DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a very picky eater. I don't like onions, tomatoes, many green vegetables, coconut, and the list could go on and on.

My problem is that my boyfriend would like for me to eat at his mother's house. However, I'm afraid that I will not like what she cooks. I am very open-minded to try anything, but many times I don't like things. And I do eat things with onions and tomatoes in it, but I push them aside and leave them on the plate. If I go eat at his mother's house, I'm afraid it will be rude to pick out the things I don't like.

So what am I supposed to do? I can't force myself to eat these things I don't like! Help!

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners appreciates your admitting to being a picky eater instead of bolstering your choices with philosophical or medical polemics. But you are right to assume that no one else is likely to feel the same, least of all your hostess who is also your beau's mother.

No one should be monitoring what her guests do or do not eat, but nearly everyone does. And picky eating should not be considered symptomatic of being spoiled, but it often is.

As the gentleman already knows your habits and nature, Miss Manners suggests you enlist his help. Ask him to think of a dish that his mother makes that would appeal to you, and -- without mentioning your pickiness -- have him ask her flatteringly if she would treat you to that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I ran into an old friend whom I had not seen in a long time, I casually asked, "How are you?" His only response was "clean and sober for over three months."

This left me searching for a proper follow-up response, and I was wondering if you had any suggestions. I was unaware that my friend had been having troubles with substance abuse (I still don't know if it was drugs or alcohol, or both), but I felt that a response such as "That is such good news!" or "I am so proud of you!" would indicate that I previously felt he did have a problem. Nor did it feel right to say, "Wow, I didn't know you were struggling with substance abuse."

I simply responded: "Well, you look great!" (which was true) and proceeded to find a new topic to discuss. But somehow that felt insufficient considering how significant this news was to him.

Can you think of anything else I might say should this situation arise again?

GENTLE READER: It depends on what you want to hear. And how much.

Your friend is obviously disposed to talk about his past and present situation, either because you are a valued confidante or because he tells everyone in sight. If it is the former case, you could indicate a willingness to listen by saying, "Really? I didn't know that you had problems, but I'm glad to hear you are doing well." But Miss Manners assures you that what you did say is just as polite, and the right way to keep the conversation on the casual level of exchanged greetings that you seem to have intended.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 73-year-old mother has a Yorkie-pug dog, and she insists on taking her pet everywhere. After being asked to leave most places that serve food, she used the Internet to order a "service dog" vest. Now she again takes this dog everywhere.

On Sunday, she met the family at a restaurant and tried to set this small dog in a chair next to her, then took a plate off the table, put food on it and fed the dog. The family and I were stunned at her manners. She feels it's all right since it's a "service dog," which it really is not.

What are the right manners with a service dog in a restaurant?

GENTLE READER: As far as Miss Manners knows, they are not empowered to arrest other dogs for impersonating those in their uniformed service, but perhaps they ought to be. A Yorkie-pug lapping from a plate at the table while supposedly on duty is a disgrace to the profession.

Your mother and her dog might want to take their act to France, where dogs are welcome in restaurants. In the United States, it is not just considered unmannerly but illegal to bring non-working pets into restaurants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have in my possession a gift, a quilt, which was made for me and given with love. I like the quilt very much and responded with a warm thank you card.

Several months later, the maker of this quilt decided we could no longer be friends. I did not respond as well as I wished to, and communication quickly deteriorated. The last thing I said to her was, "I'm here if you want to talk about it," to which she responded, "Thank you." That was a year ago.

For six months I kept this beautiful quilt in my home. But every time I looked at it, it reminded me of the pain of the lost friendship. For the next six months, I packed it away, but it still troubled me when I saw it.

I have an opportunity to donate this quilt to a school fund-raiser. I think it would please a quilt-lover and help the school, so this seems to be a good approach. But am I doing a disservice to the original intent of the gift? It was made for me, with cloth that had significance, and is so lovely. Am I a fool for associating it with the sad memories?

GENTLE READER: No, presents are supposed to be symbolic. Otherwise, what is the point of those endless rounds of handing merchandise to one another?

The idea is to associate the object with your and the giver's feelings about each other. Engagement rings, for example, should be treasured above their intrinsic worth when things go well, and flung back in disdain, despite their intrinsic worth, if things go bad. Miss Manners has a hard time making greedy ladies understand that.

The chief warmth of your quilt, however beautifully made it was, quite properly came from the meaning of your friendship. When that is gone, if it is truly gone forever, you may as well let someone enjoy it merely as a quilt.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Often, when I'm in a waiting situation, such as in a doctor's office or on a long bus trip, I like to do pencil puzzles. The puzzles I choose are complicated and challenging, such as anagrams, cryptograms, cryptic crosswords, logic problems, etc.

Many times I have someone looking over my shoulder; as if this weren't bad enough, they want an explanation of the puzzle I'm working on. My first instinct is to say, "You wouldn't understand," which is probably true or they wouldn't have asked. I stifle such an answer as it sounds rude and condescending. Instead, I usually launch into a long explanation; halfway through the explanation they are confused enough or bored enough to leave me alone.

Can you suggest a kinder, gentler way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: By saying, "Sure -- please just wait until I finish it." You will probably be called into the doctor's office or reach your destination first, but Miss Manners assures you that your questioner will have long since been called away by the boredom of watching you moving your pencil around.

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