DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a local ethnic festival, a popular event where I display my dog, an elderly gentleman always comes up and talks persistently for about an hour. The conversation does not relate to the festival or the dogs, and my efforts to move on to others, who are clearly waiting to speak to me, have not worked.
Advertisement
He is not in the least offensive other than for monopolizing my time, but I find myself becoming more and more tense as the time passes, and I cannot get free of him. Please suggest tactics to help me share my time with all the fairgoers.
GENTLE READER: Can't you just train your dog to tug at his leash and then tear off, taking you along with him, as you flash a smile of helpless apology at the poor old bore?
Failing that, Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to learn to pull yourself away. We all need to allot some time to tolerating inoffensive bores in the hope that others may tolerate us in our less scintillating moments, but there should be a limit.
When you reach yours, turn to the person who is waiting to speak to you, and repeat the gentleman's last remark as if you were drawing a third person into the conversation. Then you may begin a new topic with that person.
"Mr. Hound was just saying that the grocery stores no longer carry his favorite soup. What did you think of the judging this year?" Eventually, you can then excuse yourself from both of them without singling out the gentleman. Or, they can excuse themselves from you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I got married, his parents refused to come to our wedding, never bothering to respond to our invitation. They also managed to convince several of his siblings not to attend. My husband expressed to each of them individually his desire for them to attend our wedding, but to no avail.
Now, 10 years have passed, and his youngest sister, who did not attend our wedding, has invited us to hers. I do not wish to attend, but my husband wishes to.
Since I have not spoken to my in-laws in 10 years, how do I act at the reception? Shall I avoid the receiving line altogether, or pass through it and pretend nothing is out of the ordinary? I personally do not wish to speak to either of them but want to act appropriately.
GENTLE READER: Appropriate to a wedding? Or to a feud?
It is not a good idea to attempt the two simultaneously, although many people make elaborate plans to do so. Miss Manners has yet to hear of anyone's having a social triumph playing the evil spirit at a wedding.
She urges you to pass through the receiving line with a smile and the refrain, "What a lovely wedding." Making it clear that you are attending this event under duress by snubbing the hosts is a bad idea. Should their guests notice, you will have furnished evidence to confirm their judgment of your own marriage. She doubts that this is the effect you had in mind.
: