DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old grandson, "Adam," doesn't talk to me. He converses with other adults, but when I walk into a room and say hi, he pretends he doesn't hear me. He does not answer questions that I ask and will sit on the floor rather than at the other end of a large sofa where I am.

He lives pretty far away, so I take small gifts when I visit every two to three months. He does come over with a smile when I am handing them out, but he never comments or says thank you. His younger brother and I get along great, so I do not pressure Adam. When I leave, I give him a quick hug and tell him I love him. The phone is useless.

He's obviously miserable when my daughter insists he speak with me. I send a short text once a month or so so he knows I care. I don't feel comfortable mentioning this to his parents, as his dad is pretty hard on him. Any suggestions? -- SAD GRAMMY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SAD GRAMMY: Yes. Adam's behavior is rude and disrespectful, but it's perhaps not his fault. I am surprised his parents haven't noticed this. Because you feel his father might be heavy-handed, mention it to his mother and ask her to find out what the problem is with Adam because, clearly, there is one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old housewife with a loving husband, a caring mother and equally supportive in-laws. I'm writing because I feel useless. I don't even have a hobby I'm good at. Although I like to play music, draw and play with cats, I don't think I'm good at any of them, despite others telling me otherwise.

My friends and family are better off than I am. My friend is participating in a skating competition, my brother is working toward becoming an electrician, and my husband's first cousin is an illustrator whose book recently got published. Because of this, I have developed low self-esteem and argue with those around me.

I can't afford college because I have no job. I tried applying for a few only to be turned down. Abby, I haven't accomplished anything special. All I want is to be good at something, but I'm afraid it will blow up in my face. I can't accept criticism.

I'm at a loss about what to do. I'm ready to give up on everything. Why should I keep trying when I know I will get the same bad results? -- TALENTLESS IN OHIO

DEAR TALENTLESS: There are many kinds of success beyond the monetary or winning prizes. As an unemployed housewife with time on your hands, why not put some of it to use by volunteering in your community?

Many places would be glad to have you. The library, schools, senior centers, veterinarian's offices or animal rescues would welcome someone. Please try it. If you do, you may find you have talents you're unaware of. An added benefit will be that the more you do, the higher your level of self-esteem will become.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a very close family, and I am the rock of the family. If someone needs help, I'm the one they come to. Recently, my nephew has been in a downward spiral because of drugs. He is now in jail.

He is only 19 and was always an amazing young man, but he started on the wrong road after witnessing his father take his own life a few years ago. When he gets out of jail, he wants to start over -- come live with me, go to rehab and begin a new life.

My problem is my fiance. He does not want to help my nephew, especially if he will be on house arrest. I know my nephew's potential, and I can't throw him away and refuse to help. How do I get my fiance to understand this without jeopardizing our relationship? -- CARING AUNT IN INDIANA

DEAR AUNT: It may be a challenge, considering the role you have assumed as "the rock of the family." What your nephew witnessed was horrific. Compounding the tragedy is the fact that he didn't receive counseling for the trauma and turned instead to drugs.

I understand your desire to take in your nephew, and I also understand your fiance's reluctance to have a substance-addicted relative under house arrest in your (and his, I assume) home.

Perhaps you could agree to a compromise. Lock up your valuables and give your nephew a temporary tryout with the understanding that if he lapses, he goes straight to rehab and a halfway house. You could then support his recovery in other ways, like helping him find a group such as Survivors of Suicide or one that supports sufferers of PTSD.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a professional travel adviser who works on commission. Many of my clients are friends or relatives, and I sincerely appreciate their patronage. Many years ago, my husband and I became friends with a delightful couple. We patronized the husband's business, and they introduced us to many of their friends. We sponsored them into a social club, and they made many new friends because of it. We have entertained them in our home numerous times for private dinners and summer pool parties.

They booked an inexpensive cruise through me once. Unfortunately, a few years ago there was a disagreement, and we prevailed. In retribution, they distanced themselves from us. They travel with many of the friends they introduced us to, and since then, the entire group arranges their travel through someone else, although they still accept our dinner and party invitations.

It's distressing that the spite of one couple has soured our relationships with two other couples who apparently feel closer to them. I consider the others to be "collateral damage," and we have distanced ourselves from them, too. Am I too sensitive? -- TRAVELING AWAY IN TEXAS

DEAR TRAVELING: I don't think so. As you stated, these people were always closer to the couple who distanced themselves from you after the disagreement than they were with you. It may be disappointing, but it isn't a big personal loss. A loss of income, yes, but that's business, and business is replaceable. It's time to start cultivating some new friends, and this time, don't mix business with pleasure, which, as you have learned the hard way, can be risky.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Lia" and her husband, "Jerry," visited his mother and stepdad, "Gil," a few months ago. Gil gave Lia an inappropriate hug, with his hand sliding to her buttocks. Lia said Gil had done this before and it made her uncomfortable. She told Jerry, and he began watching his stepdad closely when they visited.

Recently, my family and I visited Jerry's parents. Gil gave me a hug around my back, and then slid his hand down my back and grabbed my buttock with a quick squeeze! His wife was standing in front of us when he did it. I looked at her in shock. She looked down at the floor and then at me, expressionless. After I told my daughter what he had done, she told me he had done it to her as well.

My son-in-law wants to tell his mother he doesn't feel comfortable leaving his young daughters at their house. I know Lia and I should have said something when it happened, but we were caught off guard and didn't call him on it. How do you think this should be handled? -- CAUGHT OFF GUARD

DEAR CAUGHT OFF GUARD: Your daughter was right to tell her husband what his stepdad has been doing, and you should tell him, too, if you haven't already done it. Gil's behavior is extremely inappropriate. It's interesting that he doesn't discriminate -- any buttock within reach appears to be fair game.

You, your daughter and Jerry need to explain that fact to Jerry's mother and her husband. From now on, it makes sense that Jerry's mother should visit her little granddaughters at Lia and Jerry's without her spouse.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school senior who has dated a girl off and on. The first time, we didn't have a ton in common, but we enjoyed each other's company. She liked another guy, so after about three months, she broke up with me. I was OK with it.

This year, I started hanging out with her again. We started kissing right away. She found someone online that she somehow got attracted to within a matter of hours, and two days later I was dumped again. Her parents took her phone away the next day. She now says she regrets dumping me and I'm always on her mind at some point in the day.

She doesn't have high self-esteem or self-confidence. I think she feels disconnected because of her many years of homeschooling. She's also extremely depressed, I can tell that much. She has been talking to a therapist for a year, but it hasn't helped, and she's trying another one soon.

I don't know how to help her or whether I should date her again. I love her, though, and I want to know her better, but we are both confused. I worry I'm not a good fit for her even if we are attracted. Please tell me how I can help her. -- BOY IN LOVE IN GEORGIA

DEAR BOY IN LOVE: You are right that the girl you're describing is "confused." She's not ready for a relationship with anyone at this point. Before you can help her, it is important that you help yourself by recognizing that her problems are more complicated than you can deal with.

This is not a reflection on you. Caring for her -- loving her -- is not enough. For your sake, take a step back. Be the friend she needs but do not count on her for anything more until she has dealt with the issues that challenge her.