life

There's Always Room for Gratitude

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | November 24th, 2014

Think that you have little to be thankful for this month? Haven't taken time to think about the blessings you have?

For starters, you can be grateful that you weren't one of the pilgrims who broke bread together that first Thanksgiving in 1621. I clipped these facts from the Arizona Republic years ago, just to remind myself that even on the toughest days, I have nothing to complain about. Here's what some of our ancestors encountered to come to America.

They had uprooted themselves from their lives and sailed for the New World. The journey was so hazardous that guides advised travelers to "First, make thy will." The trip was treacherous, to say the least. The Mayflower was actually blown off course, and instead of reaching Virginia, where there were Englishmen who had settled 13 years earlier, the pilgrims ended up in the wilds of Massachusetts.

When they finally found and settled In Plymouth, winter had set in. The storms were terrible, and shelter was only rudimentary. With little food, nearly all the settlers fell ill.

Within three months of settling in Plymouth, nearly half the company died from disease and starvation. "There died sometimes two or three of a day," Colonial Governor William Bradford later recalled.

Though Native Americans showed the pilgrims how to plant corn, the settlers' first crops were dismal. Soon, supplies ran out and England refused to send more. Yet they persevered. I doubt any of us has ever faced such daunting obstacles.

By comparison, our lives seem pretty manageable. Developing an attitude of gratitude takes so little effort, yet many of us need a refresher course in how to be thankful for what we have.

Thanksgiving is a time for togetherness. Take some hours to relax. Don't overschedule yourself. Build some extra time into your day so you can talk to family and friends, enjoy your meal and genuinely give thanks for being together.

Stop and take note of the things in your life that are good, instead of focusing on the current -- and often inconsequential -- things that seem to be going wrong. Take care not to fall into whining, even though we almost all do now and then. But it can become a bad habit if you don't take stock of the good things in your life once in a while.

The trick is to not take things for granted.

Sometimes this bad attitude arises from the idea that life owes us better than we are receiving. Sometimes it comes from habits we have mindlessly picked up from other people. But whining and complaining won't likely change your situation or how you feel. When you are in the midst of a pity party, you might want to try some of the following tips to remind yourself just how much you have to be thankful for.

-- Stop and smell the roses. Take some time out to acknowledge the good things in life. Take the day off and do something fun. Take a bike ride or a walk to enjoy the beauty of nature. Look at the world around you from a different angle.

-- Do something for someone else. If you are focused solely on your own problems, one of the best ways to break the cycle of negativity is to go out and do something for someone else. Volunteer at a food bank, cook dinner for an ailing neighbor or help out with a community project. The point is to change your focus and do something good for another person. These types of activities can radically change your mood and put your own situation in perspective.

-- Talk about the good things in life. Even if it feels awkward, say something positive. Break through the barrier of negativity that you are trapped in. Vow to say something positive at least once a day for a week. You likely will be surprised by the power of your own thoughts and words on your mood.

May I give you an example of the good things in my life for which I am thankful? At the top of the list is my wife and family. I'm grateful for the example my parents set for my sister and me. I am blessed with wonderful and loyal friends. I appreciate the people who have worked for me and with me over the years. I am very appreciative for the audiences I speak to and the readers of my books and columns. In short, I can always find something to be thankful for.

Mackay's Moral: Happy Thanksgiving -- and happy thanks giving.

life

Happiness Means Helping Others

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | November 17th, 2014

There is a fable about a little girl who was feeling particularly lonely and blue when she happened across a gorgeous butterfly trapped in the thorns of a blackberry bush. Taking great care not to tear its fragile wings, the girl's nimble fingers finally worked the insect free, whereupon, instead of fluttering away, it turned into a golden fairy who offered to grant any wish.

"I want to be happy!" the little girl cried.

The fairy smiled, leaned forward, whispered something in her ear and vanished. And from that day forward, there was no more happy spirit in the land than that child, who grew into a merry woman and a contented old lady. On her deathbed, her neighbors crowded around, desperate that the secret of happiness not die with her.

"Tell us, please tell us, what the fairy said to you," they pleaded.

The neighbor smiled benevolently, and whispered, "She told me that everyone -- no matter how rich or secure or self-contained or successful they might appear -- had need of me."

How true! Everyone needs to be needed. It brings tremendous satisfaction to know that you have a vital purpose in life, one that surely contributes to your happiness and contentment.

I've learned over the years that happiness comes from making other people happy. Successful people, as well as successful businesses, take great joy in finding ways to spread happiness. Why is Disneyland the "happiest place on Earth"? Is it any wonder that one of the biggest songs of the year is Pharrell Williams' "Happy"? How many Happy Meals do you think McDonald's sells? Have you ever attended a happy hour at your favorite watering hole?

Businesses that are clued in to what customers want find ways to incorporate "happy" into the sale. A new car doesn't drive any better because the dealership was decked out in balloons and offered free hot dogs. But a happy experience beats an ordinary one, most days.

Following that line of thought, it turns out that the conventional wisdom is wrong: It is possible to buy happiness -- when you spend your money on others. Researchers at the University of British Columbia and Harvard University found that people who buy gifts for others and make charitable donations report being happier than people who spend their money primarily on themselves. The scientists studied 630 Americans and asked them to rate their general happiness, their annual income and their monthly spending -- including bills, gifts for themselves, gifts for others and charitable contributions.

And again, it illustrates the point that knowing that others have need of you brightens your outlook.

Even our nation's Declaration of Independence places a premium on happiness, stating that we are "bestowed with certain unalienable rights, which among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Thomas Jefferson and company left it up to us to figure out how to pursue happiness, but I have some thoughts for you. Here's my prescription for happiness. Use it regularly and you will see wonderful results.

1. Don't let little things bother you. There is always something better to think about.

2. Keep your perspective. Put first things first and stay the course.

3. Only worry about what you can control. If you cannot do anything about a situation, worrying won't make it -- or you -- better.

4. Do your best, but understand that you can't always be a perfectionist. Don't condemn yourself or others for not achieving perfection.

5. When you are right, be gracious. When wrong, be even more gracious.

6. Trust or believe people whenever you can, and when that isn't possible, accept them at their worst and weakest. You can keep your convictions without destroying others.

7. Don't compare yourself to others, which guarantees instant misery. People are different for many reasons.

8. Brush away the chip on your shoulder so that when something happens to you that you don't like, you can take the high road.

9. Give of yourself wholeheartedly or enthusiastically. When you have nothing left to give, someone will return the favor.

10. Make happiness the aim of your life instead of bracing for life's barbs.

11. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. Others can do kind things for you, but you must be open to being happy. But don't let that stop you from trying to make others happy!

Mackay's Moral: You are only as happy as you decide to be.

life

Happiness Means Helping Others

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | November 10th, 2014

There is a fable about a little girl who was feeling particularly lonely and blue when she happened across a gorgeous butterfly trapped in the thorns of a blackberry bush. Taking great care not to tear its fragile wings, the girl's nimble fingers finally worked the insect free, whereupon, instead of fluttering away, it turned into a golden fairy who offered to grant any wish.

"I want to be happy!" the little girl cried.

The fairy smiled, leaned forward, whispered something in her ear and vanished. And from that day forward, there was no more happy spirit in the land than that child, who grew into a merry woman and a contented old lady. On her deathbed, her neighbors crowded around, desperate that the secret of happiness not die with her.

"Tell us, please tell us, what the fairy said to you," they pleaded.

The neighbor smiled benevolently, and whispered, "She told me that everyone -- no matter how rich or secure or self-contained or successful they might appear -- had need of me."

How true! Everyone needs to be needed. It brings tremendous satisfaction to know that you have a vital purpose in life, one that surely contributes to your happiness and contentment.

I've learned over the years that happiness comes from making other people happy. Successful people, as well as successful businesses, take great joy in finding ways to spread happiness. Why is Disneyland the "happiest place on Earth"? Is it any wonder that one of the biggest songs of the year is Pharrell Williams' "Happy"? How many Happy Meals do you think McDonald's sells? Have you ever attended a happy hour at your favorite watering hole?

Businesses that are clued in to what customers want find ways to incorporate "happy" into the sale. A new car doesn't drive any better because the dealership was decked out in balloons and offered free hot dogs. But a happy experience beats an ordinary one, most days.

Following that line of thought, it turns out that the conventional wisdom is wrong: It is possible to buy happiness -- when you spend your money on others. Researchers at the University of British Columbia and Harvard University found that people who buy gifts for others and make charitable donations report being happier than people who spend their money primarily on themselves. The scientists studied 630 Americans and asked them to rate their general happiness, their annual income and their monthly spending -- including bills, gifts for themselves, gifts for others and charitable contributions.

And again, it illustrates the point that knowing that others have need of you brightens your outlook.

Even our nation's Declaration of Independence places a premium on happiness, stating that we are "bestowed with certain unalienable rights, which among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Thomas Jefferson and company left it up to us to figure out how to pursue happiness, but I have some thoughts for you. Here's my prescription for happiness. Use it regularly and you will see wonderful results.

1. Don't let little things bother you. There is always something better to think about.

2. Keep your perspective. Put first things first and stay the course.

3. Only worry about what you can control. If you cannot do anything about a situation, worrying won't make it -- or you -- better.

4. Do your best, but understand that you can't always be a perfectionist. Don't condemn yourself or others for not achieving perfection.

5. When you are right, be gracious. When wrong, be even more gracious.

6. Trust or believe people whenever you can, and when that isn't possible, accept them at their worst and weakest. You can keep your convictions without destroying others.

7. Don't compare yourself to others, which guarantees instant misery. People are different for many reasons.

8. Brush away the chip on your shoulder so that when something happens to you that you don't like, you can take the high road.

9. Give of yourself wholeheartedly or enthusiastically. When you have nothing left to give, someone will return the favor.

10. Make happiness the aim of your life instead of bracing for life's barbs.

11. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. Others can do kind things for you, but you must be open to being happy. But don't let that stop you from trying to make others happy!

Mackay's Moral: You are only as happy as you decide to be.

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