DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Blake" for almost 10 years. Before we met, I was with "Kaden," the father of my kids. It was a loveless relationship. Kaden was mean and cold and often had angry outbursts.

My relationship with Blake started off as everything I ever wanted. He made me feel loved and appreciated. Ten years later, he, too, is cold. He no longer touches me (he watches porn instead) and makes no effort to show me love or appreciation. He's a good provider financially, but he thinks he doesn't have to do anything more than that.

I feel lost and hurt. I feel like Blake deceived me in the beginning, and now that he thinks I'm not going anywhere, he doesn't have to try. My self-esteem has suffered greatly. I have suggested counseling, but he refuses. Any advice will be appreciated. -- UNLOVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNLOVED: Because Blake refuses counseling doesn't mean that you couldn't benefit from it. If you go, your therapist can help you to understand why you have tolerated the treatment you have been receiving for 10 years and help you rebuild your sagging self-esteem. Counseling is the surest way to understand and break the pattern of your partner's behavior, learn what your strengths are and turn your unhappy life around. You deserve to be happy, so start working on it now.

DEAR ABBY: When I prepare for family to visit, I know I'll have to spend time with one relative who will repeat the same stories/facts/opinions ad nauseam. In the past, I have tried saying, "Oh yes, I remember you telling me that," but he just continues. He acknowledges me when I say that I've heard this one before, and then he keeps right on with the story. He does this with just about everyone, not only with me.

Must I participate in these conversations? It seems odd pretending I haven't heard the story, and telling him I've heard it doesn't stop him. He's been the same for the 30 years I've known him, so I don't think there are any cognitive issues. I'm not sure why he does this, or how important that is. My gut is telling me that he's awkward socially, inflexible and not interested in what others have to say. Any advice? -- TALK, TALK, TALK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TALK, TALK, TALK: When your egotistical relative starts one of his talking jags, wait for him to take a breath, remind him you have heard the story many times and leave the room. If it's something you haven't heard before, be grateful.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met this guy at a private event. We got to talking, and he gave me his social media information. We have been messaging each other ever since. He has been acting increasingly obsessed, and it's making me uncomfortable. He acts like we've known each other for years. I don't know how to tell him I don't want to talk to him anymore. What are your thoughts? -- RESERVED GUY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR RESERVED GUY: My thought is that because his messages are making you uncomfortable, you should respond to them slowly, briefly and then not at all. It would be kinder than ghosting him.

DEAR ABBY: My mom turns 85 this year. When my father died of congestive heart failure 10 years ago, our family had a clear understanding of Dad's wishes about the end-of-life care he wanted. We knew he didn't want "heroic measures," like a feeding tube or to be on a ventilator. Since Dad had been sick for a few years and he was open to these discussions, Mom felt confident making choices for his care when he could no longer communicate his wishes.

With Mom, it is a completely different story. She refuses to have conversations about this with my siblings and me, and accuses us of being "morbid." Although she has a will, she has made no decisions about a proxy or for her care. Do you have any suggestions for how we can help Mom feel more comfortable having these conversations and documenting her wishes? -- LOVING, NOT MORBID, DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Offer your mother resources that normalize discussions about end-of-life wishes and care. Helping to ensure that she receives the care she wants is not morbid. It is a gift to her and your family. If something happens to a loved one and they can no longer communicate for themselves, you should not have to guess what their wishes would be in a crisis.

Start with the perfect gift for Mom: "Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Life's End," a book written by Barbara Coombs Lee, the president emerita and senior adviser of Compassion & Choices. Compassion & Choices is an organization I have mentioned before in my column and to which I contribute. It offers a multitude of resources, including "My End-of-Life Decisions: An Advance Planning Guide and Toolkit." It would be a helpful starting point for a discussion with your mother. For more information, visit compassionandchoices.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced dad with two adult daughters and a 14-year-old daughter. My older daughters are learning to be responsible for themselves, and I'm proud of them. The question I need help with involves my youngest. She doesn't want to go to school. She stays awake on the phone. I have taken two of them from her, yet her mom keeps giving her phones. I have unplugged the Wi-Fi. I've tried talking to my ex about this to no avail.

I'm not perfect. I have said things I regret, but I have always loved my daughters. I have explained that my teen is pushing me away, but my ex doesn't care. My heart hurts. Must I just let go? -- HEART-HURTING DAD

DEAR DAD: Your ex-wife appears to be irresponsible in the care of your daughter. She is also attempting to alienate the girl from you. It is very important to find out why your 14-year-old doesn't want to go to school. Is she being bullied? Has she fallen so far behind that she's afraid she can't catch up? Did the COVID lockdown impair her social skills as it has many other students?

Once you know what you are dealing with, you may be able to do more than lecture her about her truancy, and that is what I am recommending. She may need counseling.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is attending a pricey college. She will be taking out the maximum of student loans, and we will slowly but surely eat through our entire savings to pay for it.

Her college hires resident assistants (RAs) to help freshmen adjust to college life. In return, the RAs receive free room and board. This would be a tremendous financial help to our family and might also allow us to pay off some of her unsubsidized loans next year.

My daughter has agreed to apply to be an RA for her junior year, but since then, she has become despondent. She says all her friends are moving off-campus and she'll be "stuck" in a freshman dorm. I am sympathetic to her concerns since the social aspect of college life is important. On the other hand, my husband and I are making tremendous sacrifices so she can go to her dream school.

She's generally outgoing, likes socializing and is temperamentally well-suited to an RA position. So, to be completely honest, I'm angry that she's viewing this opportunity as a burden rather than an opportunity to significantly improve her and our family's financial situation by taking a job that could be rewarding.

Am I wrong to ask my daughter to apply for this position? If we were a wealthy family, I would never ask, but we are not. I'm afraid she will face greater sacrifices down the road if she enters the work world with substantial debt. -- NOT MADE OF MONEY IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOT MADE OF MONEY: Although your daughter is enrolled in a pricey college, she appears to be lacking in financial acumen. If she were more mature, she would recognize that this job would benefit your entire family. Because she isn't, it is up to you and her father to impress that fact upon her.

Of course socializing in college is important, but taking the RA position won't entirely preclude that. Being an RA would give her valuable leadership experience, which could help her in the future. Many graduates remember with great fondness the resident assistants they had in college and the guidance they provided.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law constantly calls my husband and is always reminding him not to forget her. If we don't answer the phone, she'll leave a message asking, "Where is my son?" Then she'll add, "Don't forget about your mother."

I'm tired of it, and my husband won't put a stop to it. He says she's his mother and he needs to respect her. I feel like even after all these years she hasn't cut the cord, and he is still attached. Any advice? -- ANNOYED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANNOYED: Your mother-in-law appears to be insecure and to crave more attention from her son. This has nothing to do with you, so my advice is to ignore any message that isn't meant for you, and try to be less critical. If being told not to forget his mother bothered your husband, he would deal with it. Trust me on that.