DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine just passed away, and while I was visiting with my daughter, I mentioned it. My daughter's response to the sad news was, "I don't care. I didn't know them!" I told her I thought her response was rude.

When they were young, I always taught my children to treat others the way you expect them to treat you, and if you don't have something nice to say, say nothing. When I heard what she said, I felt I had failed in my duty as a parent to teach her the values my parents instilled in me.

Maybe, since I'm sad for the loss of my friend, I took what she said wrong. Any advice on how I should approach this with my daughter would be greatly appreciated. -- FEELING LIKE A FAILURE

DEAR FEELING: Your daughter appears to lack any sense of empathy. What she said was unkind and dismissive. She may be self-centered, or was annoyed with you or about something else going on in her life when she said it. You have every right to tell her how her comment affected you at a time when you were feeling vulnerable. But don't blame yourself for your daughter's insensitivity. That's on her, not you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I play on a pool team. About a year ago, the team captain looked at my wife and said, "So, can I play with your lower private area?" (He didn't use those words.) My wife, who is very shy, was shocked.

He has made dumb comments before, and I've warned him several times. This time when I told him, he was dumb enough to invite me outside. I slapped him around a bit. We are both big guys. I'm 6-foot-4, 300 pounds. He's as tall, maybe a few pounds lighter.

Now the members of the league here have shunned my wife and me. Was I wrong? Should I have let that guy talk to my wife like that? -- SECOND-GUESSING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: Violence is never the answer. You and your wife should have left as soon as those words were uttered. As for the rest of the league shunning you, I think it's time you found another league to play pool with -- one with nice people to compete with, rather than animals.

DEAR ABBY: I am a loving husband of a wonderful wife of 40-plus years, but I have one issue with her that I can't understand. If I mention, in a very carefully worded manner, something she does that annoys me, she retaliates by bringing up things from decades in the past about me.

I have corrected my past behaviors, but she seems to use this as a way of "twisting the knife," knowing it hurts me. I have tried explaining this to her, but she still does it. Do I just ignore her annoying behavior? Is this her defensive way of getting back at me? What should I do? -- WOUNDED IN COLORADO

DEAR WOUNDED: Your wife is not getting back at you for anything. What she is doing is avoiding owning up to the fact that something she does annoys you instead of apologizing or correcting it. Remember the saying "the best defense is a strong offense"? This is an example of it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 45-year-old woman who has been dating "Ben" (53) for two years. We have known each other for more than 20. He treats me like a queen. Prior to our dating, he had a girlfriend he used to confide in me about. I was very jealous of her. She knew we were friends, so she made a point of posting lots of pictures of their PDAs on his social media, since we did not follow each other.

Fast-forward two years: Abby, I cannot stop obsessing over her! I think about her constantly and compare myself to her. I stalk her social media page. Ben has never given me a reason not to trust him, so why am I still bothered by her?

She has moved on and is in another relationship. How can I finally quit obsessing about her and move forward? I don't feel this way about his other exes, but for some reason, this one gets under my skin. I don't want him to find out what I have been doing. I really need help. Any advice? -- INSECURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR INSECURE: In light of the fact that your boyfriend's ex is happily in another relationship, this obsession is really a waste of your time and energy. Although you may still feel threatened, the woman is no longer your competition. Whether your issue is insecurity or lack of self-esteem, it's time to wake up and recognize that Ben chose you over her. If you can't accept that and relax, you may need to discuss it with a licensed psychotherapist for help to stop cyberstalking her. She may be a part of your boyfriend's past, but please do not continue making her part of your present.

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren, and we feel strongly about the importance of a college education. When the first one graduated from high school, we gave him $500 for graduation, plus an additional $1,500 to be used for college-related expenses. He had already indicated that he was enrolling in college.

When the second one graduated, we gave him a $500 graduation gift. Because he had committed to joining the Navy, we assured him that he would also receive $1,500 if and when he enrolled in college. Since then, we have been accused of not respecting his career choice, showing favoritism and other accusations too numerous to list here.

Are we ogres for wanting and encouraging our grandchildren to attend college? We'd like your opinion. -- WELL-MEANING IN THE WEST

DEAR WELL-MEANING: Your mistake has been not taking into consideration that your grandchildren are individuals. Your second grandson is likely to find his career path as part of his military service. One could argue that you are favoring the grandchild who is following the career path you are biased toward, and from that perspective, it does appear you are playing favorites. You may want to rethink what you are doing. Your Navy-bound grandson may have a need for that money at some point.

DEAR ABBY: My narcissistic father feels entitled to do whatever he pleases. He has always insisted that since he makes the money, far more than my mother's income, he should be waited on and cleaned up after. If he stays in my home, he leaves messes everywhere. He's 70, but he acts like a 4-year-old.

He loves attention and will do anything to be the center of it, whether it's wearing a kilt or showing off his intellectual prowess. I have no relationship with him, and I'm OK with that. Mom complains constantly about him, and then defends him. It's emotionally exhausting.

My husband, our kids and I are appalled at his lack of self-awareness, empathy or caring. He makes going on vacation a nightmare. He feels that if he does all the driving, then he's done his part and refuses to help with anything else. He is difficult and manipulative.

He's getting worse as he gets older, and I no longer want to subject my family to this. My mother doesn't seem to understand this. How do I deal with a narcissistic father and a mother who refuses to acknowledge it and constantly makes excuses for him? -- EXASPERATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EXASPERATED: One way to deal with it would be to stop taking vacations with them, since the vacations seem to be anything but pleasant for you and your family. Try to avoid him as often as you can. When your mother complains about "Dad," point out that this is the prize she married and you are tired of hearing her complain since she won't assert herself. Then change the subject when she brings it up.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is emerging from a painful two-year-long divorce, during which his two teenage daughters and one grown daughter became estranged from him. His now-ex-wife overshared with them during the divorce and did everything she could to prevent them from seeing him, despite court orders for him to have joint custody, visitation and therapy.

My brother isn't perfect, but he loves his girls and wants them in his life. He's slowly making progress with one of his minor daughters. My problem is his ex has caused them to shun the rest of their paternal relatives. My two sisters (their aunts) and I are pained by the loss of those relationships.

We still reach out at holidays and birthdays with texts, gifts and well wishes, but we receive no response, not even a polite "thank you." Because we stood by our brother during a terrible experience, we are "guilty by association." Should we continue reaching out or leave them alone until they are ready to have a relationship with us again? -- VICTIM OF DIVORCE

DEAR VICTIM: I don't think you should continue sending gifts that go unacknowledged. However, leave the lines of communication open by sending cards to your nieces on appropriate occasions. If you haven't discussed this with your brother, I recommend you do, and take your lead from him.