DEAR MISS MANNERS: A lovely friend of mine has a rather annoying (to me) habit, and I would appreciate some guidance on how to address it. Whenever I put several words together that happen to be a song title, or words in a song, she'll start singing.

For example, I might say something like: "I heard the weather's going to be stormy tonight," and she'll immediately start singing, "Stormy weather. There's no sun up in the sky, stormy weather." If I try to return to the conversation, she'll smile sweetly and continue singing, "Since my man and I ain't together..."

I'll try again to return to the conversation, but she'll keep smiling and singing, "Keeps raining all the ti-ime," until she forgets what comes next (but she'll go into another verse when she knows the words).

I find all this somewhat dismissive and more than a little unsettling, and I'm not sure how to respond. We could be sitting in a restaurant, standing in line outside a theater or shopping in a store. It doesn't make a difference. Apparently, all the world's a stage -- literally. Maybe she imagines herself the lead actress in life's musical.

I myself am a professionally trained singer, so I suppose I could join her in harmony, but somehow that doesn't seem appropriate in a public setting. I suppose I should be grateful that she doesn't start tap dancing, too. What do you suggest my response should be when my friend breaks into song? And am I being rude when I attempt to return to the conversation and thus interrupt her impromptu concert?

GENTLE READER: Annoying to you? Miss Manners has already been driven mad by your friend, and she hasn't even met her. Please tell her to stop!

Oops. That is what you want Miss Manners to do.

You would not be interrupting a concert to resume your conversation, because it is the conversation that has been interrupted. However, knowing your response was not rude is likely to be cold comfort, since it was ineffective anyway.

Miss Manners is afraid you are at the stage of begging for mercy, which you ought to be able to do in dire situations: "I'd love to hear you sing sometime, but not in the middle of a conversation, please. It gets me rattled."

If this only spurs her on to keep singing, she is not as lovely as you think.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I loaned some children's videos to a friend/acquaintance. I asked her how her daughter enjoyed the videos and she responded that her daughter had not watched them (it's been over six months). How do I get my videos back politely?

GENTLE READER: By saying politely, "I'd like to have them back for now, please. Let me know when your daughter wants to watch them."

Miss Manners assures you that it is no less polite to ask for something you own than for them to ask for something you own. And if your own children do not get around to watching them until they are requested again, surely your friend will understand.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend went to a wedding one month ago and has yet to give the couple a gift. She fully intends to (intended to?), but that is beside the point.

She received an e-mail from the groom that read, "Did I send you our address? We have a nice little thank-you note waiting with your lovely name on it, but nothing to write in it yet."

My friend is mortified that he would have the nerve to ask her the whereabouts of his wedding present. How should she respond?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is always gratified to hear of those who write prompt thank-you letters, if less enthralled when these turn out to be extortion notes. But as the gentleman seems to appreciate them, she suggests your friend sends him one. It could say, "Thank you for thinking of me," after which you can call it quits.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to respond to comments such as, "You're so pretty. I hate you"? This type of comment seems to have become a distressingly common way to "compliment" another woman, but I find it exceedingly uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of such a statement. I understand that it is rude to lecture someone on their rudeness, and so I would appreciate your help on this matter.

GENTLE READER: The polite way to ruin an unpleasant pleasantry is to take it literally. Assuming an expression of shock and dismay, you could reply, "My looks offend you? That's terrible. I don't mean to offend you. Really, I don't. I had no idea..." and so on.

Miss Manners assures you that after awhile, the actual offender will protest sourly, "I meant it as a compliment." At that point, you can look confused and say, "Oh. Well, in that case, thank you." You might even be able to get to that sooner by answering the initial remark with, "You're so kind."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had been unaware that the practice of "save the date" cards for weddings existed, but in recent years have begun receiving such cards six to seven months in advance of a wedding. The cards have come with refrigerator magnets printed with the wedding date.

My daughter and I disagree about the custom. She finds it charming and helpful in planning her rather busy social schedule. I think the traditional notice time given for wedding invitations should be sufficient.

I am also concerned that the practice removes a convenient excuse for not attending a wedding one does not wish to attend -- a conflict in schedule -- causing hurt to a bride whose wedding could otherwise be diplomatically avoided.

Most recently we received a "save the date" card from a close relative seven months in advance of a fifth wedding. Having attended all of the prior weddings at great cost in both time and expense, we planned to avoid this wedding claiming a conflict in schedule. Now we suppose we will have to lie and claim a last-minute emergency in order to avoid the wedding without hurting the family member's feelings.

Are these "save the date" cards a new courtesy, or another example of Bridezilla syndrome?

GENTLE READER: A courtesy, if properly given and taken. Miss Manners keeps making the point that a save-the-date notice is merely an advance warning that carries none of the obligations of an actual invitation. When that is received, at the proper time, it may be declined with regret without offering an excuse.

However, your point is well taken -- a close relative might well be in a position to introduce into conversation the question of your inability to attend. So you should probably line something up real that you can offer should that come to pass. It need only be contracted before the actual invitation, and you have had advance warning about that.

You will, of course, plead muddle-headedness and express regret. Something along the lines of, "But you know I always love going to your weddings."

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