DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 39 years to a kind, supportive and loving man. We are both retired. He stays fit with daily exercise, reads, keeps track of our financials and is fun to be with. However, he's a high-functioning alcoholic. His personality bends to unsavory during most of the evening hours. He will never go to counseling, and support groups for me are not close by.

He was always the breadwinner and provided a good income for our family. He was also a good father to our two sons. (I suspect that our 34-year-old son may also be an alcoholic.) Over the years, I have gone from compassionate to furious about my husband's drinking. He often hides how much he consumes. I never know if it's just the two to three nightly beers or the hidden bottle of wine or whiskey in the trash. I recently discovered he also has been smoking pot.

I used to be a social person. We have the opportunity to travel, but it was disastrous in the past. How should a wife deal with an alcoholic in the home? -- OVERWHELMED IN FLORIDA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: You can't fix your husband. Only he can do that if he's motivated. A spouse like you should join a support group for the families of alcoholics. If one isn't geographically convenient, understand that meetings are also offered online and can provide help and support.

Consider asserting some independence and stop allowing your husband's problem to isolate you. Pursue some of your own interests. Because you would like to travel, join a group and go without him. It could provide a much-needed break from the stress you are experiencing.

I hope you realize that at some point you will have to decide whether you are willing to spend the rest of your life hunkered down to avoid the nastiness of a belligerent drunk every evening. If not, you can talk to a lawyer about a separation. But that may be a discussion for another day.

DEAR ABBY: I had a very good relationship with my daughter-in-law. In fact, I treated her like my own daughter and showered her with gifts. People told me she'd been gossiping about me and saying how much she dislikes me. I feel betrayed, so I have distanced myself from her and no longer want her near me.

Am I a vindictive mother-in-law? I love my grandson, but I need my privacy, too. What will I do during holidays when family needs to get together? I no longer trust her, and I cannot wear a fake smile. Am I overreacting? -- DISILLUSIONED IN THE WEST

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: If what you were told about your daughter-in-law is true, you are not overreacting. However, you won't know if the information is accurate or in what context something may have been said until you have been told by her. This is why you need to have a face-to-face conversation in which you ask directly if what you heard was true and if you have done something that upset her. Then listen.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-something single gay man. My parents are older and have a strained marriage. They no longer have a relationship but stay together. I live with them because of money issues, and they sometimes need assistance. I do not have the ability to bring friends or dates over, and I feel as if my mental health is being affected because of this, among other things.

I own the house we live in, but because my folks are helping me, I feel I can't tell them to leave. They irritate me to no end, and I feel awful about that. What can I do to encourage them to leave me alone? -- FRUSTRATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You and your parents are all adults. In a sense, your relationship with them now is its own "marriage of convenience." You are overdue for a frank conversation with your parents about boundaries and privacy. You should be able to entertain friends, and your folks should give you the space to do it. You should also care less what they think about the way you conduct your life. You are a big boy now, and as an adult, you can do what you like.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a conflict with my 27-year-old daughter over watching my grandson. She thinks I should watch him every day because I don't have a life and she wants to live hers. I love my grandson, but I'm 54 and have medical issues. I had a heart attack last year on top of having diabetes and back pain. I'm not employed, but I tire easily.

I told her I want to see him when it's convenient for me and, if she asks ahead of time, I will watch him -- but not all the time. I believe it's up to her and the father, who is unreliable about watching him. Now when I ask to pick him up at school, unless I'm keeping him for a while, she refuses. I'm the only grandmother in his life, but she wants to keep me from him unless it's on her terms. What is your opinion on this? -- CONFLICTED GRAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR GRAN: My opinion is your daughter is attempting to blackmail you, and you should stand your ground. She is frustrated that her child's father is unreliable, and she is looking for someone to share her responsibility. For the sake of your health, please don't let it be you.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a separated married man for six months. He said he wanted a committed relationship with me, but after two months, he decided he still wanted to have sex with his wife occasionally. I assumed he'd be with her, like, maybe once a month or once every three months. He told me I would be his primary girl. Well, I found out that she, not I, was primary.

I have cut it off with him and am now moving on, but he still wants to be friends. At first, I did too. But now, when I look back at the betrayal, I no longer want to be his friend. Am I wrong? Should I continue the friendship? -- SECOND PLACE IN MARYLAND

DEAR SECOND PLACE: No, and NO!

DEAR ABBY: I recently was told that my late father-in-law was a serial child abuser who molested his daughter and at least two of his grandchildren. My husband loved and deeply respected his parents. Should I tell my husband this information? Should I ask my grown son if he was also molested as his cousins were? I don't want to "rock the boat," but I want to do what is best for my son, and I'm not used to keeping things from my husband. -- WISH I DIDN'T KNOW

DEAR WISH: Who gave you this information, and why? Was it a credible source? Were your late father-in-law's alleged crimes reported to the authorities? If you trust your source, by all means, talk to your son and ask if his grandfather ever did anything that made him uncomfortable. Why would you keep this from your husband? Tell him what you were told and by whom.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Gene" passed away a few months ago. He had been in and out of the hospital for most of 2022. He had four children, and while he wasn't close to them, he tried to have a relationship with them. One child lived in the same town but wanted nothing to do with him. When they found out Gene was dying, they all wanted to know what they were getting. Gene's last wish was that they not be informed about his death. I felt I owed it to him to honor his wishes.

Prior to his passing, his oldest child was saying what a horrible father he was. Now my brother is gone, and she's mad she "didn't get to grieve" and posting nasty things about me on social media. I won't stoop to her level and respond. Gene quit talking to all of them four months before his death. Was I wrong for not telling them? -- HONORING MY BROTHER

DEAR HONORING: No, you were not wrong. You honored your brother's wishes. It is sad that his children didn't have a chance to mend fences with their father before his passing, but they will have the rest of their lives to grieve -- if you can call frustration over not inheriting anything "grieving."

DEAR ABBY: I'm bipolar, and my best forever friend is in her third physically abusive relationship. After he moved in with her I told her I had to end the friendship because he also has mental health issues and carries a gun. I'm afraid for her safety.

Because I survived and left my own abuser, I take my safety seriously. Another friend says I should be there for her. I did tell her police officer granddaughter about the abuse. Should I stay or should I go? -- FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FRIENDSHIP CHALLENGE: Do not allow anyone to guilt you into putting yourself into a dangerous situation. Assure your friend that once this risky romance ends, if she's still in one piece, you will be there for her. You did the right thing by alerting your friend's granddaughter that her grandmother might be in danger. The woman may need counseling so she won't continue getting into abusive relationships.