DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teenage girl and I am about to send out invitations to my birthday slumber party. Within my group of friends, there are a couple of people I am not close with and who have not invited me to their parties. I see no reason why I should invite them, when they did not invite me, even though I am inviting a lot of people.
Should I just invite them anyways, considering they might find out about my party, or is it OK to not invite them? I am fairly baffled, please help!
GENTLE READER: You were doubtless brought up on the kindly principle of not letting anyone feel left out. "You wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings," you were told when you first learned to draw up a guest list and were relishing the idea of the enemies and losers you hoped to exclude.
Miss Manners is gratified that you have retained the desire to avoid hurting feelings, but she can offer you some relief. You don't have to spend the rest of your life entertaining everyone you know. The hurtful part is inviting almost an entire category of people -- for example, everyone in your first-grade class, or all the children on your block -- except for one or two. Within general circles of friends, and presuming you reciprocate the invitations you accept, you are free to pick and choose.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I live in a two-bedroom apartment, and our master bedroom has a king-size bed. We have a guestroom with a full-size bed and its own bathroom. He believes that, when his parents visit, we should let them sleep in our bedroom and we should sleep in the guest room since our bed is larger and more comfortable.
I believe that the guest room is for guests, and we should stay in our own room. My boyfriend also insists that his parents sleep in a queen-size bed at home, so it would be rude for us to expect them to sleep in a full-size bed in our apartment. This has become a sore point between us.
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners trusts that each of you is motivated solely by the desire to make his parents as comfortable as possible during their stay. She surmises that he believes that they would be more comfortable in a larger bed, and you believe that they would be more comfortable knowing that they had not displaced you.
Isn't that right?
No matter. The point is that you each have a valid and respectable argument, even if you didn't realize until now that you did.
Therefore Miss Manners suggests putting the question to the parents. This is in your interest. Any halfway polite guests will protest that they would be happy anywhere, and wouldn't dream of allowing their hosts to be inconvenienced.