DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy entertaining. During the year, we host several large gatherings at our home. As we have two small children, we have tailored many of our parties -- including our Super Bowl party -- to families.

For the past couple of years, we have noticed that, in response to our invitations, we sometimes get the response, "We'll try to make it" or "Maybe."

Our Super Bowl party is certainly not elaborate, but we do offer food for the adults and the children. When several entire families give a "maybe" response, I have no way of knowing how much food to prepare.

For this year's Super Bowl party, three families responded with "We'll try to make it" (each a family of four). None of them came. And now we have mountains of leftovers. What is the best way of handling such a situation?

GENTLE READER: First, eat the leftovers. Then chop up your guest list. Miss Manners does not advise having anything spoiled at a party.

People who say "I'll try to make it" should be told, "Oh, don't worry about it, we'll try you again next year." Those who simply don't show have been tried and found wanting.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please inform me of the appropriate manner of wearing rings and evening gloves.

GENTLE READER: One on top of the other, and Miss Manners assures you that it does matter which. If you wear rings on top of your gloves, you will look vulgar, whereas if you wear them under your gloves, you will merely look lumpy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the far dim recesses of my closet has lurked, for many years, an extremely elegant dinner jacket. Following some period of dieting and exercise, I find that I can again fit into it. Alas, it is a true child of the early '70s and remarkably out of fashion: highly peaked lapels, somewhat flared slacks, very tight waist.

Yes, I know it serves me right, which is why my current jacket has a shawl collar, but it truly is a lovely piece of designer apparel in its own way and I would love to take it out on the town again. I seem to recall a general rule that no dinner jacket, like no piece of couturier clothing, is ever out of fashion. Is this so? Or am I just fooling myself?

GENTLE READER: Not exactly, but the assumption that has been lurking in the back of your mind did get a bit out of shape.

The twist Miss Manners must iron out is your notion that the rule applies to couturier clothing. Evidently you have not been following the news from Milan and Paris.

Rather, it concerns the formal clothing of fastidious gentlemen, a demographic that fashion leaders would be loathe to attract for a good reason: These gentlemen pride themselves on being out of fashion as much as other people pride themselves on being in it.

They especially like their evening clothes to be ever so slightly dated, lest they be mistaken for something new and rented. So the reason that these clothes cannot go out of fashion is that they were never in it.

Of course this boast, like many another fashion claims, is exaggerated. Once the dinner jacket became standardized early in the 20th century, it merely varied between peaked lapels and the shawl collar, and gentlemen seemed to prefer whichever one was not being touted as fashionable.

Any additional attempts to fool with it -- odd colors and odd tailoring as well as such fads as turtleneck shirts and string ties -- can be counted as passing fads that are forever dead. If your '70s suit is tight enough and flared enough to qualify, Miss Manners suggests learning to love your newer one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a stay-at-home mother of two and have noticed that people don't seem to wrap gifts anymore. The "gift bag" with the present ensconced in tissue paper seems to be the decorative vehicle of choice.

I always thought that the time spent wrapping a present was a nice part of the gift giving process. Are these gift bags, which I might add are frequently re-used, now an appropriate option for the gift giver?

GENTLE READER: As long as some festive wrapping is attempted, etiquette cannot demand that everyone wrestle with papers and ribbons to produce something lovely. But it reserves the right to be more charmed when that is done.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the right thing to say when someone insults your intelligence by telling you something which is obviously not true?

For example, my girlfriend left a letter under the door of my room saying she is going to her parents' house because her mother "wants to talk to her about something." My handyman told me that that when she left she was wearing a sexy top, and she never does that when she goes to meet her parents.

Her parents live a couple hours away, in another city. She does not own a car, so it's improbable that she would have made it to work the following morning, yet when I stopped by her office, her boss said she went out to lunch.

Also, she just started her job, and I am still supporting her until her first paycheck at the end of the month. I know she did not have money for the trip. So when she gives me some excuse, I feel bad, because it seems she is underestimating my intelligence.

Is there a snappy answer that would demonstrate to her that I am no fool? We have an open relationship, it's not that I am jealous, but I don't want to be lied to so blatantly. I cannot dump her at the moment because she is pregnant, and my family would like me to take part in raising the child.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners will not insult your intelligence by claiming that this problem is solvable. An expectant mother who violates the terms of an arrangement already open to heaven-knows-what is not going to be reformed by a quip.

Nor will we argue about whether your bad feeling stems from the presumed deed or the use of subterfuge to accomplish it; fortunately, that is out of Miss Manners' purview. The etiquette question is whether you can insult the perpetrator so as to shame her but not alienate her.

Probably not. Nobody is willing to suffer being called a liar -- least of all liars. The indignation they are able to bring to such accusations is stunning.

You could unnerve her by throwing out small indications that you have discovered contradictions in her story without stating any conclusions -- "Funny, your mother called here" or "I would have been glad to drive you" -- stated without rancor or probing.

Who knows, this may even lead to indications that you were mistaken about her deception. Or at least it will encourage her to lie to you less blatantly, which is all you claim to want.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I gave a New Year's Eve party last year and invited 12 of our close friends. The evening included a formal dinner, followed by dancing and champagne at midnight.

One of our friends has taken us to task because we chose to split the couples up when arranging the place cards at the table. This person maintains that separating couples is "inappropriate" for a New Year's Eve dinner. Is she correct?

GENTLE READER: We let couples kiss each other at midnight, for heaven's sake. Isn't that enough of a concession? They want to talk to each other at dinner, too?

Even on New Year's Eve, couples who go to parties should be prepared to socialize with the other guests. Those who only want to concentrate on each other should certainly do so, but at home or among strangers. A dinner party is a social event, not a free place to go for a private date.

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