DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past, while dating a potential suitor, I would not consider dating anyone else concurrently and would politely rebuff others' advances.

Due to, shall we say, a convergence of the stars, I find myself dating two different gentlemen whose company I find equally enjoyable. Granted, it has only been about two months, but both gentlemen have intimated that they enjoy my company and would like to continue to do so. While there have not been any problems yet, I feel slightly dishonest by not informing the beaux of each other's existence.

I fear they might, at some point in the future, feel slighted to learn that I am not dating them exclusively. The only reference I seem to be able to draw on is that of Scarlett O'Hara, with her multiple suitors, and this image does not comfort me.

I must say, though, that my unaccustomed situation has had the benefit of slowing the rate of becoming romantically involved with either gentleman. In the past, I have found myself swept up in the romance, and have offered my heart up too soon.

What is the etiquette of dating multiple people at the same time? Could you please give me some guidelines to prevent hurt feelings and wounded hearts?

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners correctly understands your allusion to restraint in offering your heart, then you are doing nothing wicked. She hopes this does not put a damper on the excitement, replacing the damper of your unnecessary uneasiness.

Excitement is what dating was originally intended to provide. When this custom was replaced by successions of temporary intimacies, they had to be exclusive so as not to be promiscuous. But a gentleman should not presume that he has exclusive access to a lady who is merely dating him unless they have agreed on such terms.

Miss Manners regrets to tell you, however, that there is no system of romance, and never has been, that eliminates the risk of hurt feelings and wounded hearts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I visit my parents, my father is apt to say something like "Isn't this soup great?" Meanwhile, I'm thinking it's the blandest tasting soup I've ever eaten. Or he may say something like "What do you think of our new sofa?" and I know he wants me to exclaim how wonderful it is, when I may not feel that way. Would you have a recommendation on how to handle these situations?

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners points out that the proper answers to these questions are "Umm, great," she supposes she will be accused of fostering dishonesty. People who may think nothing of falsifying their tax returns and making up excuses to get out of jury duty consider it a sin not to treat everyone to their negative opinions.

But your father was not really asking for a critique of his taste in food and furniture. His subtext is a plea for you to affirm that you find the place pleasant to visit. Does your conscience prevent you from gratifying this modest paternal wish?

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My lesbian partner of 26 years and I will be helping our straight daughter with her wedding plans. We are out to our immediate family and friends, as well as the groom's immediate family. Our daughter is NOT asking her father to walk her down the aisle, but wants her mother to do so.

My questions are:

1. If Mom walks our daughter down the aisle, how should I as Mom No. 2 enter with the wedding party?

2. How should the invitations be worded to indicate that both of us, as well as the groom's parents (both his mom and dad have remarried after their divorce) are announcing the wedding of our respective children?

The bride and groom have no particular religious convictions, so the ceremony can be a bit unconventional and without pretense. We are, however, hoping to maintain as much of the traditional wedding etiquette as possible.

GENTLE READER: Then you will have to accept Miss Manners' definition of traditional. That is to regard wedding etiquette as a basis for symbolizing the families involved as they actually exist, and not to try to jam them into roles that may not fit.

Giving away a bride is already an anachronism, retained for its charm. People who are fixed on the idea that this task must be performed by a gentleman, and who hunt up a remote one in the absence of a father or stepfather, render it meaningless. The point is that it should be one or more parents, or someone such as a stepparent or guardian who has served as such.

How you assigned yourself to be "Mom No. 2" in this regard you do not say, but if you feel that the other mother alone should give your daughter away, then you should enter last as hostess, and sit up front. But it might also be fitting for you both to give away the bride.

Invitations are usually issued by the bride's family alone because they traditionally acted as sole hosts. But if all of you parents are giving the wedding, all of your formal names with honorifics should appear at the top of the invitation, beginning with the parents of the bride, and using as many lines as it takes to request the pleasure of your guests' company at the marriage of your respective children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to give a baby shower for a friend's daughter who lives 12 hours away. The daughter will not be traveling to my home area prior to the birth of the baby. Can I give a shower with gifts (along with a small book of good wishes) to be shipped to the mother-to-be?

GENTLE READER: You can shower your friend's daughter with however many presents you care to buy and send her, and Miss Manners finds it charming of you to think of doing so. What you cannot properly do is issue instructions to others to do the same. Presents are merely a feature of such parties, not the entire point of them, shocked as many will be to learn this.

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"Can you say a few words about yourself?"

"A few," Miss Manners said. "Well chosen" also comes to her mind.

Going about your business and assuming that others will be aware of your essential qualities no longer seems to be an option. The most you can expect is that at your funeral, your friends will wax poetic about how much they contributed to your life. If you achieve public attention before that, half the people asked will describe you as "kinda normal, I guess" and the other half as "I dunno, kinda strange."

On numerous ordinary occasions, people are required to provide some background information about themselves. Typically, they attend meetings where people who are drawn together by work, interests or problems go around the table telling their qualifications for being there. They also find themselves at the sort of large social gathering in which the roof provides an introduction (which is etiquette's quaint phrase for encouraging guests to talk even without the host's prompting), but the roof fails to provide material for conversation.

They may receive questionnaires from their alma maters asking them what they have been doing since graduation. They meet -- or become -- a new neighbor, colleague or client and need to provide some biography to launch the relationship. They are stranded with strangers, in airports and other waiting rooms, and turn to conversation as one of the few available amusements.

True, the life story of an honest person is presumably always the same, but each such situation requires that it be edited to fit the circumstances.

Miss Manners has observed, however, that many people have developed a single set piece about themselves, which they deliver in full at each of these opportunities, and sometimes when no such opportunity exists. Furthermore, the forms used are suspiciously reminiscent of patterns intended for specific circumstances that have nothing to do with the ways in which they are used.

The daytime talk-show format is particularly popular: "Mother loved the other children best which led to my substance abuse, but now, with your help, I'm finally going to get my life together." Suitable for support group meetings, but a bad choice for first dates.

Others favor the professional resume: "I became a vice president at 25, and naturally expect compensation commensurate with my talents, but I've gotten bored and am looking for something more challenging." Should be confined to job interviews and clueing in prospective in-laws, but never trotted out at social events.

Despite its bad reputation, the Christmas letter survives as a biographical format: "Here are pictures of the children on our rafting vacation -- as you can see, they are great athletes, and they star on their school teams, but they are also tremendous students, which I suppose comes naturally because we ... " Should be reserved for people from whom an equivalent saga would be not only tolerated but welcomed.

The Academy Awards have a big influence: "I feel so humbled and grateful, and I couldn't have done it without the love and faith that my family and God and my wonderful dog have shown in me." Should be edited down for public consumption, but can be expanded for strictly family occasions.

The Miss America Pageant is also influential: "These are my ideals, and I believe that I can help make the world a better place because I can be anything I want if I have faith and work hard." Excellent for private, late-night talks with intimates and for professional ethical discussions, but should never be unleashed on strangers.

-- The protest rally format keeps gaining: "I see how things really are, and you're making the world a worse place because you don't." Fine for public discussions, but should never been unleashed on family and friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response when someone knocks on the door of the bathroom or toilet stall that you are in?

GENTLE READER: "I'll be right out!"

If that is not possible, for reasons Miss Manners would prefer not to contemplate, the second choice is, "Sorry, I'll be a few minutes more."

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