DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a recent law school graduate who just attended a dinner honoring a federal judge on a very special occasion. I was seated at a table filled with very important people, including one very, very important person who was also the keynote speaker.

This gentleman noticed my intimidation and responded by seating me next to him and frequently making efforts to include me in the conversation. I held up my end of the bargain as best I could by being as sparkling a conversationalist as I am able, but I recognize that I got the better end of the bargain.

I would like to thank this gracious man for helping me through an awkward social situation. I have never written such a thank you letter, however, and do not know the proper tone and content for the letter -- or whether a letter of this type is even appropriate. I would hate for him to think me a sycophant or, worse yet, secretly in search of employment.

GENTLE READER: Then don't enclose your resume. If he wants to hire you, he'll request it.

Miss Manners has no idea who your VVIP is, but she can tell you several things about him:

-- He believes in manners.

-- He comes across a great many people who do not have any.

-- He assumes that every young lawyer has an eye out for a better job.

-- He has his eye out for better young employees.

-- He would appreciate a letter expressing nothing more than your gratitude for his graciousness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend of many years' daughter is getting married this summer, a "second time around" wedding for both parties, and the same persons who were invited to her first wedding will most likely be invited to this one. My husband has already balked and said there is no way he is going to the wedding and give her another gift.

I have not said anything, as my friend has asked me to help her out with the rehearsal dinner, which will be at the couple's house, and from what I hear it is going to be an all-out wedding. Please clarify for me the proper etiquette for this situation, as I believe I will find myself in a similar situation with one of my daughters very soon.

GENTLE READER: Why do you think that etiquette has traditionally discouraged repeat, all-out weddings?

Just to be mean, Miss Manners supposes. Well, no. It is to avoid exactly the reaction this provoked in your husband.

It is not just the matter of giving a present. People who have already witnessed someone taking eternal vows she didn't keep may feel like suckers being asked to do so again.

Or they may not. Miss Manners believes that all divorces are the result of unforeseeable tragedy and subsequent weddings are final ones. It is therefore not she but the prospective wedding guests on whose tolerance a lavish event depends.

But since your husband feels that way, Miss Manners would think it a kindness for you to make a graceful excuse for him and to keep his feelings in mind when planning your daughter's wedding. A simple wedding can be just as festive and even more elegant.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my 11-year-old son eats fried eggs (sunny side up), he first separates the entire yolk with his fork and puts it in his mouth in its entirety. After the last yolk, he then eats the egg whites.

I think it's rude and that an entire yolk is too big to put in one's mouth. His mother agrees. Can you settle a family dispute?

GENTLE READER: Your son can lift out the entire yolk with a fork without breaking it? Wow. Can he -- Whoops. That's the reaction you are trying to avoid, isn't it? Miss Manners does not mean to encourage your talented son to annoy you. Etiquette does not have a specific rule against eating egg parts separately, but it does have one against upsetting your parents at the table.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have accepted the honor of being a bridesmaid in a same-sex (female) wedding. We need advice on the appropriate dress for everyone involved.

Both women are young professionals who usually dress in what is now called "business casual." Neither of them likes the idea of getting married with both of them in wedding gowns, both in tuxedos or one in each. No one else in the wedding party has come up with a good idea, and, of course, our dress will depend on theirs.

GENTLE READER: You didn't ask Miss Manners to consult tradition here, but that is what she is going to do. And not recent tradition, either.

They should dress up. This is not a casual event. But neither is it a costume party, and much of today's bridal regalia is dangerously close to resembling that. Traditionally, people simply wore their best clothes for the occasion and did not concern themselves with dressing for roles. Suits are always suitable, and Miss Manners leaves it to them whether either or both suits should have trousers or skirts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and daughter-in-law occasionally send me a selection of precooked meals from a famous company that specializes in gourmet foods. I know they mean well, and I am very appreciative of their thoughtfulness and generosity, as I live alone and work at two jobs in order to be independent and meet my living expenses. Also, I am not young, and most nights when I come home from work, I have neither the desire nor the energy to cook a decent meal for myself.

These gifts, which sometimes contain up to 12 dinners, are quite expensive, and although my son can afford such occasional gifts, I feel they are wasting their hard-earned money. The reason is that I do not care for their selection; they choose items that contain too much spice and seasoning (I have ulcers) and sometimes meat (I have high cholesterol).

I would be so grateful if they would send only vegetable dishes (this company's catalog shows nice-looking potatoes, spinach dishes, etc.), but how can I possibly tell them after all this time that I could not eat what they have sent me? Last week, I gave my dog an entire pot roast that was seasoned with garlic (which I do not like). The week before, my dog enjoyed Italian-style chicken breasts for dinner four nights in a row.

I love my son and his wife and do not want to upset them. How can I get them to continue to send me such wonderful gifts but change their selection? I do not want to appear ungrateful or presumptuous.

GENTLE READER: Your son and daughter-in-law do need some feedback, as it were, about the dinners they are sending. They need to know that you are getting proper nutrition. Miss Manners has the feeling that more than one loving motivation went into selecting this present.

What they do not need to know is that you dislike the meals. When a present is unsatisfactory, it is up to the recipient to make whatever adjustments are possible without troubling the giver. It should be a simple matter for you to call the company and change the order to something you would enjoy, and probably better for the dog, too.

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