DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 39 years to a kind, supportive and loving man. We are both retired. He stays fit with daily exercise, reads, keeps track of our financials and is fun to be with. However, he's a high-functioning alcoholic. His personality bends to unsavory during most of the evening hours. He will never go to counseling, and support groups for me are not close by.
He was always the breadwinner and provided a good income for our family. He was also a good father to our two sons. (I suspect that our 34-year-old son may also be an alcoholic.) Over the years, I have gone from compassionate to furious about my husband's drinking. He often hides how much he consumes. I never know if it's just the two to three nightly beers or the hidden bottle of wine or whiskey in the trash. I recently discovered he also has been smoking pot.
I used to be a social person. We have the opportunity to travel, but it was disastrous in the past. How should a wife deal with an alcoholic in the home? -- OVERWHELMED IN FLORIDA
DEAR OVERWHELMED: You can't fix your husband. Only he can do that if he's motivated. A spouse like you should join a support group for the families of alcoholics. If one isn't geographically convenient, understand that meetings are also offered online and can provide help and support.
Consider asserting some independence and stop allowing your husband's problem to isolate you. Pursue some of your own interests. Because you would like to travel, join a group and go without him. It could provide a much-needed break from the stress you are experiencing.
I hope you realize that at some point you will have to decide whether you are willing to spend the rest of your life hunkered down to avoid the nastiness of a belligerent drunk every evening. If not, you can talk to a lawyer about a separation. But that may be a discussion for another day.