DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married nine years. He unexpectedly left me when COVID first hit. We were apart for a year and eight months and ended up divorcing. I filed because, even though I didn't want to believe it, I eventually accepted that it was over. Even though he hadn't actually filed the papers, he had taken all other necessary steps. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt this level of heartbreak.

After time passed, he reached out and wanted to reconcile. We've been back together ever since, and he has asked me to get remarried. I happily agreed because he has been in therapy and made amazing changes.

My friends have mixed feelings about our remarrying. They saw how devastated I was when he left and how hard I worked to pick myself up and start over. We didn't have a wedding our first time, so this time we are planning to have one. The date is set and the venue is booked. I have all these feelings of excitement, but it's hard to share them because they get dismissed or there's a snide comment from my friends.

They were there for me when we split up, and I understand their hesitation. They don't want me hurt again. But it's starting to hurt my feelings and makes me question if having a wedding is advisable. -- HAPPY BUT CONFLICTED

DEAR HAPPY BUT CONFLICTED: The date is set, the venue is booked and you are happy. The next time any of your friends makes a sarcastic comment, tell them you don't appreciate it and you aren't going to change your plans. Tell them they are on the guest list, but if they can't attend your wedding and wish you a happy future, they're free to send their regrets. They may be protective, but at this point, they need to ease up on their resentment and give you both a chance to start over.

DEAR ABBY: One of my dear friends is Christian. She knows I'm Jewish. I don't expect her to acknowledge many of the Jewish holidays because I'm sure she's unfamiliar with them. However, Hanukkah is ubiquitous, and it would be nice if she would wish me a "Happy Hanukkah."

Every year, she wishes me a "Merry Christmas," buys me a Christmas gift and a Christmas card. She's a truly nice person, and I don't think she's deliberately being dismissive or insensitive. I have mentioned this to her several times over the years, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Without insulting her or seeming ungrateful, how can I let her know this bothers me? -- OBSERVANT IN OHIO

DEAR OBSERVANT: If she's a dear friend, she's not likely trying to upset you. A month before the beginning of Hanukkah this year, "remind" her that you do not celebrate the Christian holiday of Christmas. It should allow her enough time to find a suitable card for you. If she forgets after that, do not exile her into the wilderness, but forgive her.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I play on a pool team. About a year ago, the team captain looked at my wife and said, "So, can I play with your lower private area?" (He didn't use those words.) My wife, who is very shy, was shocked.

He has made dumb comments before, and I've warned him several times. This time when I told him, he was dumb enough to invite me outside. I slapped him around a bit. We are both big guys. I'm 6-foot-4, 300 pounds. He's as tall, maybe a few pounds lighter.

Now the members of the league here have shunned my wife and me. Was I wrong? Should I have let that guy talk to my wife like that? -- SECOND-GUESSING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: Violence is never the answer. You and your wife should have left as soon as those words were uttered. As for the rest of the league shunning you, I think it's time you found another league to play pool with -- one with nice people to compete with, rather than animals.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine just passed away, and while I was visiting with my daughter, I mentioned it. My daughter's response to the sad news was, "I don't care. I didn't know them!" I told her I thought her response was rude.

When they were young, I always taught my children to treat others the way you expect them to treat you, and if you don't have something nice to say, say nothing. When I heard what she said, I felt I had failed in my duty as a parent to teach her the values my parents instilled in me.

Maybe, since I'm sad for the loss of my friend, I took what she said wrong. Any advice on how I should approach this with my daughter would be greatly appreciated. -- FEELING LIKE A FAILURE

DEAR FEELING: Your daughter appears to lack any sense of empathy. What she said was unkind and dismissive. She may be self-centered, or was annoyed with you or about something else going on in her life when she said it. You have every right to tell her how her comment affected you at a time when you were feeling vulnerable. But don't blame yourself for your daughter's insensitivity. That's on her, not you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a loving husband of a wonderful wife of 40-plus years, but I have one issue with her that I can't understand. If I mention, in a very carefully worded manner, something she does that annoys me, she retaliates by bringing up things from decades in the past about me.

I have corrected my past behaviors, but she seems to use this as a way of "twisting the knife," knowing it hurts me. I have tried explaining this to her, but she still does it. Do I just ignore her annoying behavior? Is this her defensive way of getting back at me? What should I do? -- WOUNDED IN COLORADO

DEAR WOUNDED: Your wife is not getting back at you for anything. What she is doing is avoiding owning up to the fact that something she does annoys you instead of apologizing or correcting it. Remember the saying "the best defense is a strong offense"? This is an example of it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 45-year-old woman who has been dating "Ben" (53) for two years. We have known each other for more than 20. He treats me like a queen. Prior to our dating, he had a girlfriend he used to confide in me about. I was very jealous of her. She knew we were friends, so she made a point of posting lots of pictures of their PDAs on his social media, since we did not follow each other.

Fast-forward two years: Abby, I cannot stop obsessing over her! I think about her constantly and compare myself to her. I stalk her social media page. Ben has never given me a reason not to trust him, so why am I still bothered by her?

She has moved on and is in another relationship. How can I finally quit obsessing about her and move forward? I don't feel this way about his other exes, but for some reason, this one gets under my skin. I don't want him to find out what I have been doing. I really need help. Any advice? -- INSECURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR INSECURE: In light of the fact that your boyfriend's ex is happily in another relationship, this obsession is really a waste of your time and energy. Although you may still feel threatened, the woman is no longer your competition. Whether your issue is insecurity or lack of self-esteem, it's time to wake up and recognize that Ben chose you over her. If you can't accept that and relax, you may need to discuss it with a licensed psychotherapist for help to stop cyberstalking her. She may be a part of your boyfriend's past, but please do not continue making her part of your present.

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren, and we feel strongly about the importance of a college education. When the first one graduated from high school, we gave him $500 for graduation, plus an additional $1,500 to be used for college-related expenses. He had already indicated that he was enrolling in college.

When the second one graduated, we gave him a $500 graduation gift. Because he had committed to joining the Navy, we assured him that he would also receive $1,500 if and when he enrolled in college. Since then, we have been accused of not respecting his career choice, showing favoritism and other accusations too numerous to list here.

Are we ogres for wanting and encouraging our grandchildren to attend college? We'd like your opinion. -- WELL-MEANING IN THE WEST

DEAR WELL-MEANING: Your mistake has been not taking into consideration that your grandchildren are individuals. Your second grandson is likely to find his career path as part of his military service. One could argue that you are favoring the grandchild who is following the career path you are biased toward, and from that perspective, it does appear you are playing favorites. You may want to rethink what you are doing. Your Navy-bound grandson may have a need for that money at some point.