DEAR ABBY: I am a proud 42-year-old gay man. I was legally married to a man for four years, but we were together for 12. In 2011, I had to make the decision to remove him from life support after a sudden traumatic illness. I remained single for six years, and then I met who I thought was a wonderful man who was 16 years younger. After the first year, he became controlling and emotionally abusive. When I ended the relationship, I felt so much freedom.

I have met someone my age who reminds me of my late husband, and we have bonded and are forming a relationship. So far, it has only been dating and spending a lot of time together. I'm scared to start something so soon, but it feels right.

When is a good time to move forward? When is a proper time to become intimate? We have both had bad relationships and respect each other's boundaries at the moment. I will never remarry, as I was entitled to survivor benefits from my late husband, and we both agree there are ways to protect each other and our financial needs other than marriage. Please help. -- IN-BETWEEN IN COLORADO

DEAR IN-BETWEEN: It seems to me that you and this new man in your life are doing everything right. You are getting to know each other and taking your time before becoming intimately involved. The proper time to advance to the next stage would be when both of you are comfortable with the idea. Communication is key in every aspect of your relationship, and it appears you are doing that already.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 36 years old and married with three children. I have two siblings I have a good relationship with. The problem is we have a half-sister two years younger than I am who doesn't know we exist. When my parents were married, my father had an affair with a married woman, and they conceived my half-sister.

My parents ultimately divorced. My father's mistress went back to her husband, and they remain married to this day. My half-sister was never told who her biological father is or that she has three half-siblings.

I have struggled my entire life with sharing this information with my half-sister because I don't want to ruin her life. My father passed away 20 years ago, so she will never have a relationship with him. My siblings also haven't been able to bring themselves to share this information with her, and I remain torn because we are close in age, look alike and have gone into similar fields of work.

I'd love to have a relationship with her. I understand she may not want to have a relationship with us and may have a lot of questions about why we waited so long to tell her. Is sharing the truth worth potentially ruining her life? -- LONGING TO SHARE

DEAR LONGING: How do you think your half-sister is going to react after finding out she has been raised with a lie? Is a potential relationship with you worth the damage it may cause between her, her mother and her stepfather? If she were in need of an organ transplant, I might feel differently. Unless the reason is something equally urgent, do not intrude.

DEAR ABBY: Eighteen years ago, I married a man so he could get health insurance and have back surgery. It was supposed to be short-lived. He fell in love with me and wouldn't leave.

He's put me through hell over the years. Stage 4 tongue cancer left him unable to work, which I didn't have an issue with. Then he started drinking and got a DUI. Because I was the sole provider, it cost me almost $10,000.

My husband is a complete SLOB and doesn't care. He has a severe sleep disorder he refuses to address. Most days, he drinks all night and sleeps until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I finally moved out, but now he's pestering me about when I'll be back. What can I do? -- TURNED THE PAGE IN ARIZONA

DEAR TURNED: Unless you want more of the same, do not go back. You have done enough of the heavy lifting. It's now time to concentrate on what is good for you and what will make you happy. Because you no longer want to live with this person, consult an attorney about how to extricate yourself from a dysfunctional relationship, which should have ended as soon as he healed from his back surgery.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 65-year-old female who has been divorced 15 years. I have no interest in dating. During the last couple of years, I have focused on my health, concentrating on diet and exercise, and I have lost 50 pounds.

Before I lost the weight, men seldom noticed me, which was fine with me. Lately, men have been looking at me, smiling and even flirting. Although this is a confidence booster, I don't want to lead anyone on.

I know it may seem weird, but I'm afraid if someone asks me out, my facial expression and response might not be cordial. I don't want to insult anyone. I believe if I memorize one or two polite, tactful responses I'll be ready for the moment. Can you suggest how to politely turn down a man who shows interest in me? -- STILL NOT INTERESTED IN IOWA

DEAR STILL NOT INTERESTED: Did your divorce leave you so disillusioned that you're not even interested in a platonic male friendship? Although I think you will prevent yourself from having some rewarding relationships, a polite way to convey that you're not interested would be: "Thank you for the compliment, but I'm off the market."

DEAR ABBY: I need an attitude adjustment. My sporty, outdoorsy, Type A daughter, who is in her 30s, dates men who are (typically) wussy, milquetoast, dead-fish handshake individuals. She's respectful toward them and doesn't bully them, nor does she mother them, try to change them to "improve" them.

How can I be less critical of her choices, and how do I respond tactfully when she asks me for my impressions of her boyfriends? -- TRYING TO CHANGE

DEAR TRYING: Tell your daughter she doesn't need your endorsement, and that if any of her suitors make her happy, you are happy for her. Then bite your tongue.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 22, and when I was in my teens, I was sheltered. I was often in trouble for something little. My phone was taken away from me for months, and I wasn't allowed to do anything besides go to school. It caused me to develop social anxiety.

I still live with my controlling mother and go only to work. I have no social life. I want to leave her, get a social life and experience new things, but every time I bring it up to her, she plays the victim and insists she needs me or belittles me and says I need her.

She does things for me as an "act of kindness," but it feels like she does it so I'll need her or it will never get done without her. I don't know how to get out of this situation. What is the best way to handle it? -- SHELTERED IN TEXAS

DEAR SHELTERED: The longer your mother can prevent you from making friends and living a normal life for a person your age, the deeper her emotional dependence on you will become.

Start saving your money until you have enough that you can find a place (with a roommate, if necessary), and then move. Do not ask for permission because your mother will give you a dozen reasons why you should postpone it. If you have other relatives who will guide you through this growth experience, reach out to them.

You weren't being "sheltered" in your teens; your wings were being systematically clipped to prevent you from becoming independent. Taking this step may feel daunting, but for your personal growth, you must find the courage to give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: On my first date with my husband, he told me his first wife was a "fox." I thought, "How would I compete?" We are married now, but he has never told me I was pretty or anything close. He's a great husband, but these things are not in his wheelhouse.

Tonight, I was watching a game show and the winner introduced his "beautiful wife." The woman had a facial deformity, but you could tell he meant what he said. It is hurtful that my husband never sees my inner beauty. We have been married 41 years now. I knew this was how he was when we married. He excuses it by saying this is the way he is. Yet I feel so very let down now. Can you comment? -- UNPRETTY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNPRETTY: I'm surprised that after your suitor's remark there was a second, third or fourth date. Why would he feel the need to describe his ex-wife to you? I will assume that in the ensuing 41 years you have told him how sad you are that he hasn't AT LEAST mentioned that he appreciates your inner beauty and finer qualities and how lucky he feels to have you as his wife.

"You knew how he was when you married him" is an excuse for his insensitivity, not an apology. I wish you would have elaborated on what makes him a great husband, because from where I sit, he's insensitive, withholding and not a very nice person.

DEAR READERS: I wish you all a happy and healthy Fourth of July. Please drive carefully and celebrate safely.

P.S. Wishing you a Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mom! -- LOVE, ABBY