DEAR ABBY: Our daughter-in-law has stolen Adderall from our house on three separate occasions. My husband and I reluctantly suspected her after the second occurrence. Last weekend she was here again, and the pill bottle with eight pills in it was on my bathroom counter. When she left, four of them were missing.

What do I do with this information? I'm afraid if I confront her, she will alienate our son and grandkids from us. Do we talk to our son? We're afraid he will be angry with us for blaming her. Or should I say nothing and buy a small safe for medications? I feel like it's a no-win situation, but at the end of the day, I'm concerned she has a substance abuse problem. I don't think she would normally steal things. -- TAKEN FROM IN TEXAS

DEAR TAKEN FROM: Talk to your son in as non-accusatory a manner as you can manage. He should know that his wife may have a prescription drug problem and may be in need of help. You may also need to keep your eyes open regarding whether your daughter-in-law has been taking other items of yours. I think your idea about buying a small safe for your medications is an excellent one. Children like to explore, and sometimes houseguests have been known to explore their hosts' medicine cabinets.

DEAR ABBY: I used to have a good relationship with my brother-in-law "Anthony." I hosted his birthdays and invited him for dinners on a regular basis. I would make sure to prepare his favorite dishes and pack him doggie bags for lunch the next day. When the other siblings visit, I host dinner for everyone.

Recently, Anthony sent a dinner invitation and said he will be serving only one dish, with no other options. Then he added that since I'm allergic to this dish, perhaps I would prefer to bring my own food. I was so put off that I have stopped hosting dinners at my home. Am I right to feel this way? -- SEETHING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SEETHING: You are entitled to your feelings, but if you enjoy hosting dinners for your relatives, I would hate to see you cut off your nose to spite your face. Wouldn't a more effective way to deal with Anthony be to tell him how his last invitation affected you in light of the fact that you have so generously provided for him in the past? It was extremely inconsiderate to have served a dish that he knew one of his guests might be allergic to.

DEAR ABBY: How does one prepare and support a family member who has been given a cancer death sentence? It was announced just over a week ago. We are a large, strongly united family, and this has hit us hard. -- DEVASTATED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DEVASTATED: Take your cues from the person who received the diagnosis because everyone deals with their mortality in their own way. Offer to be supportive in any way you can, and check in often so you can support the spouse (if there is one) and each other. You are lucky to be a strongly united large family because it will enable you to divide the responsibilities among you if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently confided that his fiancee is pregnant with our first grandchild. He asked me not to share this information with my wife, his mother. He knew she would be upset because he was in the process of breaking up with his fiancee. I told him I would keep his confidence for a short while, but that he should please tell Mom soon.

Two weeks went by before my son finally told his mom about the pregnancy. She was shocked. On the way home, she asked if I had known about it. Well, my life flashed before my eyes. I couldn't lie, so I admitted I knew. She became furious with me and said I should have prepared her for this news and had thrown her under the bus. A big argument followed. Was I wrong to keep my son's confidence? -- IN RETROSPECT IN GEORGIA

DEAR IN RETROSPECT: No, you were not wrong. Because you were asked to keep this in confidence, it was not "your" news to share. Your adult son asked you to keep this to yourself, and it would have been wrong to betray it before he was ready to tell his mother himself. Even if he breaks up with his partner, that baby will be a part of all of your lives for the foreseeable future. Move forward and put this spat to rest.

DEAR ABBY: After 17 years, my hubby and I separated. He met someone else and fell head over heels for her. Now he's back, but life with him is so different. He shows me no affection, no caring, never a passionate kiss. Our relationship is not the way it used to be.

There is no talking with him, and he calls me all sorts of names -- something he never did before. He tells me he loves me, but he doesn't demonstrate it. When he comes to bed he sleeps at the edge of the bed with no cuddling or sex. What is a woman to do? I truly love him. -- CRYING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CRYING: It appears your husband may not have returned to you willingly. Tell him you can no longer live the way you have been and offer him the "option" of marriage counseling to see if your very sick relationship can be put back on track. If the answer is no, as much as you love him, rather than continue tolerating the emotional abuse you are experiencing, get the heck out of that "marriage."

DEAR ABBY: My husband's father is an alcoholic who lives with my husband and me and our two teens. I buy and prepare his food, put gas in his car and buy his alcohol. I even take his dog out. (If I don't, he lets the dog pee in my house and destroy the wood floors.) When he drinks, he gets angry and threatens my husband and me. He let his dog defecate in my driveway one day and then proceeded to come after us. When I finally had enough of his badgering, I picked it up and put it on the hood of his car. Was I wrong? -- LIVING WITH THE DEVIL

DEAR LIVING: I think so, but what does your husband think about all of this? Is he so used to Dear Old Dad's antics that he accepts them as normal? A way to put an end to your father-in-law's abuse would be to stop buying the gas and his booze. Of course, he won't like that, but if he becomes threatening when he's loaded, it's the only way short of evicting him to protect yourself and your teenagers from his outbursts.

DEAR ABBY: My son will celebrate his 40th birthday soon. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 15 and basically lost the years between 15 and 21. Thankfully, at 21, he was given medication that changed his life, and he has been well ever since.

He has always wanted a wife and family. Even when he was in his worst mental state, that one desire prevailed. But other than when he was 15, he has never been on a date. I have encouraged him to try a dating service or two, but his lack of self-confidence keeps him from trying. He told me he has never had a real conversation with a woman. His work also keeps him isolated. Still, he insists he very much wants to be dating by the time he hits 40. Any suggestions? -- MOM WHO CARES IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: I do have a couple. Encourage your son to join groups centered around subjects or activities he might be interested in. Whether he meets the love of his life in one of them is beside the point. It will provide him the opportunity to talk with people of the opposite sex and sharpen his social skills.

It might also benefit you to research an organization called NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org). This group, which has been in existence for 45 years, will give you the opportunity to meet other families who are dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness. NAMI offers support groups and literature on various topics involving the emotional support of someone who is mentally ill. It also helps to create public policy benefiting people with mental challenges.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's marriage is falling apart. Her husband has not worked during their six-year marriage. He drinks and uses tobacco to mask what I believe are depression, anxiety and other emotional issues. They have two young children, and my daughter cannot get through to him.

I'd like to contact his mother and express to her that until he gets some kind of professional help to deal with his problems, nothing will change. I want him and their marriage to be a success. My daughter and grandchildren deserve it. I don't want to cause problems with his family, but until they face the facts, this marriage is doomed. Would I be overstepping by contacting his family? -- PROACTIVE MOTHER IN THE WEST

DEAR MOTHER: Did all of this start when your son-in-law married your daughter, or did he have emotional problems before? Not knowing him, I can't guess whether he needs a psychotherapist or an alcohol intervention. One thing is certain: Until all of this is brought out into the open, nothing will change.

In-laws are allowed to speak with each other. I don't think it would be overstepping to express to his mother how worried you are about her son's drinking and his inability to hold a job. But I'd clear it with your daughter first.