DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you do about friends who call from cell phones in grocery lines (I can hear the cash register), the lingerie department in a department store, or stuck in traffic (I can hear the honking)? I find it so rude and impersonal. I often feign a lie and say, "I'm sorry, we have a bad connection. When will you be home and I'll call you?" What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Having long maintained that the annoyances generated by cellular telephones are covered under long-standing etiquette rules, Miss Manners is compelled to declare a new rule.

It is not about creating noise that disturbs others; that one was covered. So is ignoring the people you are with, doing business during social events, and a host of other uses that drive people so crazy that they hurl invectives at an instrument that -- when properly used -- is a great convenience.

The new rule is: Stop using your telephone to bore other people every time you happen to be bored.

It is true that life offers a lot of downtime -- waiting in line, taking transportation -- that can be spent making calls, as long as it does not constitute rudeness toward those in the vicinity. That is no excuse, however, for making idle calls -- ones that serve no purpose to either party and would not be made if you had anything better to do.

Your solution is a fine one. It is not a lie to say that the connection is a bad one -- the personal connection is, even if the telephonic one is not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in Amsterdam and an acquaintance from college who I am friendly with (e-mail contact, lunch together when we are in the same city) lives in London.

She e-mailed two days before she was coming into the city saying that she was accompanying her husband on a business trip but was coming two days early to spend more time in the city. She wanted to have some hotel and restaurant recommendations and let it be known that she would be looking for a basic place for just herself on the two days that she would be on her own.

I felt that she was fishing for an invitation and felt obligated and irritated to extend one. Could it be that she was just trying to be polite by not asking explicitly? I would have much preferred it if she had said, "I was thinking of coming a few days early, could I stay with you?" Later when I spoke to her, she let it be known that she hadn't even bought her tickets yet. If I had known that, I might not have extended an invitation.

Which is more polite? To indirectly "fish" for an invitation or more directly ask to stay over?

GENTLE READER: Fishing; no question. All you have to do then is to answer the question that was asked -- supplying names of hotels -- while appearing to be too thick-headed to understand the subtext.

And don't tell Miss Manners that you would have had no trouble replying to "Could I stay with you?" by saying, "Heavens, no -- why don't you go to a hotel?"

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: If my same-sex marriage is eventually invalidated by a constitutional amendment or Supreme Court ruling, am I obligated to return all my wedding presents?

What if it's been longer than a year? I know my guests have up to a year after the wedding to send a present, but wouldn't it be rude for them to wait the year if they were just waiting to see if the marriage will be enjoined?

GENTLE READER: Provided you follow the rules, Miss Manners wishes you the best:

You get to keep the presents. You do not get to question the motives of your wedding guests. You are encouraged to keep lists of who sent presents so that you can write your thanks and remember to display them when entertaining the donors. You are forbidden to keep lists of who failed to send presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I respond to people who, upon learning of my husband's impending deployment to Iraq, ask "Is there any way he can get out of it?" or "Has he tried to get out of it?"

These are generally well-meaning people who seem to be concerned for my family, but each time I am amazed at the suggestion that my husband should or would ever try to evade the responsibilities and obligations for which he volunteered. If I am able to say anything, I usually respond with "Of course not."

I would like to let these people know that such a question, however well-intended, comes across as questioning my husband's character. Is it possible to do that politely, or should I not make such an attempt?

GENTLE READER: It is not rude to ask for clarification, Miss Manners assures you. You could give them a puzzled look and inquire, "Get out of doing his patriotic duty? Why would he do that?"

When they protest, brilliantly, that your husband will be in danger, you should say, "Yes, but he's in the service. So he knows that, but his job is to protect others."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Though it's nice of people to not brag or make self-aggrandizing comments, what do you do about the people who are overly critical of themselves? For example, I have several friends (all women) who say things like, "I'd go swimming, but there's a 'no whales' sign at the gate," or "You can wear that because you're skinny; my fat thighs would never look good in it."

What does one say after such a comment? Do you just switch topics, pretending that you didn't hear her? The slimmer women who say these things can be quieted with a simple, "Oh, don't be silly." But, the women who are on the larger side carry on about how their hips keep spreading or how they ought to diet. What would you do or say as a proper lady?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, don't be silly."

Said affectionately, this can mean either "No, you're not," or "It's not worth being upset about." Its greatest advantage, Miss Manners believes, is that it is not conducive to continuing the subject.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you be so kind as to clarify who should initiate a "re-call" when a cell phone call is unexpectedly terminated due to signal loss?

Would the person who has received or the one who placed the call be responsible for re-establishing the connection?

GENTLE READER: The person who thinks it is the fault of his telephone system. And when we are thus able to identify the person whose system never malfunctions, Miss Manners would appreciate being told which one it is.

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