consider attacking it with a knife to be cruel use of excessive force.

The standard implements for dessert, a fork and spoon, are exactly what you need, as the side of the fork easily cuts the weakened skin of the apple and the spoon deals with the squishy part. At least these implements are supposed to be standard. Miss Manners will overlook the substitution of a salad fork for a dessert fork, provided you do not try to pass off a teaspoon as a dessert spoon. Where that habit came from she cannot imagine, but a dessert spoon must be larger, and the only passable substitution would be an oval soup spoon.

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