DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does a lady get into and out of a minivan (the backseat), a truck, an SUV or any other such vehicle? It seems that with these newer and higher vehicles it is increasingly harder to gracefully get in and out of them.

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners recalls, carriages were just as high, but had little folding steps that were let down to enable a lady to alight gracefully, using the arm of a footman or the hand of a gentleman as a banister. Should she trip, she would at least be assured of landing on something -- or rather, someone -- more forgiving than the ground.

Nowadays, such helpers are increasingly hard to find, and the lady is apt to be on her own. It is even rare to find a footstool in such a vehicle, when they ought to be standard equipment. So much for what should be.

To disembark, a lady who is seated by a door should open it and rotate so that her legs face it, then lower herself slowly to the ground, using the seat to steady herself. If, however, she has to do a sort of crouching walk to get to the door, she has a choice of taking a little leap to the ground, which may be dangerous, or lowering one leg first, which is unseemly. Miss Manners cannot advise others to make the choice she would make.

Getting in is safer, but even more awkward looking. She suggests saying to anyone standing behind, "Oh, look at the clouds, do you think it is going to rain?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father suddenly and unexpectedly died one evening, though he was not of ill health in the least. Though the family came together to handle this crisis, it prompted questions concerning the proper etiquette under such circumstances.

For instance, my 80ish-year-old mother insisted on making all telephone calls herself, to inform relatives and close friends. Was she just being stoic, or is it proper to put oneself through repeat performances of such an emotionally draining experience only hours after it happened?

The children offered to help; however, my mother insisted that it was customary for her to make such calls. Would it be proper to expect a few key relatives and friends to be informed and to ask them to carry out the task of informing others?

GENTLE READER: Custom does not require the widow to make these calls; in fact, doing so is one of the tasks that intimates who want to be of use customarily offer to perform.

However, Miss Manners would gently like to make you aware of another custom. That is not to prevent a suddenly bereaved widow from doing what she clearly feels she has to do. It is not improper for her to make these calls, and whatever her rationale, she is the best judge of what she can handle. You children can help her best by being available for whatever she needs, which may even include taking over the job of informing people if she finds she doesn't want to continue it.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is the correct form of address for a female U.S. President "Ms. President" or "Madame President"?

GENTLE READER: Neither. It is Madam President. Miss Manners hopes this will be useful to you, and, sooner rather than later, to the nation.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: This June, my wife will give birth to our first child. Since we are both women, the baby was conceived thanks to an anonymous male donor whose genetic material we purchased. Though we hope this gentleman will agree to have contact with our child when s/he turns 18, this is not guaranteed, and in fact it is unlikely that they will ever meet.

Many female couples we know report being asked by unwitting (or perhaps unthinking) persons, "Where is Daddy?" While their various responses to this question are ... creative, we are not sure they are correct. I imagine this is also a concern, to a lesser degree, for some single or divorced moms. We'd like to find the appropriate response(s) to this question both for us as parents and for our future child, who will no doubt be asked the same thing, perhaps by peers.

GENTLE READER: Less and less, is Miss Manners' guess. With so many single mothers around, and double mothers becoming less of a novelty, it is the children of traditional couples who are going to be asked, "Who is that man at your house?"

In your case, and that of single mothers, you need only say, "We are not in touch with him. Adelaide and I are her only parents."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was in my late teens, I had occasion to take a bus with my father to attend a social event to which my mother was unable to come. We were sitting near an older couple, the feminine half of which began giving me a constant, deliberate, nasty glare.

As I was dressed and was acting in an unremarkable manner, the only thing I could guess might elicit such a nasty look was that she thought I was stepping out with a married older man. So, when addressing my father, I took every opportunity to use the word "Dad," so that she might hear and be comforted, yet the woman's nasty glance at me did not abate. (Perhaps she thought I was faking it?)

Miss Manners, what should I have done in this situation? It was quite discomfiting. Should I have spoken to her directly and asked her if there was something wrong, or if I was in some way offending her?

Quite frankly, I thought it appalling to contemplate that a teen could not innocently go out in public with a parent of the opposite gender without someone coming to the wrong -- and totally unjustified -- conclusion, and if that was her thought I would have loved to say so politely. Or is her looking daggers at me simply her problem, for whatever reason, and I should just dismiss it?

GENTLE READER: You've been brooding about this dirty look for a long time, haven't you? And you share with the dirty looker the fact that you are only guessing what was happening.

Miss Manners suggests that you forget about it. Even if you guessed right, the person in question would long since have gotten her comeuppance. If she spread the story around, as scandalmongers cannot help doing, she would have eventually encountered someone who knew otherwise. The new story going around would then be about her scandalous mind.

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