DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is a problem I enjoy having. What is the polite response to being told that my girlfriend is beautiful?

"Thank you" seems presumptuous and sexist, since I had nothing to do with it. "I agree" sounds smug and ungrateful. I am at a loss.

GENTLE READER: "She has a beautiful character and a beautiful mind." If you say this in a dreamy voice, it will not only flummox the commenter, but, Miss Manners promises, enhance your private life.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I seem to have a penchant for noticing clothing tags that have been inadvertently left out while dressing. (As opposed to those tags that are strategically sewn on to best allow the wearer to become a free billboard for the designer.)

This has become a point of some contention between me and my teenage daughter. She thinks it's inappropriate (not to mention embarrassing, but then isn't that my job?) for me to point out to someone that their tag is out. I've even been known to gently tuck it in if it's at the collar of a woman of a similar age to mine.

I think I'm doing a service, my daughter thinks it's none of my business. I remember one particular time when I was at arguably one of the best restaurants in the country, and in walked a beautifully dressed woman and man, with the tag on the woman's dress sticking out for all the world to see. As we all waited for our tables I gently made my way over and subtly told her of the grooming error. I can assure you she was grateful.

Mercifully, my daughter was not with me at the time. I do ignore far more than I point out -- I'm not a stalker.

GENTLE READER: It is nice to be socially concerned, and Miss Manners supposes it is also a good idea to have a specialty. But she worries about those gentle tucks, which seem to allow for the possibility of your creeping up on unsuspecting ladies and thrusting an icy hand down their backs.

The rule about such corrections -- and Miss Manners can think of worse clothing errors of which the wearers would be grateful to be informed in time to salvage their appearance -- is that they must be made in confidence and that the problem must be easily fixable on the spot. If you can manage to be really discreet, no one else need know about it -- neither the tag-wearer's escort nor your daughter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In these increasingly etiquette-free times, I have stumbled on what appears to me to be a new and slightly unsettling expression of etiquette. I am referring to the strange phenomenon wherein a driver pulls a harebrained (and often dangerous or even illegal) maneuver -- cutting me off, running a red light in front of me, or such -- then smiles and waves thanks, as if permission to pull the maneuver had actually been requested and granted, when in fact neither is the case.

I am not referring to a similar situation, where the other driver musters up a shrug and grin of apology, which I can accept. I am speaking of a cheerful and guilt-free offer of gratitude.

I realize it is churlish of me to find fault in anyone showing the good manners to thank me, but I am afraid the feeling this inspires in me is closer to road rage than warm and fuzzy. I would like your comments on this phenomenon, and what, if anything, I can do with my unseemly feelings.

GENTLE READER: Drive off with them. Or drive them off. The unseemly feelings, that is.

You make an interesting observation. Miss Manners had noticed that look without considering how it implies complicity on the part of the innocent. But while she is always pleased to have the sights along the roads pointed out to her, she does not advise detouring off the path of politeness.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received an e-mail recently that had the following statement at the bottom, which I will copy verbatim:

"This e-mail may display a telegraphic style that gives the false impression of curtness or insensitivity. Also, it may contain confidential or privileged information. If it is received in error, kindly delete it and notify sender. Thank you."

It appears that the sender's company requires this statement to be attached to the end of every e-mail.

I have several questions about the first sentence. Should I take it as a pre-emptive apology? Or an instruction not to be offended about what would otherwise be offensive? Do you believe it is appropriate to include such a sentence in e-mails? Do you recommend that other companies adopt this approach?

And what is "a telegraphic style," anyway? I'm only 34, so I've never sent or received a telegram.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners commiserates with you for having missed the excitement of receiving a telegram (although under some circumstances, they also brought tragedy). As telegrams were expensive and each word added to the charge, they were written and sent sparingly, investing them with momentous importance.

For example:

"ELOPED PLEASE FORGIVE STOP MADLY HAPPY."

"RETURN IMMEDIATELY STOP MOTHER HYSTERICAL STOP FINANCIAL CONSEQUENCES STOP LOVE FATHER"

Some translation may be in order here. Telegrams lacked punctuation and lowercase letters, so "stop" indicated the end of a sentence fragment, and the messages, however animated, should not be interpreted as shouts.

But is e-mail generally any clearer, for all its unlimited wordage and symbols?

Terseness doesn't look so bad, now that we are sinking under the frequency and verbosity of e-mail. Miss Manners favors recycling that aspect of telegraphic style, although not the stops and caps. Prophylactic apologies do seem superfluous, but should be interpreted as lack of practice at getting to the point, rather than as a prelude to insult.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had a small dinner party planned (just another couple and their children), and the food was cooking and hors d'oeuvres out when they called to say they couldn't make it.

The food was not going to keep well as leftovers. We contemplated (but didn't) calling nearby friends and asking them over at the last minute. Obviously, we would have had to say that they were pinch-hitting for another couple.

Would this have been a thrifty means of saving the evening and sharing our repast, or a rude attempt to swap guests?

GENTLE READER: It depends on whom you invite.

Dear friends whom you often entertain would be charmed if you confessed your plight and begged them to help you eat your way out of it. Social life being as unreliable as it is, they should be grateful not only for an unexpected evening out, but for having friends whom they can call upon in an emergency.

People whom you owe would not be grateful. To them it becomes obvious that you only reach for them in an emergency.

But shouldn't you be bringing this food to the hospital, where your guests are recovering from their last-minute accident, or to their funerals?

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