DEAR ABBY: After my husband's younger brother recently passed away, the family gathered. When one group of nephews arrived in a city an hour away from us, we were invited to lunch. (The restaurant was where the nephews had first been introduced to beer by their now-deceased uncle.) My husband didn't want to go, saying it was silly to drive that far for one meal. I convinced him to go, to celebrate family ties and spend time with these nephews we seldom see.

When we arrived, one of the nephews had arranged for his friend, a Realtor who works with an estate sale agent, to attend the luncheon. This friend delivered a sales pitch to my husband, who is the administrator of his late brother's estate. I was offended. I didn't think the time or the place was appropriate. I felt the sales pitch was an intrusion.

My husband is more forgiving. He sees nothing wrong with someone seizing an opportunity when it presents itself. If it were up to me, I'd exclude that Realtor from consideration because of his insensitivity. However, my husband is considering using this agent because his youth and aggressiveness may be an advantage in selling.

Of course, it's my husband's decision, and I'll bow to whatever he decides. But now I'm wondering, am I wrong to be upset because these relatives invited this person into what was going to be our family time? -- TAKEN ABACK IN OHIO

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: I agree it may have been insensitive to turn an occasion when the tears were still wet into a business meeting. However, what's done is done, and I hope your upset has dissipated. The responsibility for settling his brother's estate now falls to your husband. If he feels that insensitive and aggressive is the way to go, leave the decision to him. (And stay out of the line of fire.)

DEAR ABBY: How do you deal with a jealous adult sibling? My sibling has never spoken of this to me. However, my sibling's partner made it clear they felt I was favored over my sibling by our parents. I discussed it with our mother. She told me they have helped dig my sibling out of the hole many times.

My sibling has since passed away. But, years later, my in-law mentioned again to me how I'm the "favorite," with details. I didn't respond, and just let the person talk about their feelings. I'm not sure what they want from me. Whether their statement is true or not, I don't think my in-law should be speaking to me about it. Of course, they would never say anything to my parents. If this person brings this topic up again, how should I respond? -- MAYBE THE FAVORITE

DEAR MAYBE: Tell your late sibling's partner you are tired of hearing it, and if they have a complaint to air, it should be made with your parents. If your sibling was irresponsible with money, the fault is not your own. You have nothing to feel guilty about, though it appears this in-law is trying to make you feel that way.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married next year and is planning for her bachelorette party. Right now, they are looking at places that have a three- or four-night minimum and would cost each person more than $500. (That's just to rent the place.) It wouldn't cover food, gifts, etc.

My friend isn't a fancy, extravagant person, so I was shocked by the length of time I'll need to take off from work and the amount of money I will have to spend. I worry if I try to (nicely) say something, it will come across as not caring about her, her wedding or doing this for her. It's not that I can't afford it, and I think I should have some time off available, but it's going to cost more than I'm comfortable with. Am I being unreasonable? I wouldn't want to not make her feel special. -- SOUR ON IT IN INDIANA

DEAR SOUR: You are not being unreasonable. You are practical, and your reasoning is sound. If your friend's bachelorette party will be more of a financial stretch than you can comfortably afford, you need to level with her, because the wedding will cost you even more. What isn't reasonable is for her to expect everyone to drop everything and blow their budgets in order for her to "feel special."

DEAR ABBY: I had a best friend I got together with weekly. She decided she needed to move away to a quieter place. Of course, I was disappointed, but I supported her decision because it was right for her. She promised me nothing would change, but we lived too far apart for our weekly visits to continue, so I hoped we would talk weekly by phone.

She canceled our last get-together, saying she was stressed and busy preparing for the move. I told her I understood, and I'd give her space and time to settle in and would wait for her call when she was ready. The call never came.

We have seen each other a few times in the years since she moved, always at her suggestion. I gently reminded her of the phone calls we used to make and mentioned getting together a few times, but I received no response. Must I just let her go? I want to tell her how much I miss her friendship, but I'm afraid it will make her feel guilty or obligated. -- GRIEVING IN CANADA

DEAR GRIEVING: Yes, you should let her go. Your friend no longer feels the tie to you that she did when the two of you lived close by. If you want to tell her how much you miss her friendship, you are entitled to do that. But please recognize that not all friendships last forever; some have an expiration date, and the one you had with her appears to be one of them.

DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You are the personification of patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR READERS: Twenty-five years ago tomorrow, I told you about a new, nationwide effort to honor and remember our nation's troops, veterans and families by seeking out and preserving their war correspondence from every conflict in U.S. history.

The response was overwhelming. The founder of this initiative, Andy Carroll, just told me that, as of this week, and on this special 25th anniversary, the archive has collected more than 200,000 war-related letters and emails. The nonprofit organization Andy created, the Center for American War Letters (CAWL), based at Chapman University in California, is still seeking correspondence.

I would like to thank those of you who have already donated letters to CAWL for sharing them, and encourage those of you who are not aware of CAWL but might have letters to contribute, to visit its website (WarLetters.us) to learn more. CAWL is especially interested in any correspondence, including emails, from younger veterans who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Over the past few months, due to extenuating circumstances, I have been spending a couple of days a month at my sister's. While there, I sometimes had the feeling that something was crawling on me, but thought it was just the idea of being somewhere other than my home.

Last time, however, I woke up during the night not only with the crawling feeling, but also the sound of buzzing in my ear. I also noticed that when I sat in the spot where I usually do, bugs were getting in my hair. Now my sister is asking me when I want to come and stay for a couple of days again. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want to deal with bugs again. What should I do? -- WARY IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WARY: What you should do is level with your sister. Explain that during the last few visits, you have felt something crawling or buzzing while you were in bed, and that you also noticed some insects getting into your hair. Your sister's home may have an infestation of some kind, which won't get any better until she calls a pest-control company.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is deceased. I have two grandsons (42 and 39) and a great-grandson (24) living with me. None are married. I do not allow overnight guests. This morning at 3, I heard a girl come upstairs from the downstairs bedroom to get another girl. I was livid. Am I wrong to give them walking papers? I've told them before this was a NO-NO. They thought I was asleep. (I was reading.) -- CAUGHT 'EM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CAUGHT 'EM: If you prefer not to have men mating like rabbits under your roof while all you have is a book, your wishes should prevail. It's your house, your rules. It's time these "naughty boys" found a place of their own, and you are within your rights to insist upon it.