DEAR ABBY: I have an older sister I'll call "Vicky," who has been a hypochondriac for as long as I can remember. Every sniffle, cough or sneeze is always a dayslong or weekslong complain-a-thon about how sick she is, and sometimes these illnesses or injuries are simply invented for attention.

While this has always been annoying, it was fairly easy to brush it off -- until after I married. My husband, "Jay," a wonderful man, is chronically ill. Like many chronically ill individuals, his life is filled with doctors' appointments, various treatment plans, trying new medications and a lot of financial stress around how to pay for it all.

Through it all, Jay perseveres. He goes to work, cares for me and our animals and does his best to live a full, joyous life. Watching my husband suffer has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. He is strong and brave, and now that I see how chronically ill people struggle to live a normal day, my sister and her fake issues have gone from bothersome to infuriating.

The truth is, she has no idea what these wonderful, strong humans endure on a day-to-day basis, and the fact that she hijacks that struggle for her own purposes makes my blood boil. I know hypochondria is an issue on its own, but she refuses to acknowledge it, let alone seek treatment for it.

How can I maintain a relationship with someone whose behavior, in my opinion, is extremely selfish? She has been confronted, but she just won't stop. -- SEES REAL ILLNESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SEES: According to the DSM-5, published by the American Psychiatric Association, your sister may suffer from "illness ANXIETY disorder." (The caps are mine.) She may not be seeking attention or trying to divert it away from your husband and his daily struggles; she may be genuinely fearful and distressed.

If interacting with her as often as you do is as upsetting as you indicate, for your own mental health, consider talking to or seeing her less often. Confronting her is not the answer; a licensed psychotherapist may be -- if she would admit she may need one.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I started a group dinner for the wives of my husband's poker buddies. It started out well. However, a newer member of the group has instigated praying in the restaurant, including holding hands while we do it. This is not my style, nor is it for some of the others.

We feel we are being held hostage to her request, and we're not sure how to put a stop to this display. I'm private about my spiritual life, and another group member is agnostic. Can you please advise me on a tactful way to address this dear woman? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Tell the dear, deeply religious woman that you are very private about your spirituality, and at least one other member of the group is agnostic. Then suggest it would be appreciated if she kept her devotions silent and contactless when you are in a public place. (Could she be praying for her husband to win?)

DEAR ABBY: I am 76. My husband and I planned our final wishes for cremation because I have had a lifelong fear of being buried underground. My children from my first marriage are Jewish and very much against cremation. When I told them my wishes, they attacked me with a barrage of negatives about cremation, such as, "You won't go to heaven," "You won't see your deceased mother or grandson in heaven," "We won't be able to say kaddish for you," etc., so I immediately changed my plans. My husband and I purchased side-by-side crypts, thinking it was an acceptable alternative.

I was wrong. For the last month, they have continued to push me to change to a regular burial. I finally had enough and told them to respect my choices and never discuss this with me again. So now, no contact at all except an occasional text from my grandchildren. Any advice or help would be appreciated. -- UNHAPPY IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNHAPPY: I assume from your letter that you are neither a conservative nor an orthodox Jew. Because your question involves Jewish law (which is outside my area of expertise), I ran your question by the most brilliant rabbi I know, Rabbi Elliot Dorff, who teaches at the American Jewish University in Los Angeles. In part, this is what he had to say:

"The prohibition against cremation comes from the belief that your body belongs to God, not to you personally. It's not unlike renting an apartment. Part of the lease agreement is that you will not destroy or harm the property before you cease residency. (There is no restriction on piercing, which was practiced by Jewish women and men from the time of the exodus from Egypt. As for tattooing, the restriction against it goes back to the days when the Jews were fighting with the Canaanites, who used tattooing in their religious rites.)

"The restriction regarding cremation came about because of the belief that it is actively destroying God's property. According to the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards, cremation is prohibited, but if people do that their cremains may be buried in a Jewish cemetery -- but, unlike what your children are threatening, it has nothing to do with what happens after death. There are differences on this subject. Nobody knows what happens after death, not even rabbis. Jewish people have a positive commandment to save a life. Organ donation would be an example of this. Although it might be considered 'damaging a body,' saving a life takes precedence."

Rabbi Dorff said your children need to know there's a disagreement among rabbis as to whether interment in a mausoleum is equivalent to burial in the ground. So, cremation may be "out" for you, but you can be laid to rest next to your husband in a crypt. What is of utmost importance is that your relationship with your children be restored. In the precious time you are on this side of the sod, you and your children need to be able to love and enjoy each other. Weapons like threats and blackmail should not be used.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is an attention-seeker. She's very loud and talks in a baby voice so that everyone looks at her. She made my wedding shower and, years later, my baby shower all about her and the gifts she gave. Not only did it take the spotlight from my husband and me, but it made other family members' gifts or contributions seem inadequate. She always has to give the biggest and best (while letting everyone know) and distract from other people's special moments.

My daughter is being married in a year and a half. She has already told me she doesn't want Grandma "Dorothy" to come dress shopping because she doesn't want to be embarrassed, but she does want my mom and her fiance's mom and grandmother to be there. I have told her that she has to invite Grandma Dorothy.

I do love my mother-in-law, and I want her to come to all of the festivities. The problem is she gets irrationally mad if you ask her to modify her behavior in any way. My question is, how do I ask her to reel it in without offending her or making her mad? My husband's solution is to ignore his mother's behavior. -- CRINGING IN MISSOURI

DEAR CRINGING: It's time to step out of the way on this matter. You seem to have forgotten that this upcoming wedding is not your wedding, but your daughter's. Her wishes about who should attend what should prevail. If she understands the ramifications of excluding Grandma Dorothy and is willing to forgo the lavish gifts and contributions her grandmother bestows, then that should be her privilege. Further, the person who conveys that message should be your daughter, not you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been separated for six months due to verbal abuse, physical abuse (both of us) and financial dishonesty and abuse (him). We have worked to better ourselves, and the separation has helped us realize that we do love each other and are committed to changing our ways.

I was preparing to move back home, and I informed him that I am going to go on a trip before a required medical procedure. I will be spending the summer recovering from this procedure, and I want to do something fun before I'm laid up for the next several months. I plan to go with my brother, his wife and another sister-in-law. My husband feels it is disrespectful for me to go on this trip. He said that if I go, I should expect divorce papers. Thoughts? -- BIG DECISION IN MONTANA

DEAR BIG DECISION: If your husband feels your going on the trip is disrespectful to him because he wasn't invited, go without him and make other arrangements for your recuperation. Someone who has worked successfully to better himself does not give ultimatums like the one he has given you. If you skip the trip, this is only the beginning of how he will threaten you in the future. Love him, if you will, but do not reunite with him.